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Fighting the “loneliness epidemic” at work

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Re: Fighting the “loneliness epidemic” at work

#61

Post by PhasmaFelis »

maxxxxx wrote: post #54
atom-morgan wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> These sorts of groups get a lot of flak from folks who don't think these groups should exist or that companies should not focus on "diversity" Including myself (mixed race). I find the "hang out with people who look like me" mentality to be really weird and when a company's idea of diversity is basically this, it's more offensive than racial slurs to be honest.

I am a white male and in my department we have a lower percentage than a lot of the groups who have an ERG. Sometimes I toy with the idea of opening up an ERG for white males. I wonder how this would come across. I don't really understand why all these groups are around race, sexuality or gender. This seems to me the opposite of diversity. In my view there should be groups around interests instead.

When you've grown up facing a particular set of hardships that most of the people around you aren't familiar with, it's important for your mental health to be able to spend time with folks who get it. It doesn't mean you spend all your time together chatting about oppression, but it's easier to relax and let your guard down with someone when you know they won't lecture you for being nervous around police, or try to smother their dismay when you mention your boyfriend, or whatever. It's more of a support group than a hobby meetup.

As a white male you haven't experienced any of that, which is fine! But you should try to put yourself in the shoes of people who weren't so lucky.

EDIT: I was addressing the poster directly. As a white guy with autism, I'm well aware that white males in general can experience lifelong hardship for any number of traits. But anyone who says "I don't really understand why all these groups are around race, sexuality or gender" presumably hasn't experienced that, or they'd immediately understand why someone would want to associate with folks who've been through the same shit.

(Or maybe I'm still giving him too much credit. But I try assume ignorance rather than malice.)

Re: Fighting the “loneliness epidemic” at work

#62

Post by wtf1234 »

jlawson wrote: post #41
40acres wrote: post #11

The average American spends too much time at work to not have some sort of social, not 100% related to work, activities and groups that they can be apart of. As a black employee I'm very plugged in the employee resource group for black employees at my organization. I've been able to give back to the local community through volunteering, develop mentee and mentor relationships through this network and develop a sense…

I wish people of my color, gender, or belief were allowed to make a club, or join yours. It sounds great. Maybe something like this is why whites commit suicide so much more than blacks in America (per CDC [1]). Blacks suffer in many ways but at least they're allowed to make a community just about themselves, and that's valuable. [1] https://www.realclearscience.com/journal_club/2013/04/05/us_... !

The average software company is already a white men club. Even more so finance companies.

Re: Fighting the “loneliness epidemic” at work

#63

Post by eeZah7Ux »

40acres wrote: post #25
GauntletWizard wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think your heart in the right place, but your solution is part of the problem - you don't have a community outside of work, because your community interactions are "tainted" by your ERG association.

These relationships can extend far beyond work. I've had dinner at the home of department heads where work related topics barely came up, I've played soccer and became work out buddies with folks. I know others who babysit each others kids and schedule vacations together based off of relationships established through these networks. As time goes on the fact you work for the same company can become just a footnote if…

These relationship tend to be lost when people switch jobs.

Re: Fighting the “loneliness epidemic” at work

#64

Post by eeZah7Ux »

aisengard wrote: post #13
toomuchtodo wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You’re not jaded, just pragmatic and well adjusted. Work is not for friends, it is where we go to earn an income to support ourselves financially. Maximize your income at work (while minimizing time spent working) to maximize your happiness outside of work (hobbies, family, side project, working towards financial independence, whatever). I am working on starting my own business to hire family and friends; for me, tim…

Mixing money and family/friends sounds like it will end horribly. What happens when you don't break even and you need to fire people?

You connect to people in other departments, not direct managers/employees.

Re: Fighting the “loneliness epidemic” at work

#65

Post by Buldak »

jlawson wrote: post #41
40acres wrote: post #11

The average American spends too much time at work to not have some sort of social, not 100% related to work, activities and groups that they can be apart of. As a black employee I'm very plugged in the employee resource group for black employees at my organization. I've been able to give back to the local community through volunteering, develop mentee and mentor relationships through this network and develop a sense…

I wish people of my color, gender, or belief were allowed to make a club, or join yours. It sounds great. Maybe something like this is why whites commit suicide so much more than blacks in America (per CDC [1]). Blacks suffer in many ways but at least they're allowed to make a community just about themselves, and that's valuable. [1] https://www.realclearscience.com/journal_club/2013/04/05/us_... !

Am I reading this right, you think a plausible reason for suicide among whites is that they're not allowed to form white affinity groups?

Re: Fighting the “loneliness epidemic” at work

#66

Post by jjtheblunt »

40acres wrote: post #11

The average American spends too much time at work to not have some sort of social, not 100% related to work, activities and groups that they can be apart of. As a black employee I'm very plugged in the employee resource group for black employees at my organization. I've been able to give back to the local community through volunteering, develop mentee and mentor relationships through this network and develop a sense…

excellent advice...gym classes on-site or off-site are great comaraderie builders too.

Re: Fighting the “loneliness epidemic” at work

#67

Post by WAthrowaway »

PhasmaFelis wrote: post #61
maxxxxx wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am a white male and in my department we have a lower percentage than a lot of the groups who have an ERG. Sometimes I toy with the idea of opening up an ERG for white males. I wonder how this would come across. I don't really understand why all these groups are around race, sexuality or gender. This seems to me the opposite of diversity. In my view there should be groups around interests instead.

When you've grown up facing a particular set of hardships that most of the people around you aren't familiar with, it's important for your mental health to be able to spend time with folks who get it. It doesn't mean you spend all your time together chatting about oppression, but it's easier to relax and let your guard down with someone when you know they won't lecture you for being nervous around police, or try to s…

>As a white male you haven't experienced any of that, which is fine!

You know absolutely nothing about this person and yet feel completely at liberty to issue blanket statements about their life and what they have experienced and how they 'should' feel.

White privilege is obviously real. However, that doesn't mean that a white male hasn't ever been nervous around the police or felt queer thoughts.

This is why people resent contemporary 'identity politics' and 'diversity' initiatives. Not because of the end goals themselves (that is, to mitigate racism and prejudice) but because the rhetorical methods currently employed are cloying, tone-deaf, and frankly just plain condescending. The overall point you are making is a noble and important one - to self-reflect and put yourself in other people's perspective - but I don't think this is the most effective way to convey it.

Re: Fighting the “loneliness epidemic” at work

#68

Post by hpbd »

dragonwriter wrote: post #50
jlawson wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wish people of my color, gender, or belief were allowed to make a club, or join yours. It sounds great. Maybe something like this is why whites commit suicide so much more than blacks in America (per CDC [1]). Blacks suffer in many ways but at least they're allowed to make a community just about themselves, and that's valuable. [1] https://www.realclearscience.com/journal_club/2013/04/05/us_... !

> Maybe something like this is why whites commit suicide so much more than blacks in America Whites officially commit suicide more than blacks because blacks who are even slightly inclined to self-destruction find it all to easy to get into situations that produce death by means that won't officially be viewed as suicide. > Blacks suffer in many ways but at least they're allowed to make a community just about themsel…

>Whites officially commit suicide more than blacks because blacks who are even slightly inclined to self-destruction find it all to easy to get into situations that produce death by means that won't officially be viewed as suicide.

We all know what you're implying but you're making that statistic up.

Re: Fighting the “loneliness epidemic” at work

#69

Post by WAthrowaway »

maxxxxx wrote: post #54
atom-morgan wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> These sorts of groups get a lot of flak from folks who don't think these groups should exist or that companies should not focus on "diversity" Including myself (mixed race). I find the "hang out with people who look like me" mentality to be really weird and when a company's idea of diversity is basically this, it's more offensive than racial slurs to be honest.

I am a white male and in my department we have a lower percentage than a lot of the groups who have an ERG. Sometimes I toy with the idea of opening up an ERG for white males. I wonder how this would come across. I don't really understand why all these groups are around race, sexuality or gender. This seems to me the opposite of diversity. In my view there should be groups around interests instead.

>I don't really understand why all these groups are around race, sexuality or gender. This seems to me the opposite of diversity. In my view there should be groups around interests instead.

I don't see why a reason why you can't have both?

Re: Fighting the “loneliness epidemic” at work

#70

Post by dragonwriter »

hpbd wrote: post #68
dragonwriter wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Maybe something like this is why whites commit suicide so much more than blacks in America Whites officially commit suicide more than blacks because blacks who are even slightly inclined to self-destruction find it all to easy to get into situations that produce death by means that won't officially be viewed as suicide. > Blacks suffer in many ways but at least they're allowed to make a community just about themsel…

>Whites officially commit suicide more than blacks because blacks who are even slightly inclined to self-destruction find it all to easy to get into situations that produce death by means that won't officially be viewed as suicide. We all know what you're implying but you're making that statistic up.

> We all know what you're implying

Implying? I was being explicit, if general because I was referring to a broad class of phenomenon. If you think I was using code for something narrowly specific, you are mistaken.

> but you're making that statistic up.

I'm not presenting a statistic, made up or not.

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