Ask HN: How do you know if you're just not cut out for software engineering?

Hi HN,

I'm having a personal crisis,trying to figure out if software engineering is for me or if I've been sticking with it due to golden handcuffs.

I come from a non-traditional engineering background (though related to computer science). It was a program I sort of fell into and enjoyed enough to stick with for four years.

I've been out of school, in industry, for almost 5 years. I've had the luxury of working for a medium-sized org, as well as a startup, and have shipped a handful of products.

The problem is, I'm not engaged while at work. I find myself zoning off, 1000-yard-stare-style. I am tired or disinterested in the work going on around me -- both in the larger org, as well as on my team and even my own work.

This was the reason I left the larger org for a startup, hoping to find a place where I felt more engaged. Yet, the feelings persist. I'm apathetic about the problems of my company as well as the technical problems we have to resolve. Some of my coworkers seem to revel in it, and obsess over the latest industry happenings and what not. Meanwhile, I'm glancing at the clock, waiting for 6PM so I can go home.

I should note here that I always hit my deadlines, so I'm not dead weight on the team. I just don't.. care that much about it.

Now, I'm trying to determine if this is a case of a poor company fit, a case of "golden handcuffs", or something else. Salary is a big motivator for me and I've been fortunate in that department. Yet I also don't have the drive to tackle side projects and my own things outside of work. I'll learn what's required to get the job done. But at the end of the day I'm not learning for fun or working on a side-hustle. I leave work at work.

Could this be indicative of software engineering not being right for me? It's the only field I've ever considered pursuing, and I don't have anything else pulling me.

If you do not see things getting better in less than a year and you cannot mentally stand being there it is better to get out early and find some bigger golden handcuffs. If you are a great engineer there is a ton of money waiting for you at other companies, especially the closer to Silicon Valley you get.

If you stay just for the money, you will mentally and technology wise suffer in the long term as you loose your drive, motivation and willingness to keep improving your skills and capabilities in software engineering. You will soon find yourself not caring about the work at all (hard to get out of bed and go to work), will not find much to talk about with coworkers (conversations will get shorter and have less content, just smaller and smaller small talk) and worse you will no longer be getting anything out of being there, barely contribute and your growth as an engineer will stop.

One thing many people do not think about when just working for the golden parachute is how not being engaged, growing and having fun affects your overall mental health. Your mental health is the most important thing you can maintain, once that is gone, any money you had or have coming will be blown through trying to get your mental problems fixed in and out of different levels of professional help options. Plus, you will no longer be able to have fun outside of work because you would be too drained mentally to do anything else which will start to affect your after work social activities.

This will eventually take a toll on your physical health too, and may put you in a state to where you are just too tired to look for something new and just stay where you are for the next 30+ years where you are no longer growing and challenging yourself.

From those above situations are from personal experience with previous/current coworkers, friends and family. The bulk of people that just stayed where they were and did not look for more fun and engaging work opportunities or start their own business to have more control of their software engineering physically look horrible. To those outside (friends, family, coworkers) you will eventually sound like a broken record of failed I want or should do x,y,z instead of someone that tried to do something new to better themselves work wise to improve.

Just remember if you find yourself asking yourself that same question over and over again, but are actually doing good at the job it is normally just a case of not being challenged enough at work and it is no longer fun and time to upgrade to a newer more challenging job.

Something similar happens to me everytime I get into a job & later, in a couple months time, I have to quit. I have found that the remote way of work suits me, but have not been succesful in gaining financial independence from such jobs. My problem, I guess is stress & some type of bleakness/hopelessness that develops from continuing at the job that I engage myself in. I have absolutely no issues with co workers or with the companies, but with time, I start losing all kind of hope from the job & in my future. I dont know if this only happens with me or anyone else but somewhere I feel that I am not built for 'jobs' like everyone does!