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In ‘Small Fry,’ Steve Jobs Comes Across as a Jerk. His Daughter Forgives Him

nytimes.com

11–20 of 27 posts

Re: In ‘Small Fry,’ Steve Jobs Comes Across as a Jerk. His Daughter Forgives Him

#11

> The neighbors next door worried about the teenage Lisa, and one night, when Mr. Jobs was out, they moved her from his house and into theirs. Against Mr. Jobs’s wishes, the neighbors paid for her to finish college. (He later paid them back.) > Ms. Brennan-Jobs describes her father’s frequent use of money to confuse or frighten her. “Sometimes he decided not to pay for things at the very last minute,” she writes, “wa…

Her explanation follows the last passage you quote:

> Ms. Brennan-Jobs said she wrote “Small Fry” in part to figure out why he withheld money from her even as his wealth ballooned, and as he spent it more freely on the children he had with Ms. Powell Jobs. She said she now sees it was about teaching her that money can corrupt.

> The ethos “felt true and kind of beautiful and kind of enlightened for somebody like that,” she said. Still, the question was “why he would have taken that value system and applied it so severely to me.”

Re: In ‘Small Fry,’ Steve Jobs Comes Across as a Jerk. His Daughter Forgives Him

#12

> The neighbors next door worried about the teenage Lisa, and one night, when Mr. Jobs was out, they moved her from his house and into theirs. Against Mr. Jobs’s wishes, the neighbors paid for her to finish college. (He later paid them back.) > Ms. Brennan-Jobs describes her father’s frequent use of money to confuse or frighten her. “Sometimes he decided not to pay for things at the very last minute,” she writes, “wa…

Or maybe he wasn't sacrificing his natural humility to teach his daughter an important lesson on the toxicity of wealth, and he was just an asshole. Which explanation is simpler?

Oh I didn't mean to imply any humility or positive traits in Jobs, I was thinking more about how it must have felt for his daughter and how she had to rationalize it.

Re: In ‘Small Fry,’ Steve Jobs Comes Across as a Jerk. His Daughter Forgives Him

#13
post #8

Jerk? No, Steve Jobs was an asshole, across the board. He was also a visionary and he was able to achieve great things. Guess what, being a highly achieving visionary is orthogonal to being a good person. People need to stop conflating the two and stop idolizing people just because of their achievements.

I agree with all of this but would just note that Jobs wasn't an asshole every minute of the day, or even most of every day. He was often nice, charismatic, and inspirational.

Jobs was IMO a High-Functioning Sociopath - http://www.md-health.com/Sociopath-Traits.html

He turned his charm on when he need to accomplish something, but there is no real empathy for anyone who was not useful to him in some way. The sad reality of Lisa's situation was that he didn't need her. So he treated her very badly, and then as is typical with sociopaths, turn around and blame her for his behavior. I truly sympathize with her.

Re: In ‘Small Fry,’ Steve Jobs Comes Across as a Jerk. His Daughter Forgives Him

#14

For some of this tone and context matter. If you tell someone they smell like a toilet but you smile before and laugh after, or sort of squint and say it playfully, it might be a joke and not mean. This is doubly true of a family member.

Although what you say might be true, this is exactly the kind of "joke" that comes easily and frequently from those who really are cruel from what I've seen.

Re: In ‘Small Fry,’ Steve Jobs Comes Across as a Jerk. His Daughter Forgives Him

#15

Jerk? No, Steve Jobs was an asshole, across the board. He was also a visionary and he was able to achieve great things. Guess what, being a highly achieving visionary is orthogonal to being a good person. People need to stop conflating the two and stop idolizing people just because of their achievements.

edit - nevermind... forgot what orthogonal means.

Re: In ‘Small Fry,’ Steve Jobs Comes Across as a Jerk. His Daughter Forgives Him

#16
post #14

For some of this tone and context matter. If you tell someone they smell like a toilet but you smile before and laugh after, or sort of squint and say it playfully, it might be a joke and not mean. This is doubly true of a family member.

Although what you say might be true, this is exactly the kind of "joke" that comes easily and frequently from those who really are cruel from what I've seen.

well you sound like a toilet, haha!

Re: In ‘Small Fry,’ Steve Jobs Comes Across as a Jerk. His Daughter Forgives Him

#17

> The neighbors next door worried about the teenage Lisa, and one night, when Mr. Jobs was out, they moved her from his house and into theirs. Against Mr. Jobs’s wishes, the neighbors paid for her to finish college. (He later paid them back.) > Ms. Brennan-Jobs describes her father’s frequent use of money to confuse or frighten her. “Sometimes he decided not to pay for things at the very last minute,” she writes, “wa…

Regarding the house, it's almost as if the message is “Don't make financial requests of me. If you do I'll find a way to use them against you.”

Re: In ‘Small Fry,’ Steve Jobs Comes Across as a Jerk. His Daughter Forgives Him

#18

> The neighbors next door worried about the teenage Lisa, and one night, when Mr. Jobs was out, they moved her from his house and into theirs. Against Mr. Jobs’s wishes, the neighbors paid for her to finish college. (He later paid them back.) > Ms. Brennan-Jobs describes her father’s frequent use of money to confuse or frighten her. “Sometimes he decided not to pay for things at the very last minute,” she writes, “wa…

Or maybe he wasn't sacrificing his natural humility to teach his daughter an important lesson on the toxicity of wealth, and he was just an asshole. Which explanation is simpler?

Especially considering he treated only one of his children this way, and not the rest (at least to such an extreme extent). If his motives were really to teach them a lesson in fiscal responsibility and greed, I don't think he would subject only one of his children to such cold-hearted "education".

Re: In ‘Small Fry,’ Steve Jobs Comes Across as a Jerk. His Daughter Forgives Him

#19

Jerk? No, Steve Jobs was an asshole, across the board. He was also a visionary and he was able to achieve great things. Guess what, being a highly achieving visionary is orthogonal to being a good person. People need to stop conflating the two and stop idolizing people just because of their achievements.

edit - nevermind... forgot what orthogonal means.

That's not what orthogonal means. It doesn't mean "opposite".

Being a good person and being a high achieving person is very possible. Not necessary, not guaranteed. They just have nothing to do with each other.

Re: In ‘Small Fry,’ Steve Jobs Comes Across as a Jerk. His Daughter Forgives Him

#20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

edit - nevermind... forgot what orthogonal means.

That's not what orthogonal means. It doesn't mean "opposite". Being a good person and being a high achieving person is very possible. Not necessary, not guaranteed. They just have nothing to do with each other.

Oh yeah... Whoops!

You're right.

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