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The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

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Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#41

Post by citizenkeen »

MaxBarraclough wrote: post #16
thorell wrote: post #14

I think a lot of parents don't know how to effectively parent and make up for that with enthusiasm. Too much involvement, not enough parenting. I am guilty of this.

Which leads to the question of how one teaches general parenting skill.

My wife is a pediatric occupational therapist. My dad's always saying "There's no book on parenting."

My response if always "Screw you, yes there is. But you went to business school." You can pay someone to fix your injuries, or broken pipes, but you can't pay someone to raise your kids.

When my son was born, I went into it with the knowledge of three highly rated books on Amazon I had picked at random.

My wife went into it with years of experience dealing with difficult kids. She worked at a feeding clinic at a research institute, helping parents figure out how to get their kids to eat their vegetables.

I'm so grateful. My 2 year old helps fold laundry, says please and thank you, and knows to put away his toys before bath time.

I don't know what I'd do if I hadn't married this woman. I don't know where I would have gotten the skills I have now.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#42

Post by dfee »

vonzeppelin wrote: post #25
ajross wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

FWIW: A "look at those crazy americans!" color story by a foreign journalist may, y'know, not be the most authoritative source for this kind of thing. Obviously those products exist (and probably do in Germany too) and I'm sure that parent who got in trouble was a real incident. Nonetheless those of us actually raising children in this country don't actually do that stuff. Chill.

> Nonetheless those of us actually raising children in this country don't actually do that stuff. Chill. Except the ones that are?

I mean there are also serial killers. That might not adequately describe the population at large.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#43

Post by squozzer »

I offer the following hypothesis - competition for entry into "the best" colleges, competition for "free money" through scholarships, and competition for "good jobs" after college has driven parents to micromanage their children's school "career."

The margins for "error" - i.e. achieving suboptimal grades and cultivating interests outside of "school stuff" - have shrunk since I was a kid.

This is, of course, in addition to the need for parents to acquire bragging rights about their children.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#44

Post by ergothus »

fosco wrote: post #32
burfog wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is a slightly different way to interpret that. Some students, despite being in your classroom, are really being homeschooled. For example, my wife and I both got extra assignments from our parents. The parents aren't just helping. The parents are teaching. You aren't trusted to teach. Other students have parents that trust you to teach. Your job is to teach, and these parents expect you to do it. In theory, the…

I find this perspective interesting and I think this discussion needs to be taken further as I think it is unclear on both sides what the final expectations are to be upon completion of class/grade. that being said, I am concerned that some parents expect that teachers are also doing the 'parenting' side of things which may be unrealistic. I think that in most public schools (the one I went to) some parenting needs t…

The "teachers shouldn't parent; parents stopped parenting" lesson is one I've heard from more than a few.

What if teachers ALWAYS "parented", and as societies grow more tolerant and diverse this obviously doesn't scale (parents disagree with teachers on what should be taught). Thus we decide on this image of teachers giving knowledge and means of learning, while parents give morals and social structures. But has this image every existed in practice? How do we know it is even achievable?

A child is learning from EVERYTHING. Is it truly reasonable to expect that teachers aren't "parenting"? Even if they expressly attempt to focus on intellectual pursuits only, that is just showing a different set of parenting lessons (potentially about lack of accountability, or the division of social mores from everything else). Likewise, if the teachers have turned to this absent form of parenting, are we correct in assuming that other parents aren't doing their "jobs"? (After all, it's never MY kid that isn't getting parenting, it's everyone else's).

I don't have solutions or suggestions, but I want to raise the idea that maybe it's not "who" is or is not parenting, because everyone is, all the time, even if trying NOT to "parent". If so, then simply trying harder to ensuring parenting only happens from parents, and DOES happen from them, is doomed to failure, incompatible with the operating of developing minds?

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#45

Post by nugget »

citizenkeen wrote: post #41
MaxBarraclough wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Which leads to the question of how one teaches general parenting skill.

My wife is a pediatric occupational therapist. My dad's always saying "There's no book on parenting." My response if always "Screw you, yes there is. But you went to business school." You can pay someone to fix your injuries, or broken pipes, but you can't pay someone to raise your kids. When my son was born, I went into it with the knowledge of three highly rated books on Amazon I had picked at random. My wife went…

So what would you recommend for potential parents who don't have the years of hands-on experience that your wife had?

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#46

Post by privacypoller »

burfog wrote: post #24
christofosho wrote: post #11

As a teacher of ages 4 up until 14, I think parents and people in general need to be concious toward what constitutes "over" parenting. Too often we as teachers see students that are behaving poorly, or having more trouble in school, because they do not have enough help or consistency at home. Parents reading articles like this might take them too literally and step too far from their child's life. Parenting should b…

There is a slightly different way to interpret that. Some students, despite being in your classroom, are really being homeschooled. For example, my wife and I both got extra assignments from our parents. The parents aren't just helping. The parents are teaching. You aren't trusted to teach. Other students have parents that trust you to teach. Your job is to teach, and these parents expect you to do it. In theory, the…

Not sure what jurisdiction you're in, but I'm in Canada where we generally have good teachers. The problem we're experiencing is a curriculum that we feel is becoming easier over time and shifting away from core fundamentals. Teachers are powerless to oppose or address this, regardless of how they personally feel or want to teach.

Should my 10-yr-old learn coping strategies for anxiety? absolutely, but she should also be learning some Canadian and World geography, be able to multiply numbers beyond 8x8, practice word and logic problems and understand that computers are not just cell phones and ipad applications. If we relied solely on the public education system it would be questionable if any of these were covered.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#47

Post by seattle_spring »

aiyodev wrote: post #35
guard0g wrote: post #20

What kind of parent does their kid's homework?! Here's an idea. Why not have "how to be a parent" classes taught in high school or college?

Parents who understand what “tracking” is. If you aren’t, you’re setting your child up for failure.

What is "tracking" in this case?

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#48

Post by Steltek »

tehabe wrote: post #28
ajross wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

FWIW: A "look at those crazy americans!" color story by a foreign journalist may, y'know, not be the most authoritative source for this kind of thing. Obviously those products exist (and probably do in Germany too) and I'm sure that parent who got in trouble was a real incident. Nonetheless those of us actually raising children in this country don't actually do that stuff. Chill.

Of course it is colourful, but the reporter was a parent too and neighbours wondered why they let their children play unsupervised outside. In Germany a court just ruled that a three year old can go alone to the bath room and their parents don't have to check on them. The child set the bath room under water and someone wanted the parents to be liable. Also some years ago, I saw a video from a school parking lot, wher…

> In Germany a court just ruled that a three year old can go alone to the bath room and their parents don't have to check on them. The child set the bath room under water and someone wanted the parents to be liable.

Seems like the alternative is to declare the 3yo liable for the damage, which is absurd. Water like that can cause a lot of damage; it's not like they tipped over a glass on the table.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#49

Post by analog31 »

guard0g wrote: post #20

What kind of parent does their kid's homework?! Here's an idea. Why not have "how to be a parent" classes taught in high school or college?

>>> What kind of parent does their kid's homework?!

I did, in a particularly subtle way, until I realized it and stopped. I never physically performed the homework task, but I prodded my kids to get it done. As it turns out, the homework was so easy, that literally the only challenge was motivation. By supplying them with the motivation, I was effectively doing the work.

Nowadays, if asked for help, I go into teacher mode, and start asking them questions or providing a gentle nudge towards figuring out something themselves. They know that asking me for help will generally make their task harder, rather than easier. ;-)

>>> Here's an idea. Why not have "how to be a parent" classes taught in high school or college?

Because we don't know what it consists of.

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