Earlier quoted context omitted.
That's really hard to cope with and a big burden on you, particularly, especially since you see it leaking over to your child. When you mention the hostility, what kind of things were said? How does your spouse justify their behaviour? It sounds like there are attributes both of OCD and OCPD, and that makes for a very tough combination.
I defiantly learned over the years that my approach might have lead to more of these issues. Applying logic to each instance as resulted in the opposite effect and opened new doors in terms of what dirty versus clean is. My spouse has a tendency to push back against things they might be told. For example, if somebody told them they were gaining weight, they would eat more. Being somebody who struggles with a hot temp…
That last one isn't like the others! You could almost certainly safely lick the bottom of your shoes (assuming you hadn't just literally stepped in shit).