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How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

nytimes.com

11–20 of 222 posts

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#11
post #3

It's easy to point out that this is caused by 'the internet' or 'modern technology' replacing the need for human interaction. We feel less alone but are more selective about our friends, live in smaller echo chambers. In meatspace there's this thing where you want people to like you if you meet them, possibly enforced by the fact that someone might punch you if you rile them up. On the internet we select our own grou…

This is HN projecting again. Venture out into flyover country and you'll see people (gasp!) under thirty having children and doing things other than getting into arguments on Twitter.

If career-obsessed urban intellectuals want to spend their lives drinking craft scotch alone in their apartments...evolution has spoken.

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#15
post #9

There is a good reason why people are escaping small towns. If you are even a little bit outside of the mold, such as being into reading instead of cars as a guy, you will be ostracized by a huge part of the community. And may God have mercy on you if you are into the really weird stuff, such as liking programming, tinkering with electronics or anime.

You just need to make up for the weirdness by hosting a BBQ every now and again. No one's gonna be made at you if you fill them up with a bit of meat and beer ;)

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#16
post #9

There is a good reason why people are escaping small towns. If you are even a little bit outside of the mold, such as being into reading instead of cars as a guy, you will be ostracized by a huge part of the community. And may God have mercy on you if you are into the really weird stuff, such as liking programming, tinkering with electronics or anime.

I don’t think this has anything to do with small town vs big cities. Loneliness is a problem also in big cities.

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#17
Suburbs are structurally lonely (your own castle with as little reliance on others as possible), and only ‘work’ when paired with other sources of community. Those sources are disappearing for a variety of reasons but the transfer from physical -> digital, communal [1] -> personalized, eating out -> eating in [2], public space -> private space, friend time —> media time all add up. We also don’t have strong culture around co-habitation within let alone across families, and a bunch of other culture things that keep us isolated physically and cognitively.

Look at schools and retirement communities for examples of how to design community that keeps us present and with others, then compare to what most experience.

There’s a space between the immediate self/family and the super broad impersonal gov’t and/or hired services (that pave your roads, deliver your food, etc) that is severely under-developed in our modern context. Local interdependency and pooled resources isn’t a thing. My read from talking to several peers in 30s is an openness to explore alternative community structures (eg like a kibbutz) to bring this close community back. I get the sense from many that there’s just something missing and we’re all starting to rediscover the ways communities in the past organized themselves to fill this important place in our lives.

[1] communal being other-oriented or at least aware of others needs versus having our needs ever more optimized and personalized. This causes mindset shift.

[2] there are stats showing rapid increase in delivery over dining in past 10yrs, I believe it’s now majority takeout/delivery these days

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#18
post #13

> When people have a hole in their life, they often fill it with angry politics. Mass psychosis - solution to loneliness.

That's bull, political anger is being caused by ever growing income and wealth disparity – only an oblivious moron or someone who is happy with the status quo would be blind to that.

edit: to all those flagging and downvoting: my comment wasn't at @nabla9 it was directed at the assumptions in the NY Times article. It's very convenient for writers at the so-called newspaper of record to ignore the huge transfer in wealth from the less well off over the last decade and biting austerity and under-investment in infrastructure. One person died in Paris recently in political unrest due to fuel price hikes.

Re: How Loneliness Is Tearing America Apart

#20
post #13

> When people have a hole in their life, they often fill it with angry politics. Mass psychosis - solution to loneliness.

That's bull, political anger is being caused by ever growing income and wealth disparity – only an oblivious moron or someone who is happy with the status quo would be blind to that. edit: to all those flagging and downvoting: my comment wasn't at @nabla9 it was directed at the assumptions in the NY Times article. It's very convenient for writers at the so-called newspaper of record to ignore the huge transfer in wea…

only an oblivious moron or someone who is happy with the status quo would be blind to that.

You’ve been here eight years. Do not talk like that on HN. You know this.

Take a chill pill and a walk.

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