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How to get kids to pay attention

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Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#181

Post by c22 »

geomark wrote: post #178
s4vi0r wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't spank your kids. It has no benefit, and many negative effects.

Indeed. I was spanked as a child (I was very stubborn and looking back it's clear that nothing else really worked with me). As a result, I suffer from a condition known as respect for others. It's a terrible affliction to have in this day and age.

Strange, I was also spanked as a child and somehow I still ended up with several flaws. I feel like the experience retarded the age at which I was able to achieve self actualization by many years and seriously impacted my ability to have a healthy adult relationship with my father who has himself changed and grown tremendously as an individual since the years he spanked me as a child.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#182

Post by jaggederest »

imesh wrote: post #165
ryan-allen wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or Fortnite, or Minecraft. I'm not sure how to solve for this, but I'm trying to instill that conversations and interactions have to be two way, so just because "you are interested in X" doesn't mean that talking at someone over and over about things they are not interested in isn't a way to foster satisfying interactions for all parties involved. A parent might placate and be always "oh that's so interesting!", but…

I don't think it's something you have to solve, it will happen naturally. All kids do this and most tend to stop by adulthood.

It's also usually not the thing itself that they are valuing.

It's the interaction. She wants you to read the same book to her because she knows that you do the voices and act it out and she gets to interact. That's the point. If you ask them, they'll tell you what they value. You don't have to think your way around them, they know, even by the time they're 3 or so. People have desires, and they can tell you what they are, with some help and elicitation.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#183

Post by itronitron »

technofiend wrote: post #90
tomohawk wrote: post #43

This is pretty much how I was raised in a small midwestern farming community. I was in charge of the laundry by the time I was 6, and the lawn when I was 8 or 9, and summers were pretty much filled with activities that my friends and I could organize. Moving to the burbs where play was organized sports and kids had everything done for them was a really big shock. It was hard to believe how inept at life most of my pe…

This is meant as parody of course but your comment reminded me of South Park's portrayal of that method: https://youtu.be/MBEfHZITrgo As someone who grew up with zero structure and seeing my wife who came from a very strict background I hope if we ever do have kids we'll land in the middle somewhere.

A lot of that will depend on the circumstances of the birth of your children and how close they come to dying within their first 6 months.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#185

Post by itronitron »

TeMPOraL wrote: post #129
mhb wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is this really so hard to figure out? Very few people would do things which are useful to keep civilization running if they have a choice. Look at what people do with their leisure time - watch commercial TV, play video games, look at nonsense on Facebook. It wouldn't be pretty.

> watch commercial TV, play video games, look at nonsense on Facebook. It wouldn't be pretty Because that's all most people can do after 8-10 hours (+ commute) of soul-draining work, and then some household chores. Let's not assume that this is the default of human leisure just because it's all people have energy for after hard day of work.

Absolutely, and there is also a perceived risk by many people that if they become to active or vested in a non-work activity that it will negatively impact their source of income.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#186

Post by st26 »

eeeuo wrote: post #56
colecut wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Out of curiosity, what were your feelings like towards your dad at this time? Was there a lot of fear around him? Did you "like" him?

As someone who grew up in a working class environment in which mostly everyone had "flawed"(lol) fathers, I've found that there's a big distinction in the structure of the discipline. The parents for whom crossing a line resulted in verbal/physical abuse but were otherwise fine tend to have good relationships with their kids. While the punishment is much more severe than it would be in other families, there's a clear…

My dad hit us sometimes when we were being dumb, but otherwise he was great

People possibly react strangely to that for a few additional reasons?

- Culturally now, "hit" can refer to anything all the way up to criminal domestic violence, blunt weapons, and hospital visits.

- Kids routinely cover for their parents, even when they are the second kind- the kind that just lose their temper, beat their children unconscious, etc.

Less vague terms like "spanked", "slapped", etc might cause milder reactions...

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#187

Post by SerLava »

projectramo wrote: post #6

I guess my follow up is: which is better? Is it better not to pay attention to tasks and imagine other stuff or is it better to focus on the task no matter how trivial? In other words, should the Maya kids be learning from the Americans?

That highlights an interesting aspect of American culture.

Whenever America is different from the rest of the world, most americans' default position is to assume it is worse.

The only exceptions are behaviors with some kind of cultural identity behind them.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#188

Post by [deleted] »

geomark wrote: post #178
s4vi0r wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't spank your kids. It has no benefit, and many negative effects.

Indeed. I was spanked as a child (I was very stubborn and looking back it's clear that nothing else really worked with me). As a result, I suffer from a condition known as respect for others. It's a terrible affliction to have in this day and age.

[deleted]

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#189

Post by phnofive »

2muchcoffeeman wrote: post #180
jinfiesto wrote: post #143

I often wonder whether this has a lot to do with how we treat our kids. I often catch myself acting uninterested in my daughter's interests (she's two and often wants to show me things for the 50th time that were pretty boring in the first place.) She doesn't have any attention or behavioral issues in general, but I was amazed when a friend of mine came to visit who is an early music educator. They didn't do anything…

It surprises me how much this sort of behaviour towards children still goes on. I remember being a kid and how people would be disinterested in you beyond anything superficial. I often wonder how much of this effected my later behaviour.

Speaking personally, it taught me a combination of self awareness (no one is as interested as you are in the thing you are or for the same reasons; don’t spend so much effort trying to change their minds you lose your own passion) and empathy (trying to get interested in the things others are may grow something between you).

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#190

Post by [deleted] »

unit91 wrote: post #109

I have 6 kids, and I've found it's pretty simple to get kids to pay attention (or anything else). Be consistent, and willing to discipline if necessary. Here's the order I follow: 1. Polite request 2. Polite command 3. Stern command 4. Warning 5. Push-ups 6. Spanking They know I love them and because of that love obedience is required. Situations rarely escalate past step 2, and step 6 is memorable. ETA: for anything…

[deleted]
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