If anybody is interested in this, then it's worth looking at the RIE approach for babies and toddlers (Janet Lansbury's blog is a good place to start http://www.janetlansbury.com/). A large part of it is about allow babies and toddlers to choose what they pay attention to. Anecdotally, I very loosely followed it with our two and they have amazing attention spans compared with most kids their age - certainly both their teachers have commented on it. It's also much more relaxing as a parent I found, letting your children be in charge of what they want to pay attention to most of the time.
How to get kids to pay attention
241–250 of 283 posts
Re: How to get kids to pay attention
#242Earlier quoted context omitted.
An indirect way of encouraging this is including kids in what you are doing, as opposed to engineering activities for them. A lot of kids' world these days is an artificial reality, made for them. School, soccer, art class, play dates. The reason the activity exists is to give kids an experience. We're not interested in it, because it's kid stuff. When I was a kid, some of the most formative activities were fishing,…
1. Go to Home Depot or similar. 2. Buy a small hammer, a box of brad nails, and raid the wood cutoff container. Total cost $20. 3. Give these things to your kid. 4. ??? 5. Profit
Until about age 6 I didn't understand about nails. I thought I was being helpful with just the hammering.
Then I went through an uncanny valley period where I was too young and uncoordinated to use nails, but too smart to be kept busy with pointless hammering.
Re: How to get kids to pay attention
#243I often wonder whether this has a lot to do with how we treat our kids. I often catch myself acting uninterested in my daughter's interests (she's two and often wants to show me things for the 50th time that were pretty boring in the first place.) She doesn't have any attention or behavioral issues in general, but I was amazed when a friend of mine came to visit who is an early music educator. They didn't do anything…
An indirect way of encouraging this is including kids in what you are doing, as opposed to engineering activities for them. A lot of kids' world these days is an artificial reality, made for them. School, soccer, art class, play dates. The reason the activity exists is to give kids an experience. We're not interested in it, because it's kid stuff. When I was a kid, some of the most formative activities were fishing,…
> When I was very small (2-4), if my parents were painting a room, I was also in old clothes with a paintbrush "helping". Same with spring cleaning or whatnot.
One of my favourite childhood photos is me mowing the lawn (with a plastic "bubble spewing" lawnmower). A thing I used to walk behind my father as he mowed the lawn.
It never really had the soap to make bubbles in it. Didn't care about that. I was helping
Re: How to get kids to pay attention
#244Earlier quoted context omitted.
1. Go to Home Depot or similar. 2. Buy a small hammer, a box of brad nails, and raid the wood cutoff container. Total cost $20. 3. Give these things to your kid. 4. ??? 5. Profit
Until about age 6 I didn't understand about nails. I thought I was being helpful with just the hammering. Then I went through an uncanny valley period where I was too young and uncoordinated to use nails, but too smart to be kept busy with pointless hammering.
A couple bruised thumbs usually sorts out the coordination rather quickly. That's how I learned.
Re: How to get kids to pay attention
#245I often wonder whether this has a lot to do with how we treat our kids. I often catch myself acting uninterested in my daughter's interests (she's two and often wants to show me things for the 50th time that were pretty boring in the first place.) She doesn't have any attention or behavioral issues in general, but I was amazed when a friend of mine came to visit who is an early music educator. They didn't do anything…
An indirect way of encouraging this is including kids in what you are doing, as opposed to engineering activities for them. A lot of kids' world these days is an artificial reality, made for them. School, soccer, art class, play dates. The reason the activity exists is to give kids an experience. We're not interested in it, because it's kid stuff. When I was a kid, some of the most formative activities were fishing,…
We just drove through Wyoming and we had this crazy spontaneous experience where we came over a rise on a rural road smack dab into a cattle drive. The family driving the cattle included several young kids riding ATVs and horses and I pointed out that a little girl younger than my 8 year old son was riding a horse and twirling a rope to help move the cattle. Lo and behold there was also a couple of kids my daughters age (12) out there, one on an ATV and one on horseback. It was definitely an eye-opening experience for my kids to see how other kids are living and what they are doing.
I grew up in my dad's welding shop where he repaired heavy equipment like tractors and bucket loaders, worked on cars (and pretty much everything else). Everything was sharp and dangerous in there. I pretty much had the run of the place.
Re: How to get kids to pay attention
#246Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's incredible that we still have to discuss this in 2018.
Not really. Thousands (tends/hundreds of thousands?) of years of human society isn't going to just evaporate from a couple studies, even if they're incontrovertible.
Do you understand the post hoc fallacy?
Re: How to get kids to pay attention
#247It's very hard to compare a hunter gatherer / traditional village society to the modern urban & educated society and have meaningful takeaways. The crux of the matter is the requirement for responsibility. Rather than have this goofy teenagehood that runs from 13-25, forcing the matter of responsibility at an earlier age and accepting the failures is a critical difference. Protecting children and ensuring they are no…
> Same goes for chores: children should be doing a full set of chores in household rota as soon as they are physically able. Vacuuming, dishes, pet litter, etc. It is insane that some parents I know would like to reply to this part of your answer like this: "Kids should be kids you shouldn't force them to be adults too soon or you might steal their childhood". I've literally heard that.
Adulting is not evil; it is a consequence of discharging your responsibility and functioning as a human being. Kids will be kids, that has nothing to do with responsibility. I could ask my child to go to work - he'll be completely inept at it. He would be, truly and genuinely, childish.
I view my kid as a roommate - one I have responsibility for. As they become capable, they obtain agency and will be asked to deliver on that agency, within the limits of their capacity. Sometime around 16, I will expect them to execute the full tasks of an adult, barring rent. In turn, I will operate as a counselor and guide at that point, giving them a cushion when their attempts fail; the cushion will be mostly removed when are 18.
Childhood in the WEIRD view is a recent innovation, dreamt up by the middle & upper middle class in the 1800s, much like teenagers in the 1900s.
These ideas of what constitutes normative behavior for specific ages are contingent on our cultural matrix and are not hardcoded.
Re: How to get kids to pay attention
#248It's very hard to compare a hunter gatherer / traditional village society to the modern urban & educated society and have meaningful takeaways. The crux of the matter is the requirement for responsibility. Rather than have this goofy teenagehood that runs from 13-25, forcing the matter of responsibility at an earlier age and accepting the failures is a critical difference. Protecting children and ensuring they are no…
What about corporate policies that refuse to do business with minors ? You can’t even use Uber as a 16 year old.
I consider that spectacularly dumb, but it's a second order problem caused by the lack of legal recognizance of contacts signed by minors.
Re: How to get kids to pay attention
#249Earlier quoted context omitted.
I have an 8 year old son, and I think I do a pretty good job of being stern / enforcing rules while also ensuring him that he is liked and loved.. There is definitely a balance in there, "not being his friend" I think is too far to one side... I just don't let being his friend prevent me from holding him to a certain expectation.
To me, a friend is an equal, and someone you can count on. My sons are not my equals, and I'm not their friend. This doesn't mean I don't show love or affection, just that I don't expect the same kind of support from them as I do my friends. I also don't order my friends around from time to time ;-) However I hope in the future we be friends, when I don't need to wipe their ass or provide food and shelter.
This is a good sentiment to have. My dad was my dad until I left home for university - he loved us and provided for us but also was the authority and disciplinarian when necessary. Now that I've got my independence and my own household, my relationship with my dad is far more like one of friendship, alongside my trust in him as a mentor or life advisor, if I feel like I need that kind of advice. I feel like it's been integral for my development as a person and value our relationship immensely.
Re: How to get kids to pay attention
#250Earlier quoted context omitted.
Downvoters: can you be more specific? Usually it's obvious on a reread when I've failed to contribute to the conversation and I'll take the downvotes gladly, but this one has me stumped. Do you just not agree with my opinions, or have I come off as too sanctimonious?
Does it really matter ? (I didn't downvote, but votes don't matter).
No, the votes don't matter. Ironically, in fact, I think I got pity upvotes for the plea, which are not really helpful. What does matter is that I'm expressing myself effectively and the votes usually operate as feedback to that effect.
I'm still curious about the motivations of those downvoters.
Also, I apologize for the meta discussion in this already off-topic thread.