Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How did you deal with the fact that you were growing old

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

1–10 of 26 posts

Ask HN: How did you deal with the fact that you were growing old

#1

Post by smithmayowa »

Dear middle aged hackernewsers, how did you deal with the fact that you were growing old and leaving your twenties behind, I am asking this cause lately I've been terrified and having panic attacks at the thought that in a few years time(6 years to be exact) I will leave my twenties behind and literally start becoming old, this is even more scary as I remember becoming 20 years old like it happened just last year.

To deal with this issue I have resulted to scorning new music's and movies, for music's and movies which were released 4 to 10 years ago, I am even surprised by the sheer number of movies and music that were made during these period.

Also this month will make it exactly a year that I lost my dad, which further makes the thought of me getting old frightening to me as I'm also kinda scared that getting old will mean I will lose a lot more people close and dear to me.

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with the fact that you were growing old

#3

Post by KozmoNau7 »

(I'm 32)

The first thing I came to terms with is that 30 isn't "old". I'm looking at 40 up ahead, and that isn't "old" either.

My parents both turned 60 recently, and even though they're greying slightly, I honestly don't consider them to be "old". My dad plays drums in a band, they get booked to play at all kinds of parties locally. He built a practice room in their house, complete with separate mixing booth and recording facilities. When they go play, they lug all the gear themselves and set up a stage and everything.

My mom does realistic movie character doll heads for Barbie-size dolls, sews clothes for them and builds complete dioramas.

My uncle, who's in his mid-60s and just retired earlier this year sails kayaks and has built both a beautiful wooden kayak as a birthday present for my aunt, and he's making another for himself. He's also still active in the regional dog training club, for over 30 years now.

You get older, but you only get old if you give up and stop doing things you like, if you get overly conservative and start just complaining about everything, instead of going out and doing things.

Dude, you're 24! Life is just starting! Get out there and enjoy it! :-)

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with the fact that you were growing old

#4

Post by Daemon6 »

The issue of death fear was historically(almost allways) solved by religion. Many people in the last century chose to be de facto atheist, which of course has its advantages but like the former also disadvantages. There is no solution to this phenomenon otside of religion.

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with the fact that you were growing old

#5

Post by chomp »

31 here.

Growing old for me was mostly about accomplishment, "am I doing everything I want/need to do while I'm still young?"

I mostly am succeeding, have a nice stable career and am a father of one. I admit that this success was mostly dumb luck and I didn't have any master plan or list of goals.

You're where I was when I was your age, you might benefit from introspection to see what you want to get done before you hit age milestones, and go and do it!

As for the "everything new is dumb bit," yeah that happens to most people. I encourage you to force yourself to listen to new music and experience current culture. It's very easy to become ossified over time, and you should grow older with an open mind about all things.

By the way, I've found that making memories and experiencing new things with friends and loved ones is the best way to not only slow the passage of time, but also pacify the thoughts of "oh god I'm getting old." Having a pool of memories to attach to your age helps your thoughts go from "I am afraid of getting older" to "I can't wait to see what else I get to do."

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with the fact that you were growing old

#6

Post by KozmoNau7 »

Daemon6 wrote: post #4

The issue of death fear was historically(almost allways) solved by religion. Many people in the last century chose to be de facto atheist, which of course has its advantages but like the former also disadvantages. There is no solution to this phenomenon otside of religion.

Religion is absolutely not the only solution.

It's enough to just realize and come to terms with the fact that life eventually ends, and make sure to have fun while it lasts. Especially when the alternative is religion.

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with the fact that you were growing old

#7

Post by dfraser992 »

If you really are having panic attacks about turning 30 (in 6 years??!!), I would suggest finding a therapist and getting a prescription for Xanax.

Like the other poster says, 60 is not even 'old' if one's attitude is correct. 45 or so, the biology slows down and you really start to feel it, but I've stopped ruminating (mostly) over all the missed opportunities and risks I did not take while younger (aka 40), and now have a laundry list of things to do.

Getting older is also nice in that I can more clearly see how Western civilization is completely full of shit and so I thus get to do what I damn well please (within the constraints of my ethical system, which is not pathological like a lot of the 60,70 year old asshole politicians out there )

The sooner you realize exactly how much the West is truly a bunch of nonsense, the freer a person you will be. be in the world, but not of it. Then you'll stop being scared of death.

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with the fact that you were growing old

#8

Post by gyvastis »

Everyone is getting older, not just you. That's just the course of life. There are beautiful things in life and at the same time scary, unpleasant or even heart-breaking. It's just the balance we need to understand and respect. There's not something we can do about it. We need to appreciate the life to it's fullest with all its flaws and joys. Don't judge yourself or keep a grudge on things you cannot change. It will wear you out and you won't reach any resolution. Of course, it might sound easier said than done. Though you'd be doing yourself a favor spending more time with people you love and cherishing every day you have with them instead of throwing yourself into this void. Accept things that you cannot change and use that saved energy to spread good and enjoying life in general. I myself have similar moments and it sometimes seems unbearable but I really try to step back a little and observe my thoughts as much as I can. 99% of the time I'm just being too emotional and life, in general, is not as bad as it seems. Many people have it worse so appreciate what you have and live a life that fills you and your loved ones with joy. Don't worry about the number on your passport.

Re: Ask HN: How did you deal with the fact that you were growing old

#10

Post by Protostome »

I'm 10 years older than you.

When I was 26 I was dealing with the same questions you're facing now. For me, it turned into an obsessive compulsive behavior - I had very frequent panic attacks and was constantly worried about my health (even though I was 100% healthy).

It was a very dark time for me, and the only thing that helped me was antidepressants. No therapy, self help books or meditation.

I also discovered that some people have negative opinions about antidepressants based very limited interaction with it. I tried at least 4-5 different meds until I found that one that works good for me, with minimal side effects.

Take your mental health seriously, it is as important as your physical health. Panic attacks are not something that should be ignored. Consult a therapist or a psychiatrist.

The questions that bother you have no real answer. We're all going to die, and loose people that are dear to us. The only thing you can control is how you live with it.

Post reply on HN