61–70 of 72 posts
Start a business. Or buy a motorbike.
It's coincidentally one of the reasons I don't, unlike my friends, strongly miss my childhood. It was cool and all, but dude- I didn't have a motorcycle.
It's not for everyone, and there is always the possibility you may have to deploy (for engineers, this is a very remote possibility; I can't recall any engineers being deployed, except for a volunteer who was working on a Kuwait project). But you will definitely learn a lot about yourself, and you will build camaraderie with your cadre. Oh yeah, your mornings will begin at 6am for PT...
Caveat: an officer commitment with the Air Force will run four years (and you may be able to transfer to Reserve or Guard if you do figure you want to do something else), unless you decide to be a pilot, which your commitment will be 8-10 years. I realize HN is not the most pro-military group, and I strongly discourage any HN reader from enlisting (at a minimum, you should be an officer). But you do build lots of bonds as a servicemember. And if you're in AF or Navy, you're relatively out of harm's way; you probably have a higher chance of dying in Philadelphia at night (okay, maybe that's not the best example).
http://techcrunch.com/2010/09/27/peter-thiel-drop-out-of-sch...
Starting a startup gives you immediately a lot of freedom, a focus on what you like and exciting new challenges and it will also get alot of new people in your life - even if introverted. Afresh start and clean cut is somethign I found incredibly invigorating. And aas young as you are, the risks are pretty negligible.
You can't let your family run your life, or you'll always be miserable. Decide on your own if you will support them. And then do it with your whole heart. Don't sit there and tell us you "have" to because it's "expected."
Don't stay in college just because you don't know what you'd do otherwise -- figure it out! Make a plan! And then leave. Leave before you end up more miserable, with falling grades, and are kicked out... or you graduate, with a degree having strangled every ounce of passion out of you, and end up in a job that is just as bad.
Nobody is going to intervene and fix this for you. The pain you are feeling is because you are living somebody else's life for them. You have to find & choose to live your OWN life.
That may end up including college. You may decide, after weighing how you feel, that you should support your family, too. Choosing to do what you consider to be the right thing can feel wonderful. But not if you're only doing it because you don't want to feel guilty.
So, that, and pick up a copy of of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. If possible, the audio book. Listen to it and do what it says. I promise you, it'll help.
The book sounds corny, but it can help you get a better perspective on your life. Make sure to actually do the exercises.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis This comes up every couple of months here on HN: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1449823 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1537461 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1246200 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=680054 It gets better. Really.
Wow, I'd never heard of Quarter life crisis ... that article described many ways I've been feeling. Thanks for sharing. I'm a junior myself, and have been going through similar feelings this year. Call it burn-out, being tired of school, or whatever, but it's not fun. So we can get past this, and then look forward to mid-life crisis, right? Joy! :)
Having a crappy internship is positive in one way - you know something you DON'T like. Figuring out what you don't like is important, so don't disregard its significance.
You also have some obvious good signs which are worth encouraging: 1. You are fighting and trying to figure out your moves. A lot of life is iterative, so keep on trying, its a habit that will hold you in good stead. 2. You exercise - great habit right there. 3. You seem to have had a decent look at the situation which is a good start at figuring things out.
Try volunteering and helping out with an NGO. Helps give you drive and sounds like something that will help fill up that purpose void. - You may not get purpose from your education/work, but that doesn't mean you HAVE to get it from there. Do other things you enjoy, it helps in getting through stuff.
From my personal experience, some of the things that helped me out were:
1. Diet - Sugar and carbs help a lot; feeling low led to missing meals which led to feeling low. Having a pick me up treat or something sweet often completely changed my day. Its come to the point that feeling really low often means that I have been pushing myself too hard and have neglected myself - big no no. (Do note - I am NOT recommending binging, bringing me to pt 3)
1. Not taking myself too seriously when I was low and thinking about stuff. When you are feeling low, do note that you are NOT an unbiased observer. Take your worst case scenarios with a grain of salt.
3. Learning how your body operates - This was big for me. It took me a long while to learn how to respond to my needs them and take care of them. But once I did, it helped me understand myself and the situations which I need to create to be effective.
Pt 2 was important because it helped reduce the build up of self doubt, which then lets me focus on building myself up and getting on with figuring out what would make me happy next.
This stuff isn't going to solve your problems, but it should be useful in moving towards solving it. Hang in there!
(You could sing "all is well" in case you want to let loose :P)
Some of his biggest ideas: - passion is not something we discover but something we earn or build over a long period of time. - Choose one thing that interests you (even if its a 'silly' interest) and has the potential to become a rare and valuable skill about which you could one day be passionate. - Pursue that through undergrad and after, until you really have a rare and valuable skill. - Leverage that skill to live a remarkable life.
His most recent post might be especially relevant: http://calnewport.com/blog/2010/10/16/the-passion-trap-how-t.... I have been writing about similar ideas at http://joshrule.com/blog/category/passion.
Again, you aren't alone. These feelings are common even in many people who generally know exactly what they want in life. The important thing is to learn how to deal with them and keep them to a minimum. Cal's blog provides some great steps toward doing that.
I've been there. Almost droping out of school, missing classes, having few friends (most of my long time friends lived in other countries) and couldn't share it with my family because they wouldn't understand, and had their own problems.
How did I get out of it ? I tried and failed launching three startups. I wanted to focus the whole energy on achieving something .. and even if I failed to, this kept me "alive".
I think you should find something (or someone by luck:) ) you really love and focus everything on it.
As a conclusion, I would like to share with you two things :
- "To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield" from Ulysses
- And this speech by Steve Jobs : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc