Earlier quoted context omitted.
What sort of mistake can you make to ruin clothes? Use bleach?
Washing them at 90 degrees, drying stuff that isn't supposed to be dried.
That's one or two items,the GP said they ruined "most of my clothes."
What Do Happy Teens Do?
81–90 of 90 posts
Re: What Do Happy Teens Do?
#82Earlier quoted context omitted.
We incorporated our teens into the family. They did not always get it right. But, when that happened, everyone looking to them? Yeah, they see they matter. IMHO, some of this is a very good thing. No need to load them down. Childhood is special. But, having a thing or few that they actually own is good all around. I was brought up a similar way. I valued it
"into the family" ... what? Did you mean to say "family business"? If so, please post more details, that sounds interesting.
Everyone, as they gain skill, and begin to "wake up" as people, ownes something.
It is not just a chore. Others won't do it. Intended. Or, if they do, it is a debt of sorts. Consequenses.
Say the cat box gets too dirty. The bathroom stinks. People notice, but more importantly, the one who owns it notices eventually.
Then the dots get connected.
My wife would have them do meals, planning, money, store. And then make them do it. We ate the outcome.
Lol (was interesting at times)
Doing it this way does carry some risk. Say a light meal because someone did not think it through the planning, or shitty school lunch one day because same, or someone got the munchies. But, just make sure it is livable, not super ugly.
I did car stuff, fixing things. The kids would check things, and do upkeep. I did double check these. But out of sight. Oil, lights, tires.
Same for the yard.
For a time, I was self employed. One older daughter did billing and books.
Think language immersion. It is like that. Let them sink, and they will swim. Or, if not, pull them out, let them be kids, and try again. Often they would ask me for something.
Re: What Do Happy Teens Do?
#83I did and still do a lot of the 'unhappy' activities and few of the 'happy' activities. I seem fine. What gives?
Re: What Do Happy Teens Do?
#84Earlier quoted context omitted.
Not really - not everyone feels like they have things to rebel against. My spouse was one of those. He never really felt like he had anything to rebel against. By the time he was a teenager, it had been established that his limits were reasonable. Sure, he questioned why something was so, but always got an actual reason. Sure, he says he was a jerk and stuff, but that's immaturity. Rebellion? No need. One of the thin…
I also had a very open and rather permissive childhood. Of course my parents set limits, but they seemed logical most of the time. They encouraged me to engage in various activities and were supportive of my choice of activity, even if it was just trying out football (soccer) a single time, simply to see whether I'd like it. When I told them afterwards that it wasn't for me anyway, they supported my decision. I feel…
I feel like I had a similar experience. I'm just now starting the process of building an independent headspace. Thanks for sharing your story!
Re: What Do Happy Teens Do?
#85Earlier quoted context omitted.
We incorporated our teens into the family. They did not always get it right. But, when that happened, everyone looking to them? Yeah, they see they matter. IMHO, some of this is a very good thing. No need to load them down. Childhood is special. But, having a thing or few that they actually own is good all around. I was brought up a similar way. I valued it
"into the family" ... what? Did you mean to say "family business"? If so, please post more details, that sounds interesting.
[deleted]
Re: What Do Happy Teens Do?
#86Earlier quoted context omitted.
I had to cook dinner once a week from when I was about 13 years old, so by the time I left home at 18 I was pretty confident in cooking. I was shocked at how may people at university were completely incapable of cooking. Boiling water was about the most complex cooking skill they had. I have a colleague who's a fresh graduate and still lives at home, she admitted to me that she has literally no idea how to cook. Like…
I find it even more troubling that people like this apparently cannot read instructions and follow them. There's a simple stepwise list of instructions on the box/can/jar. They're making it as easy as humanly possible, short of actually providing a person to cook for you, and yet some people still can't do it.
I resent the smug tone of this post. I have ADHD; I am neither lazy nor stupid, but cooking is an ordeal for me. I cannot follow cooking instructions, at least not reliably. I'll look at the list of ingredients and get the amounts wrong (mix up one line for the line below/above it), or do the steps out of order. I've forgotten to put the flavor packet in the pot when making Hamburger Helper. I've put chocolate chips into a cookie dough mix too early, meticulously picked them out, then dumped them right back in again.
Congratulations for you that cooking is simple and easy. It isn't for everybody.
Re: What Do Happy Teens Do?
#87Earlier quoted context omitted.
Teach them to do their own laundry. I ruined most of my clothes when I moved out and an 18 yro has no budget to replace a wardrobe. I’m still annoyed that I wasn’t taught something so simple.
What sort of mistake can you make to ruin clothes? Use bleach?
Leave a pen in a pair of jeans and wind up with ink spots on everything.
Re: What Do Happy Teens Do?
#88Earlier quoted context omitted.
I find it even more troubling that people like this apparently cannot read instructions and follow them. There's a simple stepwise list of instructions on the box/can/jar. They're making it as easy as humanly possible, short of actually providing a person to cook for you, and yet some people still can't do it.
I resent the smug tone of this post. I have ADHD; I am neither lazy nor stupid, but cooking is an ordeal for me. I cannot follow cooking instructions, at least not reliably. I'll look at the list of ingredients and get the amounts wrong (mix up one line for the line below/above it), or do the steps out of order. I've forgotten to put the flavor packet in the pot when making Hamburger Helper. I've put chocolate chips…
I understand that it may be difficult for you, but the people we're talking about don't have ADHD, they're just lacking in basic life skills.
A lot of people spend their first 18 years with no responsibilities, they always had a parent or someone else to do things for them. They are then rudely awakened when they leave home and have to fend for themselves.
A lot of the skills that they were missing were things that I had been doing for years, because I was fortunate enough to have parents who taught me how to do things rather than just doing it for me. I disliked it at the time, having to do my own work, but it was important to learn.
Often the skills that my friends were lacking were just basic life skills, such as being able to sew on a button or a patch, how to operate a washing machine properly, how to change a car tyre or their oil (or at least check their oil), how to iron a shirt, etc. etc.
They were also lacking in more important life skills, like being able to budget properly and look after their money. I knew a group of girls in one house who ended up spending hundreds of dollars a month for electricity in winter, because they were running heaters in every room 24/7 to try and keep their uninsulated house warm, they just didn't even think of what their power bill would be and were shocked when they received it. I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was more than double what me and my housemates were paying.
Re: What Do Happy Teens Do?
#89Earlier quoted context omitted.
I find it even more troubling that people like this apparently cannot read instructions and follow them. There's a simple stepwise list of instructions on the box/can/jar. They're making it as easy as humanly possible, short of actually providing a person to cook for you, and yet some people still can't do it.
I resent the smug tone of this post. I have ADHD; I am neither lazy nor stupid, but cooking is an ordeal for me. I cannot follow cooking instructions, at least not reliably. I'll look at the list of ingredients and get the amounts wrong (mix up one line for the line below/above it), or do the steps out of order. I've forgotten to put the flavor packet in the pot when making Hamburger Helper. I've put chocolate chips…
I absolutely did not mean my post as a slight against people with ADHD, I sometimes struggle with deficient attention and focus myself, and I've done similar things to what you describe, especially if I've been tired or stressed out.
My post was meant as a critique of otherwise normally-functioning adults who are somehow completely deficient in completely basic skills, and even lack the tools or willingness to apply previous experiences and learn how to do things.
They're lacking the very basic skill of being able to learn, which I think is terrifying.
Re: What Do Happy Teens Do?
#90Earlier quoted context omitted.
I resent the smug tone of this post. I have ADHD; I am neither lazy nor stupid, but cooking is an ordeal for me. I cannot follow cooking instructions, at least not reliably. I'll look at the list of ingredients and get the amounts wrong (mix up one line for the line below/above it), or do the steps out of order. I've forgotten to put the flavor packet in the pot when making Hamburger Helper. I've put chocolate chips…
I understand that it may be difficult for you, but the people we're talking about don't have ADHD, they're just lacking in basic life skills. A lot of people spend their first 18 years with no responsibilities, they always had a parent or someone else to do things for them. They are then rudely awakened when they leave home and have to fend for themselves. A lot of the skills that they were missing were things that I…
I think part of the problem is that a lot of people refuse to even try, maybe because something is not immediately obvious to them, or because they're afraid to fail.
They're simply lacking in basic curiosity and cannot accept that sometimes you have to fail, in order to learn.