Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

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Unfortunately a lot of the time, a child who's victimising another child will be projecting emotions that they're feeling, due to abuse / difficulties they're experiencing themselves.

To think that the problem can be hugged out is crazy - it's not going to happen.

I think the first most useful thing to do is to teach the child to fight back. Often a change of attitude - being able to have the confidence to say 'no' and to stand up against adversity, is enough to change the tack the abuser's behaviour. Violence isn't necessary - and I don't think it should ever be encouraged .. but taking a stand is an entirely valid response.

But secondly the root causes of the abuser's behaviour do need to be looked at - and a simple response isn't going to solve these problems. It would be nice if the simple idea of 'punishment' could resolve the behaviour - because it would require minimal effort - but realistically it wont.

Reforming bad behaviour involves understanding what the person involved needs - sometimes that will be love and understanding. All children have complex emotional and psychological needs; if these needs are neglected, something has to give .. and usually does.

The best way to overcome a childhood bully is to get in an old fashioned schoolyard fistfight with them. It doesn't matter if you loose, just don't loose badly. Fight them until your face is bloodied and your nose is broken, until your knuckles hurt, and you can barely move. Cheat, use blunt objects (no biting or weirdness), sucker punch, tackle, throw dirt in their eyes, whatever. No sharp weapons or anything that'll do permanent damage. You aren't fighting for honor here, this isn't feudal Japan. You're fighting for street credit.

If you're winning, stop when he stops. Make the exchange free of emotion and a cold business negotiation.

If he tries to fight you with a bunch of buddies, do whatever you can to move it in front of a neutral crowd.

9 times out of 10, they won't even show for the fight. When they do, put on a good show.

If you make it so troublesome to be a target, no matter how weird you are, they'll leave you alone. You have to make it a bad equation for them to pick on you. They pick on you because something is bad in their lives and they have to pick on somebody and by not fighting back you make it easy for them to use you as the outlet for their problems. Make it not easy, introduce friction into that equation.

If you do fight, 9 times out of 10, you'll end up being their friend and most of the time you'll find out that the bullies really have shitty life stories and need a friend.

Treat the bully like an angry dog, don't turn your back, don't run. Slow movements. He's not bullying you out of a rational decision, he's doing it out of instinct. He's a dumb and dangerous animal you should treat that way.

In my experience one fight is generally enough.