Best Places to network my way into the software industry?

What is the best way to network my way into a software job? On paper I think I look like a terrible candidate, even though I’m actively building up my software portfolio. I’ve read that portfolio projects alone won’t get me a job when applying through traditional means, and that it’s better to network. So where do I go to network? Any and every tech meet up or hack a thon that I can? Would it be productive to strike up conversation with people at coworking spaces, or would they see me as a distraction/nuisance? Even though I’ve been staying sober until I get a tech job, should I go out drinking with tech people? I’m moving to a new city, and will need to find a (any) job to support myself until I find a software job. Should I apply to startup customer support or sales jobs, and hope that once I have that job I can slide sideways into a coding position?

Optional background info: Started programming at age 12, studied Computer Engineering. Had a full stack developer position 25 hours per week my last two years of college under a toxic/micromanaging boss. Burned out, graduated and moved to a resort town for 4 years of working in hospitality. Now I’m ready to get back into the software world, and am building out a number of projects that have been floating around in my head and applying to jobs. On paper I have a 4 year gap in my resume which I think is killing my chances so far. Any help is much appreciated.

I have three pieces of advice.

1.) Keep the story about burning out under a toxic/micromanaging boss to yourself. I cannot stress this enough. Interviewing clients is about 50% selecting the best candidate and 50% covering your own ass. Even if your side is 100% true, it still raises too many red flags to even consider taking a chance on you.

2.) Do you have any side projects that are (even tangentially) related to the hospitality work you've been doing? If not, can you start one?

3.) Don't hide from your hospitality work. Instead, over the last four years on resort, you've likely picked up some great stories and learned some things you never would have learned had you gone right into a coding gig. Hell, I think that most good managers would see that hospitality background as a pretty good point in your favour.

As for networking, in theory yes, networking at events works. In practice, it's very slow, time consuming and frustrating. Cold emails to CEO/CTO types at startups you genuinely like is a better way, particularly if you'll be in {{tech hub}} on {{dates}} and would like to buy her a coffee.

1) Understood, and will do. How do you suggest I frame the 4 year gap in tech work though? "I decided that after 17 years of school, I wanted to take some time off to ski. That year off turned into 4 but now I'm back" ?

2) Right now I'm just building some small things that are useful utilities for my personal life, but after those I plan on doing some more advanced stuff with computer vision. I could probably create something that ties face recognition into a hotel valet system....

3) Maybe its just the pessimist in me, but I am afraid that managers think I'm just trying to escape the hospitality industry, rather than looking to make my mark in the tech industry. I do agree that it's been very useful though, I can get along well with anyone now. This kind of segues into why I'm asking about networking: I feel like on paper I'm not that impressive but if I can get to know someone in a hiring position at a software company they'll see how much of an asset I could be.

Now that I think about it, I can see how going to events might not have the effectiveness I'm looking for. Once I've built up my portfolio some more and am feeling more confident in my interviewing skills, I'll start sending emails out like you suggest. This impostor syndrome really holds me back some times I feel like.

Thank you for the response! Any further help is appreciated, particularly with how to frame my 4 year hiatus from tech.