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Career Post-Mortem, or: How flashing teenager girls can ruin your life

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21–30 of 42 posts

Re: Career Post-Mortem, or: How flashing teenager girls can ruin your life

#21

I can tell that logically you understand what you did was wrong, but all the subtext in your writing points to you desperately trying to blame something else (society, drinking, the victims being underage) when the blame really falls squarely on you. Even though you say that you know did wrong, you don't actually sound sorry, and it's very obvious. I would believe, having read that, that you think that you're a victi…

This! It is incredible that no one else so far has commented on this. I read the post and it seems that there is no accountability. What of your victims? The emotional toll of being sexually harassed can follow someone for the rest of their lives.

The thought of that was on my mind for a very long time. But the fact that I have no money coming in and no money planned is starting to take over all my thoughts. I'm in a giant panic and this blog post was written from that perspective.

Re: Career Post-Mortem, or: How flashing teenager girls can ruin your life

#22
post #3

Can you change your legal name?

In terms of solving harassment issues, it wouldn't help. My address and new name will still pop up on the registry. In terms of getting a job, yes, I could get a name change, but I feel like that would be unethical. If a company wouldn't want to hire me knowing my past, then hiding it from them so they would hire me seems really wrong.

one does what one must. it's wrong-headed for companies to not hire based on an offense that is immaterial to them.

Re: Career Post-Mortem, or: How flashing teenager girls can ruin your life

#23
The linked article is already taken down, but from the perspective of a woman, I will add a few thoughts. I attended a rural university that also shared a town with a state penitentiary. Periodically over my years there, the university would put notes in student mailboxes informing us "The state prison was releasing on parole convict X on [insert date]. X was tried and found guilty of 3 counts rape. X stalks women and was armed during each of the events for which he was convicted. Psychologist have stated that X has near 100% likelihood of reoffending. If you are female do not walk alone. At night, do not walk without campus security or in small groups." The times we got a note like this, some weeks or a few months would pass, X would reoffend, raping some woman who normally did not have the benefit of campus security escorts, and we would get another note in the mailbox telling us that the security recommendation was no longer in effect. The town police were hard men.

Last year in college, a neighbor came to my door freaked out because somebody was peeping on her. Called the local police.

Police officers came to our door told us that peeping toms and flashers had statistical likelihood of escalating their behavior to more and more extreme acts including rape. They already knew the guy based on the neighbor's description. Also said not to fuck around if we saw him again. Any indication of a fixation was a really bad sign.

So should submitter be subject to legal scrutiny, monitoring, and restraint on behavior after that single event? Absolutely. Bad behavior for some, begets worse behavior later. Should submitter be subject to scrutiny, monitoring, and restraint decades after a single offense? Probably not.

We have sexual predator laws for a damn good reason: some people are guaranteed to violently reoffend unless prevented from doing so. Use of those same laws to ensnare teenagers who sext, Romeo & Juliet lovers, and the legitimate one-time offenders, is outside the original law's intent. The issue for the last category of offender is having a legal path to redemption. This piece seems to be missing. Arguable that for a lot of ex-convicts, a path to redemption and unrestrained participation in society is missing.

Re: Career Post-Mortem, or: How flashing teenager girls can ruin your life

#24

The linked article is already taken down, but from the perspective of a woman, I will add a few thoughts. I attended a rural university that also shared a town with a state penitentiary. Periodically over my years there, the university would put notes in student mailboxes informing us "The state prison was releasing on parole convict X on [insert date]. X was tried and found guilty of 3 counts rape. X stalks women an…

https://github.com/sdegutis/sdegutis.com/blob/a038c810e43de9...

Next post: A Git rebase/force push tutorial.

Re: Career Post-Mortem, or: How flashing teenager girls can ruin your life

#25

The linked article is already taken down, but from the perspective of a woman, I will add a few thoughts. I attended a rural university that also shared a town with a state penitentiary. Periodically over my years there, the university would put notes in student mailboxes informing us "The state prison was releasing on parole convict X on [insert date]. X was tried and found guilty of 3 counts rape. X stalks women an…

https://github.com/sdegutis/sdegutis.com/blob/a038c810e43de9... Next post: A Git rebase/force push tutorial.

Oh, I forgot my repo is public :)

Re: Career Post-Mortem, or: How flashing teenager girls can ruin your life

#26
post #13

> All the software jobs that I had were opportunities given to me out of compassion and charity. But I wasn't qualified for them. I've always had attention span difficulties. Each of my open source projects were done out of excitement. I had an idea of how to automate something, and I just went for it, and could focus on it for weeks at a time. What do you mean that you weren't "qualified"? For all of your legal issu…

I'm able to pass interviews very well, but when it comes down to doing senior level programming stuff, I really suck at it. I tried rewriting old.editfight.com the other week in React + Express + TypeScript and it took me 3 days just to get the basic boilerplate working. But I can tell an interviewer what big-O notation means and can write a working fizzbuzz using functional programming techniques in ESNext. Even if…

It takes everybody several days to get the boilerplate working. The people who do it in an hour are using some cookie-cutter like yeoman and have a bunch of tooling/config in their project they don't understand.

Re: Career Post-Mortem, or: How flashing teenager girls can ruin your life

#27

The linked article is already taken down, but from the perspective of a woman, I will add a few thoughts. I attended a rural university that also shared a town with a state penitentiary. Periodically over my years there, the university would put notes in student mailboxes informing us "The state prison was releasing on parole convict X on [insert date]. X was tried and found guilty of 3 counts rape. X stalks women an…

> So should submitter be subject to legal scrutiny, monitoring, and restraint on behavior after that single event?

Having caught the post while it was still up, a second, identical incident happened four years after the initial occurrence.

Re: Career Post-Mortem, or: How flashing teenager girls can ruin your life

#28

The linked article is already taken down, but from the perspective of a woman, I will add a few thoughts. I attended a rural university that also shared a town with a state penitentiary. Periodically over my years there, the university would put notes in student mailboxes informing us "The state prison was releasing on parole convict X on [insert date]. X was tried and found guilty of 3 counts rape. X stalks women an…

I took it down because I just applied for another job, probably the last one I'll try. And I linked to my portfolio/blog site, but didn't want that to be the way they found out. Either way, I realize it's probably better for me to either remove this HN post, or to put the blog post back up, to avoid having discussion with too little context. So I pushed it and it should be back up now.

Re: Career Post-Mortem, or: How flashing teenager girls can ruin your life

#29
post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That seems very unethical, doesn't it? Hiding information that would make a client definitely not choose you, so that they would choose you?

No, I don't think it is unethical. You'll disclose your identity one on one.

Or do business using the wife's last name, for instance, so a Google search doesn't sink you. I think OP's making a mistake by trying to go into consulting with a hopelessly tarnished "brand."

Re: Career Post-Mortem, or: How flashing teenager girls can ruin your life

#30
post #27

The linked article is already taken down, but from the perspective of a woman, I will add a few thoughts. I attended a rural university that also shared a town with a state penitentiary. Periodically over my years there, the university would put notes in student mailboxes informing us "The state prison was releasing on parole convict X on [insert date]. X was tried and found guilty of 3 counts rape. X stalks women an…

> So should submitter be subject to legal scrutiny, monitoring, and restraint on behavior after that single event? Having caught the post while it was still up, a second, identical incident happened four years after the initial occurrence.

Yep. I wasn't very cooperative with treatment after the first incident. I was very defensive. I felt that I needed to protect myself from the unfair world. That mindset prevented me from healing as a person and receiving proper treatment.

It's interesting to look at both of my HN accounts. I can actually see my gradual mental deterioration and then gradual recovery.

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