One of the interesting points in the article is: “embrace the boredom”. That’s what I tell my 7-yo repeatedly. Boredom makes you more creative.
How to be alone: the difference between loneliness and solitude
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Re: How to be alone: the difference between loneliness and solitude
#12One of the better of the many (many!) articles on loneliness that have cropped on HN recently. Dovetails nicely with the Digital Nomad post from yesterday.
Solitude isn't lonely because you're spending time with yourself - it's a self-imposed retreat in order to write, code, make music, build or reflect. As a result, it's often self-actualizing and you like this version of yourself very much.
Loneliness, conversely - especially the kind which manifests despite being in a crowded room - can stem from the feeling that one belongs in a different place, with different people, doing different things. For this is this it? type of loneliness, increased solitude, paradoxically, is often the way to escape it.
Re: How to be alone: the difference between loneliness and solitude
#13“Loneliness epidemic —or a golden age of privacy?” - David Chapman (meaningness) also reflects a bit on this topic
https://mobile.twitter.com/meaningness/status/97139760655443...
Re: How to be alone: the difference between loneliness and solitude
#14Earlier quoted context omitted.
People have become so incredibly needy of others approval and attention that some of us don't even function properly when being alone. This makes us incredibly week as well, totally dependent on others to feel good.
Some people. Those of us who are quite happy to be alone, or even prefer it, cannot be noticed or included in these statements (by definition).
It seems to me like gregarious people and loners can be after the same thing. Some people want acceptance and approval from others whereas other people have more of an inner connection to the same source.
What is the source? We don't understand (yet) but it's an interesting clue that the things other people like about you aren't necessarily the things you like about yourself.
Re: How to be alone: the difference between loneliness and solitude
#15I lived alone for almost 17 years in two different apartments (one for 11 of them) and this house until I got married, and even now my wife is overseas for months at a time right now because of what we've gotta do. Solitude is a big part of my life.
In the very beginning it could sometimes be very lonely even though I've known I was an introvert since junior high. The worst times were indeed when there was nothing to do. I have to confess the biggest motivator it took for me to evolve and embrace solitude was to realize my fellow medical students had lives of their own and my entire relevance to them was based on what I could fix for them, not who I was. This made me very bitter for awhile, but it also made me determined not to base my happiness on what anyone else thought. It was a lot easier in my second apartment where I had more room and a better layout for hobbies and many of these hobbies I found still bring me enjoyment today. I learned to be one on my own.
It is helpful my wife is also an introvert and we had been friends online for awhile before we dated, so she understood this perspective fairly instinctively.
Re: How to be alone: the difference between loneliness and solitude
#16I am very glad to know there are many people out there like myself. This article touched on many good points. I prefer to be alone about 70% of the time. I NEVER feel lonely, in fact just the opposite. I feel inspired in thought and connected to the massive pulsating power of our universe and everything in it. To be around people actually pulls me down into the superficiality of EGO which is not where I prefer to spend my time. I have practiced meditation for more than 10 years now and I credit this practice with allowing me to find comfort and power in Solitude. It really is a super power in today's world. I am completely comfortable with myself simply sitting on a bench doing nothing. I do not need more than that. There are certainly times where I do want to be around like minded people. I am constantly getting pressure from family etc.. to change my ways. The vast majority of people are obviously not like this.
Re: How to be alone: the difference between loneliness and solitude
#17Boy, HN loves articles about solitude and loneliness. And it's a distinction that often crops up in discussion here. I think there's a balance here, and cultivating some amount of loneliness -- not solitude -- is also good. For example, two people in my life are "Alice" and "Bob", who have been married for decades. Alice once told me that one of Bob's great weaknesses was that he'd been alone for too long in his teen…
The mutual exchange of vulnerabilities
I agree, and I'd add to your definition to say that the ultimate bonding occurs through finding joy in the mutual exchange of vulnerabilities.
For example, last night my wife and I were not seeing eye to eye on how we saw our future. I was busy trying to make her see my side, but it wasn't until I was willing to give up and do things her way that she came around and agreed with my perspective.
It was not because I was wrong, it was because I wasn't recognizing her point of view, and that made her feel vulnerable. The joy we experienced mutually at recognizing one another's vulnerabilities is still–the next morning–a sublime feeling, the ultimate experience in life perhaps.
Re: How to be alone: the difference between loneliness and solitude
#18I am very glad to know there are many people out there like myself. This article touched on many good points. I prefer to be alone about 70% of the time. I NEVER feel lonely, in fact just the opposite. I feel inspired in thought and connected to the massive pulsating power of our universe and everything in it. To be around people actually pulls me down into the superficiality of EGO which is not where I prefer to spe…
You have probably already read it, but your post reminds me of the book, Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse, which is about the life's journey of Buddha, who also discovered that sitting alone was an experience he enjoyed greatly, an activity which gave way to Buddhism, whose ultimate goal is to eliminate human suffering caused by the ego. You seem to be saying the same thing in a different way, which is awesome.
Re: How to be alone: the difference between loneliness and solitude
#19I actually think the author is really smart to point out boredom as an ingredient in the mix. I’m friends with a pretty successful writer who told me a couple of months ago how hard it was to get bored in the modern world, and yet, if you aren’t kind of bored, it is very hard to access the full extent of your imagination to come up with ideas that no one else would.
I agree. As a writer, when I get stuck, lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, and doing nothing is usually my most productive time. Also, taking naps is great for productivity.
Re: How to be alone: the difference between loneliness and solitude
#20One of the interesting points in the article is: “embrace the boredom”. That’s what I tell my 7-yo repeatedly. Boredom makes you more creative.
Just curious. How does your 7-year-old respond?