371–380 of 482 posts
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It is not dismissive if it's true.
That's not how that works. ^ This comment is me being dismissive of you, and it's also true.
You are basically saying that women have never treated men differently based on their attractiveness, which is absurd.
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Can you please give an example? I only see comments from people avoiding interaction with women at work. And they are doing this because of the potential trouble such an interaction might bring not because they are getting into trouble by doing so.
I don't think adding "at work" really makes it better. The original comment I replied to is basically saying that men just avoid women as an "one of the unfortunate unintended consequences of the #MeToo movement." My point is that this is not due to #MeToo, it's due to people with bad social skills who think avoiding women is better than improving them.
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Which is why men who aren’t able to read those boundaries prefer to simply avoid getting anywhere near those boundaries. The easiest way of not transgressing is to avoid contact altogether.
Reasonable enough, but if that's the case, we should be blaming the avoidance on men for their social incompetence, not on women for having boundaries.
> Go befriend a girl in your class or company. It’s not creepy. As an unattractive computer nerd, I've been regularly reminded my entire life that I am creepy. Skipping.
I have a talented, and wonderful, female dev on my team. One thing though:. She has described to me some of the male coders as being "creepers". When I asked for specifics, she couldn't provide them. She simply stated it was a "feeling". The one commonality I found with the creepers is that they are pretty clearly below average in looks. The question is whether this is a correlation or a casual factor. But definitely…
It's both. There was, in our ancestor's state-of-nature, a very high social and reproductive opportunity cost associated with the worst possible actions of a "below-par" male. This would have been true even before the advent of language. Furthermore, note that the opposite of the above is true with an "above-par" male. I think this explains a lot of female behavior with respect to men who are more and less attractive.
I am a female engineer and I studied CS in Europe. I never had issues socializing. My classmates were fortunately very inclusive, maybe because the men-women friendships have a different dynamic in Europe, or I was just lucky. Either way, my class was still 95% male. I would say we have to look at even younger girls to see the issue. I have a brother who is really into computer games. When we were children, my parent…
> I think we have to start early and stop dividing professions into for men or women. Let men be nurses and women firefighters. Look at your childrens personalities and let them grow in whatever they enjoy, girly or not.
I would just add that we should do this even if it doesn't change anything. Just let people do whatever they like and don't judge them with stupid stereotypes. Don't force girls to be CS and boys to be nurses if they don't want to.
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> Yes, improving your social skills can be damned hard. But that’s irrelevant if you don’t even want to do it. Er... your theory is that "too shy/awkward to carry on a casual conversation with a woman" is something that some men prefer ? That they could overcome it, but don't want to? That seems more likely to you than "they would like to overcome it, but haven't been able to"?
When the discussion consists entirely of people saying they just avoid talking to women entirely, yes, that seems much more likely. I’m not saying they’re happy with it, but prefer it over self improvement? You bet. People usually hate trying to change themselves.
>Between the ages of 16 and 24, girls have more sophisticated social lives than boys of the same age. Young women talk to their friends more often [1], care more about their reputation [2], spend more time talking about their friends [3], and assign more emotional value to close relationships [4] I admire that she provided links for these, but I really don't believe any of those statements. That list of 4 things is d…
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The way I see it: 1. Making friends isn't even remotely close to a line. The line is way out in workplace romance and sexual power politics land. The very basic mitigation strategy you have is simply not to go there. If you can't not go there, then you have other problems to deal with first, and the sooner you go about that the better! 2. If making friends isn't crossing a line, it's therefore not sticking your neck…
You seem to be misinterpreting my comment: a) My comment about nursing meant that the workplace barriers within opposite-gender mentoring exist on both sides of the spectrum...not acting as an excuse. Your reaction is just like telling the author to "get on with [her] life." b) Who said anything about "weird fetishized platform of unobtanium"? I was just pointing out the legal realities that exist within the workplac…
I say you are letting your fear of sensationalized stories, and/or general fear of the Other, lead you astray.
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I qualified that statement by saying "If you're saying that your attractiveness is the reason you've been told you're creepy...", because if that's what he's saying, he's admitting his intentions and I don't have to assume. If he's not saying that, then my statement doesn't apply.
Your "statement" is hopelessly wrong even if GP is saying exactly that. You have failed at logic, probably because of your privilege. You cannot imagine being conventionally ugly (poor, unstylish, socially inept, etc.) enough that your every communication would be viewed with suspicion. GP informs us that GP is at least that conventionally ugly. If GP says "good morning" while maintaining eye contact and smiling slig…
* My privilege * My attractiveness * My style * My social skills * My life experiences * GP's actions * GP's experiences
Not having a woman be attracted to you is not systematic oppression, or even oppression at all. No one is entitled to the attention or affection of another. People are, however, entitled to be treated with dignity and respect regardless of their race or gender.
Anyway, you're an obvious troll. Your profile even says so. So I'm done with this conversation.
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The way I see it: 1. Making friends isn't even remotely close to a line. The line is way out in workplace romance and sexual power politics land. The very basic mitigation strategy you have is simply not to go there. If you can't not go there, then you have other problems to deal with first, and the sooner you go about that the better! 2. If making friends isn't crossing a line, it's therefore not sticking your neck…
Sexual power politics land starts in the grey line between saying hello in the morning and giving someone unwanted attention.