Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#1

Post by petecooper » Wed, Sep 05, 2018, 2:03 PM UTC

I read comments and stories here most days, occasionally comment on or submit things, and hold HN in high regard for the variety and quality of discourse.

I'm 40 this year and as a milestone birthday it has me ruminating on how to steer my life in the coming few years. At 20, I was a technical support manager with 20+ staff. At 25, I was travelling the world as a technical trainer and event speaker. At 30, I was self-employed with a good income from podcasting. At 35, I was divorced and had to start from scratch. For nearly 5 years, things in my life have been a lot harder to do achieve than they should be. At 40, I'm at a crossroads with a metaphorical blank canvas. I want to be more content with life at 45, 50 and 60.

My job (technical consultant, proactive and reactive) keeps the roof over my head, but I'm not jumping out of bed in the morning to do it. My motivation is at an ebb. I don't exercise enough, but I'm starting over with that. I've started intermittent fasting for mental clarity and that seems to be helping -- and this Ask HN post wouldn't have happened without it.

I have anhedonia, but I've accepted that when I find something fun that'll go away. It's a symptom of the low-level depression that comes and goes, and the best medicine I've found for me is fresh air and exercise. This should not be considered a cry for help, it's something I have a rational control of, most of the time.

And so, I Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and mentally damaged -- any words of wisdom?

Thanks very much for reading.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#2

Post by MrEfficiency » Wed, Sep 05, 2018, 2:27 PM UTC

You were happy at different jobs and in a relationship.

Could you replicate similar in a 5 and 10 year plan?

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#3

Post by dazc » Wed, Sep 05, 2018, 2:34 PM UTC

Since it sounds like you're at a point where you realise you need to do something, do it now because it's not going to get any easier the longer you leave it.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#4

Post by thinkingkong » Wed, Sep 05, 2018, 2:42 PM UTC

Genuinely happy youve reached out to a community to help. First off Ill say that you’ll probably get a ton of different answers but nobody can really understand your motivation, your “blocks”, what you think the issues are, etc in a post. That kind of thing takes some work and time with a really good counselor/ therapist.

Id really suggest finding someone. Dont go for fancy titles, just look around your area and start coming up with some criteria. Would you feel more comfortable with a male or female? Phd and brainey or soul searching? Meet with 5 people. They should all offer free 30min sessions for you to at least see if you’ll click

Go with your instincts and trust them.

And please, keep up with the exercise.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#5

Post by chris_wot » Wed, Sep 05, 2018, 2:43 PM UTC

I have no words of wisdom. I have PTSD from something that happened to me, but I'm in a similar situation. All I can do is say you aren't alone, and I wish you the very best.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#6

Post by glitchc » Wed, Sep 05, 2018, 2:44 PM UTC

Consider going back to school. I have a feeling you entered the workforce too early. It might give you a new perspective on things, and open a path to a completely different career.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#7

Post by Madmallard » Wed, Sep 05, 2018, 2:44 PM UTC

Life is relationships. Put most of your work into those and your mood should improve.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#8

Post by chmike » Wed, Sep 05, 2018, 2:45 PM UTC

People don't put the same meaning behind "mentally damaged". Some people are really mentally damaged. You don't sound mentally damaged to me.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#9

Post by segmondy » Wed, Sep 05, 2018, 2:47 PM UTC

Go see a therapist.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#10

Post by elmerfud » Wed, Sep 05, 2018, 2:47 PM UTC

First, stop thinking of yourself as mentally damaged. You're normal. If by the time you're 30-40 and you haven't realized that all new things that you encounter will eventually go away, then you're mentally damaged. It's a normal transition from shortsighted childishness to farsighted maturity.

You're in the prime of your life. You're at a stage where you have skills and experience to do lots of things and make decent money. Your job may be boring as hell, but view your job as a tool. It something that gives you the means to do what you want.

That is the hard part, figuring out what you want. Ultimately contentment comes from within but it's easier to have with the correct external forces supporting you. Things at this point in your life should be easier to achieve, not because they are in fact easier because often time they are more difficult tasks, but because you have years of experience knowing that you can overcome any obstacle placed in your path.

I'm 45 and can relate to much of what you've said. I wish I had time to write more, but you really are in your prime. Do want you need to do so you can do what you want to do. Those two things should be very balanced at this point in your life, whereas when you're younger you're always doing the needs and you never have time to think about your wants.