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Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

danoah.com

101–110 of 123 posts

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#101
post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I thought non-conformity was supposed to be valued? Why should you have to conform just so you don't get punched?

"Was valued" by whom? Are you pressuring me to conform with the local pro-non-conformity value system? Anyway, I firmly believe that nonconformity is for adults. If you want to reject conformity you need to do it by choice, not by inability. You must learn to conform perfectly before you can non-conform properly. Otherwise it's not nonconformity, it's merely social incompetence. Anyway, nonconformity is not the same…

My, you are a nasty little troll, aren't you? Nobody's pressuring you to conform with anything. That's the whole point of non-conformity.

And I call bullshit on your choice metaphor too. Whether someone's different due to choice, lack of ability, not giving a damn about fashion or if it's just the way they're wired, bullying them for being different is wrong.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#102

This comment will be controversial, especially for North Americans and Western Europeans. I ask you to read it and think about it a moment before reacting, and comment if you disagree. I believe what I'm about to say is true, and I'm not trying to get a rise out of people - I want to fix some problems with society. I feel for the author. I also moved around a lot as a kid. No, wasn't a military family. Just coinciden…

I completely agree with you. I think if I have a kid I will sit him down when he is young and explain to him that I do not expect him to ever suffer or martyr himself with his good intentions -- and then maybe he will know what to do.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Both your post and the original overgeneralize, treating bullies as a monolithic entity with a single motivation and a single response. Bullies are not "wild animals" bullying for "no reason", they're people with unique intellects and desires and motivations that you, or they, may not understand. They may want others to see them as tough, or to feel powerful or in control, or for laughs, or because they have somethin…

Good comment, thanks for the reply. To clarify, you only "fuck them up" when they make violence on you. After they put their hands on you or someone innocent, they're in the wrong and they've forfeited their moral right. Also, something to think about - > Bullies are not "wild animals" bullying for "no reason", they're people with unique intellects and desires and motivations that you, or they, may not understand. I…

Out of interest, what would you do if they never became violent and were just bullied verbally? Would you just continually tease back? How would you do this if they were on a better social footing than you?

Or perhaps every time they demonstrated their strength to you, it was just in a 'playfight' that you felt forced to 'not take seriously'.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Good comment, thanks for the reply. To clarify, you only "fuck them up" when they make violence on you. After they put their hands on you or someone innocent, they're in the wrong and they've forfeited their moral right. Also, something to think about - > Bullies are not "wild animals" bullying for "no reason", they're people with unique intellects and desires and motivations that you, or they, may not understand. I…

Kids, in particular, don't always develop a conscience until later in life.

I don't think this is something that is even certain.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#105

This comment will be controversial, especially for North Americans and Western Europeans. I ask you to read it and think about it a moment before reacting, and comment if you disagree. I believe what I'm about to say is true, and I'm not trying to get a rise out of people - I want to fix some problems with society. I feel for the author. I also moved around a lot as a kid. No, wasn't a military family. Just coinciden…

Overall, I have a hard time disagreeing with you. It's worth pointing out, though, that early on, especially in elementary school, talking it out might work, especially among lightweight bullies with more talk than physical action. This reminds me of an odd story. In middle school, there was this kid on my bus who I found amusing. I mean, something about him was just comical to me. I didn't dislike him, either. I'd p…

Having a very similar childhood as the author, I'd have to agree with him and you.

Bullying tends to stem from low self-esteem, but we must try to consider that some people aren't looking for the same type of acclamation.

Warriors, hunters, gatherers, care-givers, etc. are personality traits that are embedded in our biological evolution.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#106
In some cultures - especially England - insults are a friendship overture. (Yes, it's stupid, but it's the way things are.) What that means, is that the optimal response is to insult back - laughing. not to ignore it and not to take umbrage.

No, I'm not saying that all bullies are 'just trying to make friends'. They're not, some of them are vicious shits. But if you live in such a culture, your kid needs to know about it or he will never make friends (I'm not sure if this applies to girls). It will seem like every other kid is out to get them.

Laughingly insulting back says 'I have respect for myself, and I am willing to be friends'.

I didn't learn this while I was a kid.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#107
post #89

One aspect of home educating our four kids is that none of them have ever been bullied.

Right, but unfortunately bullying is a part of life and learning how to deal with it is an important life skill. How will you teach your children to deal with this kind of aggressive confrontation? School isn't just about academic education, it's about social education, I'm genuinely curious how you can achieve this in a home school setting

I know many home school children, and the common idea that they are not socially educated, or well adjusted, is a myth. Most home schooled children do not sit at home all day - cordoned away from the world. They are usually involved in as much, if not more, activities outside of the home as public schooled children. They have friends in their neighborhoods, and friends they meet in home school groups and their home school activities. As a matter of fact the home schooled children I know are not only generally smarter, and the adults (home schooled) more successful and happier in life, but the kids are far more socially adjusted than the kids that go to public schools.

Public schools by in large create social constructs that do not exist in the adult world. The home schooled children can converse and interact in a healthy way with both young and old - instead of their exclusive peer group.

I home school my children. Yet we have an active church social life, they take piano, wrestling, archery and numerous other peer group events. Plus, on beautiful fall and spring days - when most public school kids are shut up behind brick walls wasting their time in classes with 30+ children learning all of nothing - my kids are outside riding their bikes, exploring the neighborhood, etc.

The other advantage is that if I see other children mistreating my children, or if I see my children mistreating other children (or adults) - I can provide the proper discipline and education in the matter; whereas a teacher wouldn't even think to take the time and deal with the problem. This is not to say I helicopter my children - but I am more aware of issues than a single teacher might that has to keep track of 30 to a 100 or more students at a time and I care more than a teacher would. And thus we come to why we are having this discussion in the first place. The article was written by a guy who had a teacher that was not really connected to him, and his parents were not aware enough of the problem to notice and do anything about it. And the bully's parents the same...

What could have happened with this guy? Had something not turned in his life, he, like many others may have committed suicide and our world would be at a loss for whatever service and good he has thus far rendered.

I think the question really should be this: How is it possible that public school education can teach PROPER socialization - when the evidence and or track record is that these schools produce anti-social behavior and dysfunctional children at such a high level?

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#108
post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's fine and dandy to talk about the psychology of bullying and how there are different tools to deal with it and all that, but when you're a kid and don't know any better, I think it's a lot easier to just do what he suggested and get physical. I've always been a small, calm and rational person, but when it came down to it, I would just bite whoever was trying to bully me. As it turns out, the jaw is one of the str…

Sure, getting physical may sometimes be necessary. It's worth adding that it's important not to enjoy it . (Maybe this is how new bullies are formed?)

I don't think enjoyment is at the top of your mind when the task at hand is to get three big guys off of your back...

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#109
post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Was valued" by whom? Are you pressuring me to conform with the local pro-non-conformity value system? Anyway, I firmly believe that nonconformity is for adults. If you want to reject conformity you need to do it by choice, not by inability. You must learn to conform perfectly before you can non-conform properly. Otherwise it's not nonconformity, it's merely social incompetence. Anyway, nonconformity is not the same…

My, you are a nasty little troll, aren't you? Nobody's pressuring you to conform with anything. That's the whole point of non-conformity. And I call bullshit on your choice metaphor too. Whether someone's different due to choice, lack of ability, not giving a damn about fashion or if it's just the way they're wired, bullying them for being different is wrong.

It's kinda sad that I've been called a troll and modded down for being the only one in this thread to suggest that perhaps social skills and popularity rather than violence are the best way to avoid being a target of bullies.

bullying them for being different is wrong.

We're not arguing about whether bullying is wrong, we're assuming that bullies exist and arguing about what the best way to protect your kids from bullies is. And I still argue that a dozen good friends is worth a whole lot more than an orange belt in karate... and those social skills are probably a lot more useful in later life too.

not giving a damn about fashion

Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey. -- Ambrose Bierce

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#110
post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sure, getting physical may sometimes be necessary. It's worth adding that it's important not to enjoy it . (Maybe this is how new bullies are formed?)

I don't think enjoyment is at the top of your mind when the task at hand is to get three big guys off of your back...

Having got the three guys off your back, how do you feel then?
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