Put yourself at the receiving end of some arrogant prick for an extended period of time. You will then discover a myriad of ways to achieve your objectives with being one.
Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?
21–29 of 29 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?
#22Pardon my being a contrarian, but consider if it were Steve Jobs or Larry Ellison or Thomas Edison asking this question. Societal progress sometimes benefits from arrogance. Perhaps it even depends on it on rare occasions. Maybe you should consider owning and leveraging the arrogance you have by focusing on an entrepreneurial career track, where you can get people to put up with the arrogance.
Arrogant people are rarely great leaders. I'd posit that Steve Jobs wasn't successful because he was arrogant, but in spite of it. I don't think arrogance is ever to be excused. (Remember, arrogance is not the same as superior skill or knowledge, but an attitude that actively puts others down.)
Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?
#23You probably need to remember the proverb, "empty vessels make the most noise". Also the dunning Kruger effect. It is possible that you are way too confident/cocky because you don't know much.
I was cocky when I started out at my first job because I knew latest and greatest. But after working for years and running into people who are way more knowledgeable and smart, I came to know my place. You will too.
Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?
#24Meh. Do your colleagues dislike you? If not, then it isn't a problem, other than some way it directly affects the flow of technical work, which you can compensate for. As long as you're putting yourself up and not putting your colleagues down, you're fine.
Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?
#25Meh. Do your colleagues dislike you? If not, then it isn't a problem, other than some way it directly affects the flow of technical work, which you can compensate for. As long as you're putting yourself up and not putting your colleagues down, you're fine.
Like/dislike of a person isn't a binary value. I can think of several people who are very dear to me, yet who have some aspect of their character I find terrible to live or work with. Do I like them? Yes, absolutely. Do I want them to change that aspect? Yes, absolutely!
Working to overcome your own arrogance isn't primarily about fixing a technical work-related problem, it's about treating people the way you'd want to be treated.
Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?
#26What really helped me is psychodrama (not sure if that's how it is called elsewhere) and non violent communication (courses available internationally I'm sure). I still tend to be cynical and offensive at times, but it happens less often.
Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?
#27Meh. Do your colleagues dislike you? If not, then it isn't a problem, other than some way it directly affects the flow of technical work, which you can compensate for. As long as you're putting yourself up and not putting your colleagues down, you're fine.
Like/dislike of a person isn't a binary value. I can think of several people who are very dear to me, yet who have some aspect of their character I find terrible to live or work with. Do I like them? Yes, absolutely. Do I want them to change that aspect? Yes, absolutely! Working to overcome your own arrogance isn't primarily about fixing a technical work-related problem, it's about treating people the way you'd want…
If you're arrogant, you don't really mind if others are, too, so that formula doesn't really work. If you're at work, just keep work conversations moving in a productive direction. Nobody sensible is going to really dislike you if you're arrogant and basically transparent and forthright in personality. I mean, there's the kind of people that go around looking for reasons to categorize people as good and bad, but you shouldn't worry about them. (They're bad!)
Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?
#28Recognize that you will ultimately be limiting what you can achieve if you are alienating people. Extrapolate to the whole planet... if everyone acted this way what would the world be like in ten years?
I recommend spending about 30 minutes every evening reflecting on previous discussions/conversations that you have had with people. Also, if you have any cringe-worthy memories in which you behaved in an arrogant manner then these are worth revisiting in order to consider alternatives for better behavior in future scenarios.
Re: Ask HN: How do I become less arrogant?
#29Read biographies. So much to learn from other people who lead a humble life.