Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

census.gov

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

61–70 of 75 posts

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#61

Post by ravenstine »

stcredzero wrote: post #50
ravenstine wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Men and women would have to actually need each other for the contract to make sense. But, the toothpaste is out of the tube. I don't feel the need to get married because anything a wife can do, I can do with appliances and without breaking a sweat. Anything else can be supplemented by services. House dirty? My robot vacuum picks up a lot of the slack, and if I don't want to do the rest on my own, I can schedule a mai…

I don't feel the need to get married because anything a wife can do, I can do with appliances and without breaking a sweat. It's more about sharing your life with someone than getting chores done. one thing that might make it somewhat more appealing is if western culture could do away with the needless expenses around the tradition and the ceremony...If it was not a disappointment that people have modest weddings, pe…

> It's more about sharing your life with someone than getting chores done.

I agree, but it's also about those things as well and has been since time immemorial. When those things go away, is it surprising when people settle for relationships over the complexities of marriage?

> I've been in some bands that would get hired for weddings, and the most beautiful weddings I've been at were DIY affairs done at home on the cheap, but with sincere feelings and meaning. My own wedding was pulled off on the low end of the price scale. We hired a waterside Chinese restaurant, got good fuss-free catering, and got the day-of coordinator and linens for free. I hired musicians I knew and we went and got orchids from a nursery and bought our own drinks from Costco.

That sounds great!

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#62

Post by grogenaut »

geff82 wrote: post #36
grogenaut wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

how'd you learn the language? My wife and I are interested after a trip and competing a bit on the language. Immersion? or classes or what?

Well, it was Persian, the language of my wife. I learned it from books and by talking to her and the family. It is my fourth language. But we are also learning spanish now (courses in form of books), but it is too early to really mention it now.

I guess being married to someone who speaks the language counts as immersion :)

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#63

Post by [deleted] »

tptacek wrote: post #34
jdavis703 wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It would need to be as easy as starting or quitting a job. There also couldn't be pre-conditions around it such as a limit of two people, prohibitions on same-sex marriage, and bans on "adultery."

You are describing an arrangement totally unlike marriage. If you want termination-at-will, don't get married! If there is some social pressure to get married when you don't want to, that pressure is wrong; you should only get married when you're sure it's the right thing to do. On the other hand, at least in the US, there are huge numbers of people who fought for decades just to have the right to enter into the arra…

[deleted]

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#65

Post by charlieflowers »

derefr wrote: post #55
civilian wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

(People have always had sex outside of marriage. If anything, the current generation is doing it with honest communication, rather than going behind their partner's back.)

If you're suggesting that as a justification for an assumed rise in rates of casual sex among youth, well, forget it: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex...

I guess it was somewhat subtle, but my post was intended as a joke.

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#66

Post by yowza »

tptacek wrote: post #16
seandoe wrote: post #13

My girlfriend and I have been together for several years. We're happy. We're not religious at all. I don't see why we have to declare our relationship commitment to the government. Beyond that, our incomes are similar and after some research it looks as if we would pay more in taxes if we were married. Plus, my girlfriend has substantial student loan debt and is on the public service loan forgiveness track. Her month…

If it doesn't make sense, don't do it! The concept isn't hard to get your head around. Businesses draw up similar contracts all the time. You're just expressing a formal mutual accountability. It enables one partner to "safely" make sacrifices (or exploit time preference). If you don't want to be accountable to each other in a formal way, by all means, keep your relationship informal.

By far, the best response.

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#67

Post by geff82 »

tptacek wrote: post #51
geff82 wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, it was Persian, the language of my wife. I learned it from books and by talking to her and the family. It is my fourth language. But we are also learning spanish now (courses in form of books), but it is too early to really mention it now.

Whoah, hold on. This is very relevant to my interests. I'm in Chicago and the next big thing I want to do is learn Farsi (my wife is taking Japanese classes, which is not very relevant to my interests, so I can't really do it with her). Is there a particular set of books you'd recommend? I'm actually hoping to find some place to take classes.

Your plan is awesome! The language is pure logic and terseness (all those who want „gender neutral“ language, here you are, there is no article at all, you really have to ask „is this person male or female“).

I am a German native and there are some good books for Germans that I studied with.

Yet, there are some excellent English resources! First, in order to learn to write (and much more if you want to), there is the excellent site www.easypersian.com. which offers 180+ lessons for free I learned to write there (took me two days). Then, there is „Complete Persian“ as a good textbook in English. I remember my first private language teacher I hired used this and it was really good.

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#68

Post by setquk »

Gibbon1 wrote: post #38
setquk wrote: post #18

Honestly I think this is a good thing. If I knew what I knew now, from my own relationship after being married for 20 years, and observation of friends, I would not have got married. People can drift apart. Situations change. Health problems get between you. What can remain is obligation and legal difficulty for a lot of people and nothing more. And in some countries, such as the UK where I live, this is a massive pr…

> the law is predatory and unfair towards one or both parties. When I got divorced 20 years ago some of my friends thought it was unfair that my ex took $20k (of $40k) out of savings, packed her stuff and left. When I tell that to men my age they're like HFS!!! fist bump Another fiend got divorces, wife got full custody, child support and alimony. The take was so much he and his two kids had to move back into his mom…

This is exactly it. The real issue is that even the couples who genuinely want to just walk away are sold the idea of financial justice.

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#69

Post by apricot13 »

charlieflowers wrote: post #65
derefr wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you're suggesting that as a justification for an assumed rise in rates of casual sex among youth, well, forget it: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex...

I guess it was somewhat subtle, but my post was intended as a joke.

I got it!

Re: Living with an Unmarried Partner Now Common for Young Adults

#70

Post by tetra_proxy »

I am 27 and I've been with my current partner for almost 3 years and we've semi-lived together most of that time. She's currently still at university so we spend weekends and holidays together. Her parents are divorced and mine are married but miserable, also neither of us has any religious drive to get married (I'm pagan and shes agnostic). We agreed early on that neither of us wants to get married or have kids but we plan on spending our lives together.
Post reply on HN