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How Children in a Maya Village Do Chores

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Re: How Children in a Maya Village Do Chores

#11

Post by Swizec »

gumby wrote: post #7

Resonating with a point in the article about telling kids "you're not involved in this task", I've noticed that my American neighbors are quite reluctant to allow their kids to use knives, light candles, fill glasses, and some cooking tasks that could result in a lot of mess. As what looks like a consequence those kids are rarely able to help get dinner on the table when they come over. An uncharitable explanation wo…

My mum told me something important once: Your kids want to help. Let them. Kids are something you should live with and involve in your life, not something you designate to an hour of “kids time” once a day.

Both me and my sister started learning to cook when we were 5 or so, we helped with dishes, we set the table, we learned about cleaning up after pets. Of course we both tried to purposefully forget it when we were teenagers, but the skills and confidence to be okay without help were there when we needed them.

If I ever have kids, I hope I’ll have the patience to take the same approach.

Nothing worse than a person suffering from learned helplessnes and that stuff starts early.

Re: How Children in a Maya Village Do Chores

#12

Post by rossdavidh »

Reminds me of something I read from Jared Diamond, wherein he said that in traditional societies that he had investigated, the kids play is just small versions of the adults life, that gets more and more realistic until it's the real thing. So, a child gets a piglet to look after, if the adults raise pigs. This would make sense from a biological point of view; the young watch the adults and imitate what they're doing as well as they can, getting better and better by practicing it.

It reminds me also of what I've learned about speaking a foreign language; you can't learn enough to be good at it first, then start speaking. You have to just start speaking it even though you're horrible. That's how you improve.

Re: How Children in a Maya Village Do Chores

#13

Post by agotterer »

My wife and I stumbled across this thinking recently. We have an 18 month old and we started putting him to work. I rarely open or close a cabinet, microwave or dishwasher if he’s around. We plop him on the counter when we cook and he holds ingredients and utensils. Just today I was hanging something on the wall so I had him hold the screwdriver for me. We found that he’s thrilled to help and we never force him. Our initial intention was just to keep him busy but I’ve seen two similar posts on HN recently and I’m now realizing there’s a bigger social, reaponsibility, and familial lesson here.

Re: How Children in a Maya Village Do Chores

#14

Post by lubujackson »

gumby wrote: post #7

Resonating with a point in the article about telling kids "you're not involved in this task", I've noticed that my American neighbors are quite reluctant to allow their kids to use knives, light candles, fill glasses, and some cooking tasks that could result in a lot of mess. As what looks like a consequence those kids are rarely able to help get dinner on the table when they come over. An uncharitable explanation wo…

There is also a responsible way to teach them these skills. My wife bought my 3 year old a nylon knife which is sharp enough to cut strawberries and potatoes but arguably safer than a butter knife. I was amazed how quickly he took to using it and is SO EXCITED when he gets to help prep dinner.

I think an overarching child-rearing strategy we have used is to treat our children as people who have valid needs and capabilities. Crazy, I know. But you constantly see parents doing things like going out to dinner and drinking wine for 3 hours while their bored 4 year old makes a scene, and they get surprised and blame the kid. Our boy rarely flips out, partly because we anticipate normal reactions and avoid putting him in bad situations. And the long-term benefit of that is when we are forced into tough situations, like a 7 hour plane ride, he generally weathers it better because he isn't used to suffering crappy situations all the time.

Re: How Children in a Maya Village Do Chores

#15

Post by newnewpdro »

Until the kids all got smartphones... what chores?

Raise your kids in a single shared room without any convenient forms of unlimited entertainment, where they must either witness all the work they're not helping with while bored and guilty or participate, and see how magically helpful they are.

Re: How Children in a Maya Village Do Chores

#16

Post by 3rdAccount »

There's a relevant Paul graham essay about how teenagers are basically neurotic lapdogs because throughout much of history they would assist with everything and would be an apprentice..etc, but now are locked away at school (similar to a prison or daycare where their parents drop them off so they can work).

It's a great essay that I can't do justice if someone can find it.

Re: How Children in a Maya Village Do Chores

#17

Post by PebblesRox »

3rdAccount wrote: post #16

There's a relevant Paul graham essay about how teenagers are basically neurotic lapdogs because throughout much of history they would assist with everything and would be an apprentice..etc, but now are locked away at school (similar to a prison or daycare where their parents drop them off so they can work). It's a great essay that I can't do justice if someone can find it.

I believe it’s this one: http://paulgraham.com/nerds.html

Some relevant excerpts:

“Bullying was only part of the problem. Another problem, and possibly an even worse one, was that we never had anything real to work on. Humans like to work; in most of the world, your work is your identity. And all the work we did was pointless, or seemed so at the time.”

“If life seems awful to kids, it's neither because hormones are turning you all into monsters (as your parents believe), nor because life actually is awful (as you believe). It's because the adults, who no longer have any economic use for you, have abandoned you to spend years cooped up together with nothing real to do. Any society of that type is awful to live in. You don't have to look any further to explain why teenage kids are unhappy.”

Re: How Children in a Maya Village Do Chores

#19

Post by JunkDNA »

keyle wrote: post #8

Very interesting. I thaught my toddler to help dad make his coffee in the morning... Puts the capsule in, pushes the long button, takes the capsule out... Then he smells the coffee and says 'nice' and feels the cup and confirms a job well done by saying 'hot'. It's surprising how quickly he learnt how to do it, and how keen he is to help dad do it, for no gain of his own. On the other hand begging him to eat, trick h…

I did this with my almost 3 year old. Except I use whole beans and a drip coffee maker. He tares the scale, weighs the beans, dumps them in the grinder, grinds them, and puts them in the coffee maker. The only part he doesn’t do is get the water because he’s not strong enough to push the button for filtered water in the fridge.

I made the mistake with my first two kids of not involving them early enough. Now they think work around the house is something only mom and dad do.

Re: How Children in a Maya Village Do Chores

#20

Post by PebblesRox »

keyle wrote: post #8

Very interesting. I thaught my toddler to help dad make his coffee in the morning... Puts the capsule in, pushes the long button, takes the capsule out... Then he smells the coffee and says 'nice' and feels the cup and confirms a job well done by saying 'hot'. It's surprising how quickly he learnt how to do it, and how keen he is to help dad do it, for no gain of his own. On the other hand begging him to eat, trick h…

If anyone wants to see this in action, someone took a video of their two-year-old making coffee. It’s impressive! (And adorable) https://www.paulaspencerscott.com/single-post/toddler-making...
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