Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

danoah.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

81–90 of 123 posts

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#81

Post by anthonyb »

hugh3 wrote: post #73
pasbesoin wrote: post #19

If I ever have kids, they get martial arts training. From someone who emphasizes self-awareness and a productive discipline, but who does not skimp on the full range of effective techniques and the physical training to achieve them. They may like it more or less. Regardless, it will be a part of their schooling. Bullying ends when you end it. There may be more than one way to accomplish this, but when you're outnumbe…

Everybody is talking about making sure their kid grows up with fighting skills so he can fight back when he gets bullied. Why don't y'all just try to teach your children some social skills and general non-weirdness so that they're not the obvious bully magnet?

I thought non-conformity was supposed to be valued? Why should you have to conform just so you don't get punched?

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#82

Post by ananthrk »

lotharbot wrote: post #17
lionhearted wrote: post #11

This comment will be controversial, especially for North Americans and Western Europeans. I ask you to read it and think about it a moment before reacting, and comment if you disagree. I believe what I'm about to say is true, and I'm not trying to get a rise out of people - I want to fix some problems with society. I feel for the author. I also moved around a lot as a kid. No, wasn't a military family. Just coinciden…

Both your post and the original overgeneralize, treating bullies as a monolithic entity with a single motivation and a single response. Bullies are not "wild animals" bullying for "no reason", they're people with unique intellects and desires and motivations that you, or they, may not understand. They may want others to see them as tough, or to feel powerful or in control, or for laughs, or because they have somethin…

Good comment. In the same vein, not everyone handles being bullied the same way. A related article (http://scienceblogs.com/goodmath/2009/07/very_off_topic_why_...) where the author remains angry even after a long time has passed and how he plans to help his kids deal with such bullying (similar to lionhearted's comment)

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#84

Post by PostOnce »

lionhearted wrote: post #11

This comment will be controversial, especially for North Americans and Western Europeans. I ask you to read it and think about it a moment before reacting, and comment if you disagree. I believe what I'm about to say is true, and I'm not trying to get a rise out of people - I want to fix some problems with society. I feel for the author. I also moved around a lot as a kid. No, wasn't a military family. Just coinciden…

Giving someone a good, hard ass kicking has worked for me, it's gotten people to stay permanently off my back.

However! It has also initiated constantly-escalating near-wars with groups of people showing up at my home with weapons. (I was a teenager. I felt invincible. I grew up.)

Some people will back down if you fight back. Some people will just fight harder.

So, while violence IS a solution, you also have to know WHEN it is a solution, sometimes it is. Sometimes, you're playing a game with terribly high stakes and no jackpot. Sometimes, it's better to walk away.

I used to think I never lost a fight because I was spectacular. Actually, I was just spectacularly lucky. I could be dead right now.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#85

Post by yardie »

Honestly, I can't imagine what the solution is these days. Fight back? maybe. Maybe not. For my son I can say the most important thing is to assess your enemy effectively.

I've lost a few friends through school violence. One was shot in the head at a Christmas party, the other was ambushed, beaten into unconsciousness, and never woke up. When I was a young kid the worse you could expect was to beaten badly, by the time I finished high school clear, PVC backpacks and metal detectors at the entrances were the rule.

My high school wasn't in the best neighborhood and my first experience with a gun (9mm) was some kid showing it off and pointing it at random students.

The point is just know what's at stake before jumping into MAD mode. You may find out the other guy is really ready to go nuclear. In primary school, bullies are easy to figure out, they are little sociopaths that use violence. By high school their little brains have developed and some may be full on psycho.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#86

Post by bambax »

lionhearted wrote: post #11

This comment will be controversial, especially for North Americans and Western Europeans. I ask you to read it and think about it a moment before reacting, and comment if you disagree. I believe what I'm about to say is true, and I'm not trying to get a rise out of people - I want to fix some problems with society. I feel for the author. I also moved around a lot as a kid. No, wasn't a military family. Just coinciden…

I don't find any of this controversial, it sounds like common sense -- except the thinking that "they" are animals and "they" are bad people.

Just watch toddlers; the ones who can walk hit the ones who don't walk yet; and then they are happy about it.

We're all animals; we're bad when we can get away with it. Not being bad requires a life of practice and self-restrain.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#87

Post by varjag »

DifE-Q wrote: post #39
lionhearted wrote: post #11

This comment will be controversial, especially for North Americans and Western Europeans. I ask you to read it and think about it a moment before reacting, and comment if you disagree. I believe what I'm about to say is true, and I'm not trying to get a rise out of people - I want to fix some problems with society. I feel for the author. I also moved around a lot as a kid. No, wasn't a military family. Just coinciden…

I think you are very much right about this. Bullies stop bullying almost always after they have been beat down or at least stood up to. No amount of reasoning will change them. As an anecdotal example: I knew a kid that was bullied in High School constantly by another kid. I and a few others told the bully many times to lay off and nobody thought it was funny. So the bully wasn't doing it to impress anyone else or an…

Had the bully not survived, the bullied kid would've been declared a psychotic killer.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#88

Post by varjag »

znt wrote: post #12

I guess this place has higher percentage of the bullied than other communities, so let me share my bits: I was the little kid with a big head and glasses which was the equivalent of "bully magnet". I got beaten up during kindergarten (by kids smaller than me), got beaten up in elementary school, secondary school, high school. Bullying kind of stopped in university because bullies couldn't pass the entrance tests heh.…

> I knew no way to stop the bullying so naturally I focused my frustration on my poor little sister. I made her cry a lot. I tortured animals. Anything weaker than me received my wrath. And all this time my father was thinking I was a bad naughty boy who should have learned some manners.

You probably also know why bullies did that to you. Never met one bully who hasn't some shit going on home.

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#89

Post by phpnode »

joelhooks wrote: post #83

One aspect of home educating our four kids is that none of them have ever been bullied.

Right, but unfortunately bullying is a part of life and learning how to deal with it is an important life skill. How will you teach your children to deal with this kind of aggressive confrontation? School isn't just about academic education, it's about social education, I'm genuinely curious how you can achieve this in a home school setting

Re: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

#90

Post by arethuza »

phpnode wrote: post #89
joelhooks wrote: post #83

One aspect of home educating our four kids is that none of them have ever been bullied.

Right, but unfortunately bullying is a part of life and learning how to deal with it is an important life skill. How will you teach your children to deal with this kind of aggressive confrontation? School isn't just about academic education, it's about social education, I'm genuinely curious how you can achieve this in a home school setting

Although both my wife and I went to state schools we sent our son to a private school and it is pretty clear to me that the biggest advantage is the social education - which is probably why there is such an emphasis on team sports (particularly rugby).

Even though it is a very well run school there is bullying - there is always bullying of some kind in just about every environment (especially workplaces). As far as I am concerned the only way to deal with it is to recognize that the problem is endemic and teach everyone how to deal with it - the approach I told my son was "if anyone bullies you, punch them as hard as you can on the end of their nose - I'll back you up 100% if this causes a problem".

Post reply on HN