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The Last of the Tiger Parents

nytimes.com

31–40 of 88 posts

Re: The Last of the Tiger Parents

#31
The author has the privilege to not have to raise his child the way he was, because he is very successful and rich. Once you have economic wealth, you reach higher and higher on the Maslov's Hierarchy of Needs. He and his children have the privilege and luxury of pursuing the top echelon, which is self-fulfillment. He doesn't have to force education down his children's throats because they will inherit his and his wife's wealth. His children can graduate from a city college and still be millionaires from their inheritance.

His parents didn't have that luxury, and most of us do not either. So it might not have been pretty, but it did exactly the job that his parents wanted to do. This is how families pull themselves out of the cycle of poverty, through unapologetic adherence to top education and work ethic.

Re: The Last of the Tiger Parents

#33
post #11

Coercion is irrelevant. The differentiator is valuing education and viewing it as the sole way for social mobility. Once a child internalizes this world view as fair and implacable, she will chose to do well in school, just as easily as she will breathe. The endlessly adaptable blank mind of the young Homo Sapiens will have latched on to the rules of the tribe in which they have been born, and remain set for life.

It's not quite that simple. I have three kids who were all raised with the same emphasis on the importance of education. They all have different levels of motivation at school, different interests, different passions. Most of the people I know with more than one kid say the same thing. Same with my brother and me. We were both raised by the same parents, in the same house, yet he was much more motivated to go farther…

Yes, indeed. As one of my friends puts it: "I have four children. Three grown, and one that got older."

Re: The Last of the Tiger Parents

#34

From my experience, Tiger Parenting is a very effective way of propelling people through standardized testing and competitive exams/admissions. I think it tends to stop working once there is not a clearly delineated pathway to achievement - for example in independent research. It's absurd to think that no-one who came up with a Tiger Parent philosophy won't be a good researcher or independently creative, but there do…

of course it stops working at some point because the next level of achievement is simply a higher bar that weeds out more people.

Re: The Last of the Tiger Parents

#35
> When I became a parent, I felt the wonder and uncertainty that accompany the awesome responsibility of fatherhood. But I was absolutely sure of one thing: The childhood I devise for my two young daughters will look nothing like mine. They will feel valued and supported. They will know home as a place of joy and fun. They will never wonder whether their father’s love is conditioned on an unblemished report card.

I wonder if that does your kids or anyone else a favor. As someone in position similar to the author, I've chosen to Tiger parent my kids. As my Asian immigrant parents understood: money is really important. It matters so much that financial stress is a leading cause of divorce and people die because they don't have the money for proper healthcare. I don't want my kids to suffer for lack of money. Nor do I want them to feel like they can have their cake and eat it too because they can depend on their parents' money.

There's also a question of whether it helps anyone else. Our world is facing immense challenges. Many of the things cans we've been kicking down the road for these past decades are going to pile up on the generation to come. Their generation needs people slaving away in labs or in front of computers. That need might be existential. Your kids shouldn't get a pass on that just because they are privileged and their parents were well-off enough that they could be comfortable without necessarily striving.

Re: The Last of the Tiger Parents

#36
post #2

This is something I sometimes think about. My parents were pretty strict and emphasized education but were not "tiger parent" strict. I did pretty well in school but not "straight-A valedictorian" well. I'm out of college now with a job at the big 5 but I wonder where I would be had I studied harder in school and gotten into a better college. And would I be "happier"?

Happiness is an absurd goal anyhow, because it's unsustainable. Better to shoot for content (comfortable, healthy, engaged in creative/work/etc) than gasping for peaks in mood.

Less wasteful, less disappointment at not being happy all the time.

Re: The Last of the Tiger Parents

#37
post #35

> When I became a parent, I felt the wonder and uncertainty that accompany the awesome responsibility of fatherhood. But I was absolutely sure of one thing: The childhood I devise for my two young daughters will look nothing like mine. They will feel valued and supported. They will know home as a place of joy and fun. They will never wonder whether their father’s love is conditioned on an unblemished report card. I w…

Is it really either/or? Can't parenting utilize both styles?

Re: The Last of the Tiger Parents

#38
post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh yeah sure because NYC is definitely the cheapest city to immigrate to...

Poor immigrants in NYC often share housing with far more people than native born Americans would tolerate. How do you think all those people making below the poverty line afford to live there? They move there because of the existing immigrant communities already in place. 3/4 of Asian Americans in NYC are immigrants.

which part of what you just said makes you feel comfortable arguing against immigrant poverty?

Re: The Last of the Tiger Parents

#39
post #9

Offtopic but do most HN'ers have NYT subscriptions or use extensions to workaround the paywalls? Anyone else wish they could filter out paywalled links from HN?

If it is an interesting enough article to attract a fair amount of comments, which is reasonably common with NYT articles, there will usually be enough information in the comments here to make the thread worthwhile without reading the article.

This is especially true if the article is about a controversial or contentious topic, because then people will often cite other articles in support of or opposition to the points of the article and those are often not behind paywalls.

If it is a current events news article, there will also usually be other sources covering the same events you can turn to if the discussion is such that you really do need to read an article in order to follow along.

If you want to filter them out, you could probably write a simple bookmarklet to do so. Here's something that almost works with HN's current page structure:

  (function () {
    var stories = document.getElementsByClassName('storylink');
    for (var i = 0; i 
You can change the if statement to check for all the sites you want to hide (and to handle links to nytimes.com in addition to www.nytimes.com, and things like that). This doesn't quite hide it. The title line goes away, but the small gray line below with the points and the link to the comments remains, but I think that is fine. It's non-obtrusive and lets you see that something was removed.

If you really want to get rid of that other line, this will do:

  (function () {
    var stories = document.getElementsByClassName('storylink');
    for (var i = 0; i 
That will leave a small vertical space for the hidden items. That's the next row down from the two that are hidden, but

  stories[i].parentNode.parentNode.nextSibling.nextSibling.hidden = 'hidden'
doesn't get rid of it, so if you want it gone too, you'll have to poke around the page yourself and figure out how to reference it.

Here's something you can put in a bookmarklet to un-hide all the hidden stories:

  (function () {
    var stories = document.getElementsByClassName('storylink');
    for (var i = 0; i 
or this if you are using the version to hide both lines:

  (function () {
    var stories = document.getElementsByClassName('storylink');
    for (var i = 0; i 
Disclaimer: I suck at JavaScript. There are probably better ways to do this. I don't know how portable this is (worked on Chrome and Firefox).

To use, create a bookmark and set the URL to "javascript: ". You can paste in the "" part. You don't have to do any encoding or putting it on one line. Both Firefox and Chrome will automatically do that for you.

Re: The Last of the Tiger Parents

#40
post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Poor immigrants in NYC often share housing with far more people than native born Americans would tolerate. How do you think all those people making below the poverty line afford to live there? They move there because of the existing immigrant communities already in place. 3/4 of Asian Americans in NYC are immigrants.

which part of what you just said makes you feel comfortable arguing against immigrant poverty?

You're gonna need to restate that because I'm not really sure what you're trying to say.
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