Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#141

Post by lazyant » Wed, Oct 27, 2010, 3:39 PM UTC

pyre wrote: post #138

lazyant wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know of a case where a baby died of asphyxiation while sleeping on the parent's bed. It may be isolated incident or whatever but I wouldn't dismiss this risk.

There are other cultures where sleeping with your baby is the norm, and they don't have issues babies dying left and right due to parents rolling over on them, so I think we need more than anecdotes to say that it's dangerous.

I'm not saying it's a huge problem (I don't know) but it doesn't seem a good idea to risk it:

"There has been a fourfold increase in the rate of infant strangulation and suffocation in the U.S. in the past 20 years, according to a report released today, and the apparent cause (though hardly the definitive one) is the rise in numbers of babies who share beds with their parents." source: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/26/the-risks-of-s...

"The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warn that infants should not co-sleep with their parents." source: http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/298_29656.asp

"Adults sleeping with babies increases risk of sudden and unexplained infant death, inquest finds" source http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/health-science/adults-s...

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#142

Post by ghurlman » Wed, Oct 27, 2010, 3:42 PM UTC

petervandijck wrote: post #72

qstyk wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Consult your pediatrician before even considering letting your infant sleep with you. There may be additional SIDS concerns.

Meh. Also: everyone will have advice: you will learn to ignore most of it. Particularly advice by your parents. They had babies in a time when there were different priorities. So you'll have to learn to find your own way, trust your instincts, talk to other parents you like/admire. You can safely ignore most advice by most people :) (ps: my tip: you can't spoil a baby, not until they're, say, 1 year old (then discipl…

If you knew somebody who killed their baby by rolling over in their sleep on her, somehow I doubt "meh" would be your response.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#143

Post by pyre » Wed, Oct 27, 2010, 3:42 PM UTC

lazyant wrote: post #141

pyre wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are other cultures where sleeping with your baby is the norm, and they don't have issues babies dying left and right due to parents rolling over on them, so I think we need more than anecdotes to say that it's dangerous.

I'm not saying it's a huge problem (I don't know) but it doesn't seem a good idea to risk it: "There has been a fourfold increase in the rate of infant strangulation and suffocation in the U.S. in the past 20 years, according to a report released today, and the apparent cause (though hardly the definitive one) is the rise in numbers of babies who share beds with their parents." source: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.…

It's also true that babies that sleep with their parents hasn't been a cultural thing in the US. I'd say that in the last 20 years, the number of people doing it has increased, which likely accounts for the increase in the numbers of deaths due to it.

Using this same logic, we should have abandoned the adoption of the automobile because as it became more and more commonplace, automobile-related deaths rose as well.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#144

Post by wiredfool » Wed, Oct 27, 2010, 3:49 PM UTC

RyanMcGreal wrote: post #28

There's a two- or three-week period, usually around the six month mark, when your baby can sit up unaided but can't yet crawl. During this time, you can put the baby down on an activity blanket (supervised, obviously) and enjoy maybe five or ten minute contiguous stretches of uninterrupted time to do stuff. Note: activities like preparing a meal and straightening up the place tend to take priority over developing a s…

We've used all sorts of wearable baby things, and the most I can say is that they're all different. Every one of them will work for some parents and some babies. Long term, after 3 kids and 6 years of the things, the ones that we're using are a mayan style ring sling, an ergo, and a couple of fleece fitted slings that my wife made.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#145

Post by oconnor0 » Wed, Oct 27, 2010, 3:50 PM UTC

pyre wrote: post #138

lazyant wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know of a case where a baby died of asphyxiation while sleeping on the parent's bed. It may be isolated incident or whatever but I wouldn't dismiss this risk.

There are other cultures where sleeping with your baby is the norm, and they don't have issues babies dying left and right due to parents rolling over on them, so I think we need more than anecdotes to say that it's dangerous.

I think in this case anecdotes is a fine data point. While there may not be a statistically significant increase in deaths for babies sleeping in bed with their parents, accidentally killing your kid by rolling over on them would be horrible.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#146

Post by runjake » Wed, Oct 27, 2010, 3:54 PM UTC

I have 8 month old triplets, so my case is a little different than others.

As Vivtek said below "Having a baby entirely eliminates your life and replaces it with a different one.". The old you will die off pretty quickly and a new you will be born, it sounds sad, and occasionally it may be, but your life is about to get better in a way that can't be described.

I'm trying to come up with something coherent on how I balance time and am able to work on projects. I'll post that, if I'm successful.

The short of it is: your current life is over, and you'll have a new one. This isn't meant to be dramatic; it's just how it is. You will adapt, grow, cry, laugh, sometimes get depressed, and many times be in awe.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#147

Post by wiredfool » Wed, Oct 27, 2010, 3:58 PM UTC

petervandijck wrote: post #68

victorj wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So true! I'm parent to a couple of twins (2.5yo) and the selective deafness is what really puts me down

I've found that you need to get down to their level and look them in the eyes to get around that. (Supernanny tip, works!)

No two kids are alike. And, things that work for nannys don't always work for parents.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#148

Post by davidamcclain » Wed, Oct 27, 2010, 3:59 PM UTC

Vivtek wrote: post #91

Oh, where to start? Having a baby entirely eliminates your life and replaces it with a different one. And you can't undo it. You cannot spend all your time on a project now - you have to change your priorities. This is not an option, and unfortunately it's not something that happens magically by itself, either. Like maintaining a marriage, it's something you choose to do because not to do so is unthinkable. The payof…

>> My kids are 16 and 11, they're both smarter and more capable than all the rest of humanity combined

Beautifully said. I envy you your parenthood!

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#149

Post by theycallmemorty » Wed, Oct 27, 2010, 4:03 PM UTC

usiegj00 wrote: post #101

I'm father of 6. Ages 7,5,4,3,2 and 8 months. (I'm atheist before you ask.) My best work--in technology has coincided with a pregnant wife. Between our disappearing nightlife schedule (more hack nights FTW!) and the caveman drive to go hunt on the plains (which for me means more LOC), a pregnancy has been productivity heroin. Yes, a baby does change your life--in other more significant ways. The intensity of emotion…

I've never heard a person with 4 or more kids say "I wish I didn't have so many kids. I wish I had more money/time/energy to spend on my startup/cottage/whatever."

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#150

Post by kennethlove » Wed, Oct 27, 2010, 4:06 PM UTC

lazyant wrote: post #129

RyanMcGreal wrote: post #28

There's a two- or three-week period, usually around the six month mark, when your baby can sit up unaided but can't yet crawl. During this time, you can put the baby down on an activity blanket (supervised, obviously) and enjoy maybe five or ten minute contiguous stretches of uninterrupted time to do stuff. Note: activities like preparing a meal and straightening up the place tend to take priority over developing a s…

> Seriously consider having the baby sleep in your bed with you, especially if you/your spouse are breastfeeding. No. Everybody gets less sleep and for small babies there's a serious risk of death.

No, you'll sleep fine and there's no more risk of SIDS in co-sleeping babies than those that sleep in cribs and some serious research to suggest that co-sleepers are actually safer.