Earlier quoted context omitted.
pg, The idea was that always that she would be a full co-founder. We agreed on a low equity split initially because of the asymmetric risk we were taking. The idea was always to increase her stake 6 months into the project, but not in the way it happened. I met her through a friend, and 3 months ago would have been proud to call her my cofounder. I am going to learn to hack regardless, I am just trying to figure out…
It doesn't sound particularly like she believed in the idea. I think in retrospect it would have been better to offer 50% and the same salary as you. Going forward though, I'd say definitely learn to hack. Also find people who might help not because of a salary, but because they think the idea is cool and want to be part of it.
Any scaling equity package should be linked to dates and performance goals. You basically said you didn't want her to own the company unless it succeeded, when success was contingent on her.
Sounds like she trusted you. Then stopped trusting you. Then left a few months later. You screwed up. Go apologize.