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Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
181–190 of 553 posts
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#182Motivation.
I'd like to retire ASAP, but I'm already old (45) and I've just let so many opportunities slip by because I can't get off my ass.
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#183Good one to vent a bit. I'm 30 now, living in the Netherlands, and dropped out of a PhD in epidemiology/bioinformatics to work remotely for a company in the US. This has been great. Pay is wonderful, approx 130k/year. My official title is something like Senior Data Scientist. I work mostly on the application of machine learning and natural language processing to clinical study data. Between the day to day ops and man…
I think you're amplifying the weight of the degree in the hiring process and I'm not sure it's such a hard requirement given the increasing demand for data scientists and ML engineers. I can definitely empathize with your lack of confidence given that I'm a drop-out myself [Undergrad - quite far from PhD :D]
I even have an H-index of 8 (eight papers of which I am included as an author, cited at least 8 times). It's more the uncertainty that I am struggling with. I don't want to become some wage slave weighed down by a barely payable mortgage. I want to work on stuff that truly matters, but funnily enough ... the world is in disagreement on that one as far as I can see (ads, "social" networks, forcing influence one way or the other ...)
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#184I struggle with the question whether to have children or not. I'm surrounded by new fathers who struggle with their children, whose wives have turned from attractive women into unattractive moms. I read witty comments all the time suggesting how much of a burden kids are. This struggle burns me out.
As another viewpoint from the other responders here; we decided not to have kids and no regrets 20 years in, quite the opposite. Luckily where we are from it does not have as much stigma as in other places as most our friends do not have kids.
I think it is important to make up your mind (with your current significant other; another relation might swing your opinion, it happens a lot); I know many people where one of the two wanted kids (usually the woman but in some cases the man) and that ended up badly after getting kids; sometimes a long time after, but when you get older you notice this 1/3rd divorce thing is real and with those couples the fights (I sat on the embarrassing end of dinners at friends...) ends with something like ‘but you took away my youth’.
Too many people still have a baby to save the relationship; maybe it works for some, but it didn’t for the people I know anyway.
As for a burden; I know people get a lot of satisfaction from kids. If I had them I would be full in as I do with everything. Probably so would you. It is more important to think of your future plans and ambitions maybe; my wife and myself are people with a lot of plans, always had those and we wanted to execute them. I do not believe in having kids and then having them raised by the nanny and boarding school. Children simply did not fit; if we would have had ‘an accident’, we always said we would have kept her/him and would’ve had a second one and change our planning to ‘settle down’. Accidents did not happen and we were free to follow our planning and not ‘settle down’.
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#185A vicious cycle of procrastination and being easily distracted. When I finally sit down to do something I am unable to complete meaningful progress (meaningful to me). I have a laundry list of things I wanted to accomplish by now, and haven't, and it's a growing weight on me.
Have the same problem and basically have my whole life. When I do finally get in the zone I get a lot done but getting there is nearly impossible. I've thought of trying some nootropics to help because its probably my biggest issue and I've tried most other things, and drugs sound easier if they work.
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#186I struggle with imagining the second act of my life. In my first act - my 20s - I got more exciting jobs than I could hope for, started two organizations I am proud of, made friends for life, was popular enough that people knew who I was before I knew who they were. For various reasons, I left this first act - both mentally and geographically. Today I have a family, emotional and financial stability, and job prospect…
I hear you! I'm in my late 30s and, although I don't have a family, I'm in a similar sounding situation myself. My first act sounds pretty similar to your own and, for one reason or another, in the last few years I've undergone a similar sounding shift. Although it's all for the good, I've found the shifting identity tough (I've always had a very clear self identity). When talking to others, any description of myself…
I'm in my mid 30's and if anything I'm in the opposite boat, most of my accomplishments are in the last 5 years, and the last year in particular.
My identity was very tenuous for most of my life, and has only come into focus quite recently. I spent most of my life trying not to be transgender, in particular, and transitioned over the last year. A lot of the things I do and am now would have been wild fantasy even a few years ago. It is going well, and it feels nearly complete.
I do worry what I will do with my life now. Transitioning has been an all consuming thing in all kinds of senses, but the end is in sight at this point. Being the correct gender frees up a tremendous amount of emotional and mental energy - but I don't know what to do with that energy. I've overcome something tremendous but it's left me about where most other people are.
I definitely want my life to be about more than gender. I could very easily stagnate where I am.
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#187Making big life changes. I just don't know where to start, and even after breaking them down into tiny tasks, I procrastinate on them... probably because I'm a little bit scared. Or a lot scared.
The current project is moving overseas. The next step is to find a recruiter in the country I'm looking to move to, since I'll need a job offer and visa sponsorship, and it's really difficult to job search internationally. But it's so difficult even to identify reputable recruiters locally, where you have a network and can ask for recommendations from people you know. How do you find someone to trust in a totally new location?
So I've been putting that off for (checks calendar) 6 months now.
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#188I’m 30 and haven’t really had much dating experience. It boggles my mind how people are already married by 30. How does dating work? Serious question.
I think the biggest help is living in an area that has a lot of the group you're interested in dating (whether that's men or women).
If you're a single man in the bay area interested in women it's a lot harder than being in NYC or DC (not impossible, but everything is harder). If you're in an area that has a lot of people you get more social skills practice and it's easier to meet people via apps and just regular life.
The other stuff is just social skills practice, wearing nicer clothes, being in better shape etc. All those can be worked on separately, but all of that is given a difficulty modifier based on how competitive your area is.
As someone who's spent years in the bay area as a single man (some dates, one relationship) and then some time in DC the difference in difficulty is comically obvious.
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#189Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#190I’m 30 and haven’t really had much dating experience. It boggles my mind how people are already married by 30. How does dating work? Serious question.
I didn't get married until I was in my late 20s. Before that I had never held hands, never kissed, was still a virgin, etc. I always struggled with thinking my competition had a huge advantage by having experience in all those things. But now that I have significant experience myself (married + 2 kids), I realize that wasn't really the case. You can go from a level 0 kisser to a level 3 kisser in an evening or two (m…
Please explain what the levels of kissing are? Or link to a description?