Ask HN: How to stop my greed for money?

It is about being happy and putting an end to negative thoughts.

[1] https://www.amazon.co.uk/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuit...

I see it as a hobby, like woodcuting or singing for others. There is nothing inherently wrong with being interested in money.

I have a PhD in physics and love science. I earn good money but have zero interest in managing it so I pay someone else for that. Same for house cleaning.

My younger son wants to be a trader at 11, I am telling him this is a good choice but he needs to be good at math. If he makes money on top it is even better.

The older one wanted to study history and I was fine with that as well but he realizes that there are bills to be payed. Since he also likes to choose he will go that way and have history as a hobby.

So maybe if you look at it via the hobby prism it won't look that bad?

Also understand that ultimately you are not in control of what comes into your hands, and at any moment things can completely explode. So try not to work for the sake of what you get out of it, but try and enjoy your work for work’s sake.

Ultimately if you proceed in this way, true understanding will fill the space that your unfulfilled desires currently occupy. And if you can genuinely devote yourself to that mindset, your desires will melt away and you will truly find what you are seeking in wealth.

From my personal experience (which would depend on the geographical location and one's spending habits), that point is at about $100,000. In my 9-year career path I went from $40,000 -> $60,000 -> $85,000 -> $90,000 -> $100,000 -> $120,000 -> $120,000+. The change in general appreciation of the raise that happened below $100,000 felt substantial, it almost felt like it made me happier.

But once you reach the level where you can comfortably spend and save large portion of your paycheck, additional $n,000 starts to matter less and less. Sure, it's a good feeling to earn more money, but it doesn't define your happiness anymore. It's become a norm. So going from $150,000 to $200,000 feels so unfulfilling compared to going from $50,000 to $100,000.

The other thing to consider is comparing yourself to others. We all do that to some extent. But if it's an obsession then one will always be unhappy. The thing to realize is there will always be someone who makes more money and lives a wealthier life.

Here's how it goes - if you make $60k and live in an apartment complex there's some neighbor that makes $80k, and drives a newer BMW than you, has a bigger apartment and newer grill. Then you get a raise and make $100k, you buy a small house in a different neighborhood. Once you settle in you will start to notice that there are neighbors that have bigger house/drive Tesla model S, have bigger backyard. You get another raise and start making $200k, you buy a 2500 sqft house in a different neighborhood. There, a few neighbor(s) make $500k, and drive Lambos. Then you work hard, and you start your own business and it becomes successful, and you start pocketing in $500k, and buy a Lambo yourself, and also move to a beachfront house. Then there're beachfront houses that are bigger than yours, and some neighbors have 5 supercars. Then your business grows, and you start making $2M a year, and you upgrade your beachfront house to a bigger beachfront house, and buy 5 supercars. Now there's a neighbor that has a few luxurious villas in different states and internationally, then there's another neighbor that has a private yacht, and another one that has a private jet. There's another one that has 3 private jets, then there's another one that owns a football team, and so on...you get the point.

Chasing specific amount of money that would make you happy will ultimately leave you unfulfilled because in comparison to other people there will always be someone who makes more.

Of course, there are exceptions to that like - Zuckerberg, Gates, other billionaires - but being a realist how likely is one to become a billionaire in a lifetime. I mean, if that's your ultimate goal - good luck. But something tells me most billionaires didn't have a goal in mind to become a billionaire, it wasn't their primary focus but rather a byproduct of their success and passion.

Most of us don't want money for money. We want money so that we can get something else - a house, a car, a vacation, retirement, or an identity. From what you said, I suspect that you're in the last category - you want money because having money is going to make you someone - that is, someone special, not just some random schmuck. And money is just the way you think is easiest to get there.

The next question is, why do you want that? I mean, you could just say "Oh, I see why I'm obsessed with money. But there's better ways of being somebody than just getting a pile of money. Maybe I should go cure cancer or something." But the problem is, you won't be chasing a cure for cancer in order to find a cure for cancer; you'll be doing it to make an identity for yourself. And if you fail to find a cure, you'll still be a nobody, and it will eat away at you.

Why do you want an identity? I don't know you at all, but I do know a bit about people. I think that we're looking to love and accept ourselves. I suspect that you're looking for an identity because you don't really love and accept yourself. (And even if you don't want money in order to get an identity, I suspect that loving and accepting yourself is ultimately what you're looking for in whatever lies behind your desire for money.)

Why do we want that? As a Christian, I believe that we were made to know God's love and acceptance of us. If we don't have that, it leaves a hole that nothing else can fill. But the thing that comes closest to filling it is our love and acceptance of ourselves. The ultimate answer is to return to God, to know His love and acceptance of us.

Whether or not you buy the previous paragraph, I suspect that what you're really after is loving and accepting yourself, and that money is just a disguise (perhaps more than one layer of disguise). You need to address the real issue, or you'll quit money only to start obsessively chasing something else.