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Loneliness is pervasive and rising, particularly among the young

economist.com

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Re: Loneliness is pervasive and rising, particularly among the young

#201

Post by mynameishere »

gaius wrote: post #168
ronnier wrote: post #106

My opinion is that likely mostly impacts men. I see men struggling to find women to date (and the opposite for women, too many men to pick from). The internet and apps have made the dating market very difficult for men in general. Women literally have 100's or 1000's of choices at any given time while men will struggle to have a single option. There are just more men now than ever it seems, and it's really exaggerate…

I am happily married now of course but when I tried online dating years ago, I remember that many women were hyperspecific about what they wanted in terms of minimum height and minimum income and even make of car in a potential partner. This was written in their profiles. The population of 6-foot-plus BMW driving 6-figures earning men on online dating was probably much, much smaller than the horde of women who would…

I suppose I could get a stupid BMW and hit all the desirable points you list, but I doubt it would help. In fact I'm sure it wouldn't.

But you aren't kidding about women's preferences on dating sites. They can actually go on and on and on, sometimes numbering fifty or sixty necessary traits. By contrast, what does a man want? Aside from political men who need a competent hostess, I think just about every man wants:

1. A woman who is passably attractive.

2. A woman who isn't crazy.

That's about it, but damn that narrows down 3.5 billion women mighty fast.

Re: Loneliness is pervasive and rising, particularly among the young

#202

Post by tomp »

justboxing wrote: post #163
gbear605 wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For people between 25 and 54, in America, there are almost exactly as many men as women, to within less than one percent. [0] So if you see more men than women around you, that's a filter bubble that you've artificially put yourself in. Therefore the converse must be that there are many other places in America where there are more women than men. So go out, socialize, get away from your bubble, and meet other people.…

> For people between 25 and 54, in America, there are almost exactly as many men as women, to within less than one percent Even if true, this means nothing w.r.t. men struggling to find women. Like with most other things in life, a few good (looking) men, rich men, charismatic men disproportionately (get to) date several women, whereas most (,not all) women tend to be loyal to 1 guy [1], so that leaves a lot of men w…

> Because society says

I often wonder if it's society saying it, or if it's reality (e.g. our biology or plain logic) saying it and our society just echoing. For example, society is saying that you should brush your teeth, but science is also saying that, so it's a good thing that society is echoing and amplifying the message.

For the specific example you mentioned, I think it's very likely that society is just echoing what biology is dictating, which is that men have sex/children with as many women as they can, and women to select as good genes for their few children as they can.

Re: Loneliness is pervasive and rising, particularly among the young

#203

Post by Timmah »

lists wrote: post #194
kakarot wrote: post #164

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How much of your anxiety boils down to just not feeling confident about the appropriate actions to take or words to say in social situations? That's something that can be remedied for anyone with a little focused education.

>How much of your anxiety boils down to just not feeling confident about the appropriate actions to take or words to say in social situations? You're enabling your own prescription by making the problem easier, viz. reducing the problem of anxiety to "not feeling confident about the appropriate actions to take", which, I might add, is also a redundant claim since its taking an effect of anxiety and elevating it to th…

Asking how much was due to a specific cause isn't "reducing the problem". Anxiety is among the most treatable of all mental illness.

Re: Loneliness is pervasive and rising, particularly among the young

#204

Post by ryanmarsh »

com2kid wrote: post #173
ddebernardy wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with most of your points but part of this bit is incorrect: > Even if involuntary they 'trained' people's social skills and withered away at their acquired/innate social anxiety. Humans don't have a shred of innate social anxiety except perhaps in some odd pathological cases. Any parent who has dealt with a toddler that has yet to learn to talk will tell you that much. Toddlers who can't speak yet try very ha…

> Humans don't have a shred of innate social anxiety except perhaps in some odd pathological cases. This is not true at all. Baby's, even at a few months old, run the gamut from excited to meet new people to shy and withdrawn around strangers. I have a friend whose son, at 6 months old, was well socialized but completely uneager to interact with people he didn't know. And I've met plenty of toddlers who hide behind t…

Clinical social anxiety is much more than shyness.

Shyness and/or fear around strange adults is a healthy biological response. Even children raised in isolation and who show immediate fear of other new children are still quick to make friends when introduced to pre-school (a terrifying experience altogether).

Children who cannot be socialized effectively by around age four (5% of boys, a much smaller % of girls) usually end up punished explicitly by society in their later youth and early adulthood.

Re: Loneliness is pervasive and rising, particularly among the young

#205

Post by bscphil »

whitepoplar wrote: post #138

Moving to NYC saved my life. I was depressed, lonely, insecure, and starving socially. When I got here, I discovered a city of people who were earnest, open to meeting others, and happy to welcome me into their lives. What makes this city so great for people like me is that it forces you to both strive for better and not take yourself so seriously (because no one fucking cares). It's a city full of selfish, caring, h…

Agree with others - some more details or examples would be great. As someone who's been in exactly that kind of rut for years, I would seriously consider dropping everything and moving somewhere like this.

Re: Loneliness is pervasive and rising, particularly among the young

#206

Post by jarjoura »

Wouldn't surprise me that a British publication would note that loneliness is on the rise as American culture norms are being spread around the world through our media and technology.

There are thousands and thousands of books and papers written on American individualism at the root of our very superficial friendships since the early 20th century. A quick Google search returns books that date to the 1970s on the very topic.

How many of your friends have only been along for a part of your life journey and then you lose touch and grow apart? We are driven to pursue our dreams and passions and become as successful as we can in whatever we think that means for us.

I mean, we're the country that invented the nursing home, complete with the expression, "you're born alone and you die alone."

Re: Loneliness is pervasive and rising, particularly among the young

#207

Post by bscphil »

gnulinux wrote: post #64
kadendogthing wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>There's really nothing stopping you OP's point was that there's nothing forcing us to do those things, not that there are now barriers. > You'll meet plenty of people along the way If you talk to anyone walking/running in city centers prepare for harsh stares and people walking ever so slightly faster to get away from the presumably crazy guy. At least that's most definitely how I would react.

I think this is a cultural thing. I grew up somewhere around Europe and random people talking to me on the street would be a big nono, I would run for my life; would definitely at least give a weird look and increase my speed. When I moved into the Bay Area for undergrad I saw this is completely normal here. So, I started talking to randoms too, and it usually feels very much when you feel lonely and at the supermark…

That's really fascinating to me. I live in LA (for over 3 years now) and literally no one on the street, in a restaurant, or a store has ever just started talking to me. I would be startled and probably expect you to ask me for money if you did that to me here. Is the Bay really that different?

Re: Loneliness is pervasive and rising, particularly among the young

#208

Post by mikestaub »

androidgirl wrote: post #109

This all hits home, and I agree with a lot of the points on social media. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as just quitting. When I stopped using Facebook at the start of this year, my loneliness got much higher. There's less ways to meet people outside of the internet now. For awhile, I was visiting a hacker-space outside of $WORK, but everyone is already involved with everyone else and it's tough to break into a soc…

I'm working on a new app to help solve this problem, feel free to sign up for the beta. https://peapods.com

Re: Loneliness is pervasive and rising, particularly among the young

#210

Post by culot »

mikestaub wrote: post #208
androidgirl wrote: post #109

This all hits home, and I agree with a lot of the points on social media. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as just quitting. When I stopped using Facebook at the start of this year, my loneliness got much higher. There's less ways to meet people outside of the internet now. For awhile, I was visiting a hacker-space outside of $WORK, but everyone is already involved with everyone else and it's tough to break into a soc…

I'm working on a new app to help solve this problem, feel free to sign up for the beta. https://peapods.com

Really excellent work on the graphics. Adorable!
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