141–150 of 553 posts
Having enough time to do things. After you have a kid, you can only have one hobby. After you have two kids, it seems you can only have one hobby once in a blue moon.
Try four :*( I sleep five hours a night and get up at 4 to start work so that i can spend the day with my family and not feel guilty about spending a measly one hour hobby coding or writing (and it kills me to choose) For the record, love my kids, wouldn't change a thing. I just wish I didn't need those five hours sleep
My wife is constantly asking when is the next time we can "have a break" but I'm actually happier with the status quo than when we go away. I'm not sure what to do.
I'm genuinely interested in advice if anyone has any to share.
I struggle with the question whether to have children or not. I'm surrounded by new fathers who struggle with their children, whose wives have turned from attractive women into unattractive moms. I read witty comments all the time suggesting how much of a burden kids are. This struggle burns me out.
2) I regret not starting to have kids earlier, as I wish I had more.
3) What kids want most is your time, not STUFF. So yes your free time goes away, but it does come back as they get older.
4) Kids are great fun.
5) Yes your wife will change, but so will you.
I’m 30 and haven’t really had much dating experience. It boggles my mind how people are already married by 30. How does dating work? Serious question.
Don't use apps for dating unless you want to compete on appearance and you want some good looking but boring, superficial and uninteresting tinder person. The only way to actually like someone, not just push a button that says like, is to spend time with them in real life.
Pivoting my career and figuring out how to enjoy life again. I’ve been working on Wall Street for the past 4-5 years in a front office role and am apparently good at what I do, though I don’t find the work fulfilling or interesting. I’m strongly considering going back to school to focus on more technical fields where I believe my passion lies, but it’s a daunting task when I also have career prospects with my current…
Procrastination - wanting to accomplish things (technical things - learn new language, stack, technology) in my head but not actually starting/completing them. I've tried to minimize my hobbies and whatnot so that I'm not being torn in too many directions but I guess I just aspire to do more software dev-type activities (in my head) but after a day job related to that I can't quite muster up the energy (default to FO…
Also, I find that I am 1000% more likely to do something if I tell someone else that I'm going to do it and ask them to hold me to it (and ask about my progress every so often). I wonder if this could help you to make more progress towards your goals?
Feel free to respond to this or send me an email at my username @gmail if you want to chat more about this... I'm also looking for ways to conquer procrastination and get more done!
I’m 30 and haven’t really had much dating experience. It boggles my mind how people are already married by 30. How does dating work? Serious question.
Don't take it as gospel, in fact ignore most of it (specially negging, and any other kind of power plays).
But you'll see that it's possible, you will also learn to read signs.
Mostly dating consists of improving oneself, be social, don't objectify people and learn the unwritten rules.
I’m 30 and haven’t really had much dating experience. It boggles my mind how people are already married by 30. How does dating work? Serious question.
Here is what happened for me:
- Used Match then POF then OKC
- Probably went on about 150 dates over the course of about 4-5 years. Sounds like a lot but averages out to 1 every 2 weeks. In reality it was probably 4 to 5 over a two week span every couple of months. Most of the time was just sending LOTS of "requests" out and playing the law of large numbers. I liked OKC too b/c they had some gamification circa early 2010s that helped you find people who were attracted to you.
- Most of the dates did not translate into 2nd dates for a long time. I attribute this to not being good at "dating" in general, flirting in particular and the low switching costs of dating in NYC for the other side e.g. if you are a pretty girl in your 20's in NYC there will "be another one soon"
-Read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Changed my life. Primarily, I realized my model for interacting with women was based on familial roles e.g. empathy, sharing emotions etc. I realized that is great for family or long term relationships but not for first dating and the first three months.
The book taught me that being "playful" and "good natured teasing" were the most important parts initially. I realized I already had those parts of my personality but I wasn't exposing them because I thought that wasn't how dating "worked".
A lot of the stories in the book are not practical for finding quality long term relationships but a couple of points stuck out to me:
- One a lot of what you think think are limits in social interaction are in your head and therefore can be ignored
- He has a quote in the book where he says "My friends and my family failed me because they love me for who I was and not for who I could become"
- Human interaction (be it with men or women) is a lot more "programmatic" than you think it is. e.g. Saying phrase1, phrase2, phrase3 can be very different than saying phr3, phr1, phr2. How you say something can have way more impact than what you say.
- Like with persuasion in general, it can sometimes border on manipulation so it's important to have your own "line" to cross. That being said, it's a lot like working out physically: you can get bigger muscles but you can't get taller. In personality terms: you can learn funny stories to help you make friends but that won't make you a comedian. In other words, there is always a way to improve but don't fight too hard to change things you can't and don't be someone you're not.
I would also recommend these guys: https://theartofcharm.com/
They definitely offer the best combination of practical advice while also being respectful to women and offering lots of great non-dating advice.
This was a very frustrating process for me and if people are interested in the above I am happy to add more color/suggestions if it saves others the time and frustration I went through.
I struggle with imagining the second act of my life. In my first act - my 20s - I got more exciting jobs than I could hope for, started two organizations I am proud of, made friends for life, was popular enough that people knew who I was before I knew who they were. For various reasons, I left this first act - both mentally and geographically. Today I have a family, emotional and financial stability, and job prospect…