As to why I came to this realization (someone else in the comment section said this question is of no lesser interest) - I've been through some deaths (four of them to date) of my relatives, which were dreadful for me, I've seen more deaths than that too, which was dreadful for me too, I was looking how to stop deaths from coming, in 2010 I was seeking a refuge in Abrahamic religions and soon abandoned them because it turned out I didn't believe in any of that, in 2010 I abandoned almost all tries to explain deaths in any otherworldly or supernatural manner, and with time, slowly, this realization came, of that it is just how it is in this world, it is what it is. Deaths are deaths. With that realization came some inner calm and gradual self-acceptance. Prior to that, as a boy, I used to imagine myself this and that and since self-acceptance came the pretending of being something practically disappeared. Buddhism also helped in 2014, as I was close acquaitance with a guy, who turned out to be a Buddhist so to outwit him I was reading some books on it. I didn't accept it at all, but instead of learning how to outwit that guy I took some clues from it, since it heavily resonated with my conclusions about that world is just what it is. And it brought even more calm.
Re: Ask HN: What have been your best decisions in life?
#61My best decision was probably (however banal that would sound) accepting myself. After I realised (the realization is still work in progress) that I am just who I am and nothing else, I started working on eliminating ties and traits I didn't personally want myself but which I have developed earlier due to some societal accepted "norm". It turned out to be rewarding - I love living, I am becoming more and more calm with time. I am becoming more calm with time also due to that with self-acceptance came slow and on-going realization of that I am nothing. It may seem dreading but it is opposite.