I’m using a throwaway account and trying to keep personal details sparse to keep this as anonymous as possible. Also, despite my frustration with the situation, I’ll attempt to be as neutral as possible.
My significant other was always “germ conscious”; clean hands, no shoes in the house, etc. Nothing over the top or alarming. However, over the years, there have been huge shifts in behavior and routine in regards to keeping clean. This person has made the house the “clean zone”. All attempts are made to avoid contamination from the outside world.
The routines in the house start with the notion that you are dirty if you’ve been outside. “Outside” isn’t inherently dirty, so things like yard work and actual dirt are okay. Basically, if you’ve driven anywhere, you’re dirty. Anything that you or your clothing touches (while dirty) must be cleaned. If it’s the floor, it must be cleaned immediately to avoid tracking germs through the house.
The dirty rules apply to everything. Anything brought into the house from outside is dirty and must be cleaned before use.
Strictly speaking, the basement is dirty. Touching (nearly) anything means that your hands are now dirty. Shoes or slippers must be worn before going downstairs.
Shoes must be removed before coming in the house, but you can’t step where your shoes have been...otherwise your feet are dirty also. Sandal wearers must wear socks in the house.
We have guests over, but all walkways must be cleaned after they’ve left. Any surfaces they touched or sat on are cleaned as well.
Work days must end with a shower and change of clothing after coming home. It doesn’t have to happen immediately, but one can’t sit on furniture and should be careful not to contaminate anything.
The furniture, floors, cabinets, handles and counters see regular cleaning with either lysol wipes, alcohol wipes or lysol spray.
One larger issue stems from the fact that my spouse is a medical professional and is fearful of transmission of things like MRSA. While there is a real concern there, I’m of the opinion that the cleanliness routine is too extreme. This person does not typically do not work in a hospital, but when they do, they have a routine that must be followed.
- The car must be sanitized
- Shoes are removed outside and sanitized
- Clothing is removed in the basement and put into the wash immediately
- Person showers, which unfortunately means a naked stroll across the house from the basement all the way to the bathroom.
- Clothing is washed again
- The washer is now washed
After drying on the line, the clothing is washed again and the line is sanitized
All items on the person (jewelry, purse, bags, phone, pens, etc…) must be sanitized
This behaviour has slowly gotten worse since we started living together. The logic is consistent, but new behaviours are constantly being added. Where I’m really beginning to become concerned is that we recently had a child. I’m hopeful that this will encourage positive change, as some behaviors aren’t sustainable with a antsy child. But, I’m concerned that they will get worse and that the child will pick up on these behaviours.
Early signs of concern with the child: The showering rule applies to everybody. So, somebody has to hold the baby while the other showers. You can’t put the baby anywhere, because that would be dirty now as well. This has already become problematic now that the baby is almost three. Basically, somebody is stuck with a squirmy kid that you can’t put down for upwards of 20 minutes.
ANY attempt at discussing this has been met with extreme hostility, to the point where I’m afraid to mention or question the germaphobia.
I try to be very patient, but I believe that I've enabled too much of this behavior for fear of sacrificing a happy household.