Learn to genuinely like people.
there are a lot of replies kind of like this. but wouldn't it be better to learn to accurately judge people, and not socialize with people who aren't worthwhile?
Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?
71–80 of 106 posts
Re: Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?
#72If you are a programmer and strongly left-brained (not always the same thing), I'd suggest tricking yourself into thinking you have a logical approach to interpersonal relationships and then going to social gatherings quickly before you over-analyze. Step 1 - Read most of http://www.amazon.com/Nlp-21-Days-Harry-Alder/dp/0749920300/... - this is NOT a good scientific book, but it seems to be good at convincing you to…
I suspect you're right about the analytical approach causing me problems. But, I've had a lot of "step out of your comfort zone" type advice throughout my life. I've done this, but I guess I'm not persistent enough. At any rate, I'd like another approach if possible.
Re: Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?
#73don't. people are generally least interesting in casual, social situations. for example, most of the people in this thread have said reasonably interesting, intelligent ideas. but at a bar they'd say worse things.
For anyone who couldn't figure out what the earlier replies r.e. judging people had to do with anything, the parent reply is an illustration.
What he says is my problem though. I can't connect at the small talk level. I have an easy time talking with people like xlnt about abstract ideas and philosophy, but I suck at talking about "real" things.
Re: Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?
#74Go to bars and pull up seats next to random people. Make a game out of it. See how long you can hold a conversation until it gets awkward.
Yeah, this sort of suggestion is motivating. Actions that shatter everyone's mental rut and bring newness to everyone's experience motivate me. I might do what you say, or something similar.
The thing that turns me off in interpersonal interaction is the rote manner of interaction that I don't know, and don't want to learn. When people interact as they really are is what interests me.
For instance, a teacher challenged me to ask a girl out, so I made a dare out of it with a friend. Girl turned me down though:P a couple of them.
Re: Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?
#75Pickup-chicks stuff I have to give very mixed reviews. Yes walking up and introducing yourself to people will make you better at talking to them. That much is certainly undeniable. But the online communities associated with such things have some significant downsides. I hate to do this but I'm going to advocate acting classes. The reason I hate to do it is there's always somebody in an improv class who's obviously ju…
I did Toastmasters and was pretty good at it. I've also given presentations to large groups of people and high ranking people. I don't think public speaking and spontaneity are my problem.
Re: Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?
#76Earlier quoted context omitted.
For anyone who couldn't figure out what the earlier replies r.e. judging people had to do with anything, the parent reply is an illustration.
What he says is my problem though. I can't connect at the small talk level. I have an easy time talking with people like xlnt about abstract ideas and philosophy, but I suck at talking about "real" things.
"it's a feature not a bug"
what do you imagine would be the great benefits of having more casual social interactions?
Re: Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?
#77A few months ago I went down the same road that you did because of my frustrations with social interactions. I read "How to make friends...", tried to talk to people on the street, tried social lubricants like alcohol and caffeine. To my dismay, nothing seemed to work or stick. Then I read the book "The Game" and started getting into the "pick up" scene. While I felt (and still do) uncomfortable with the sometimes ne…
I skimmed that book. I did feel pretty energized and powerful after reading it, like I had the inside track on things. I feel weird about that sort of thing though. I don't want to get laid or anything.
One guy gave me roses to pass out to pretty women at a bar to try and hook up. I passed them out because I do like the idea of recognizing beautiful women, but I shut down when one actually was interested in me and tried to make contact. I also tried drinking and another tried dirty dancing with me, but I mainly just got depressed and I was pretty much a fish.
Re: Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?
#78Thanks for the comments, this is kinda cathartic to see that you guys care. I haven't really seen anything new though, so I think advice is useless for me.
- EDIT -
That's too strongly worded. I'm being moody.
Really though, I quite appreciate the concern. And I'll take the advice seriously and put it into practice.
Re: Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?
#79Go to bars and pull up seats next to random people. Make a game out of it. See how long you can hold a conversation until it gets awkward.
Yeah, this sort of suggestion is motivating. Actions that shatter everyone's mental rut and bring newness to everyone's experience motivate me. I might do what you say, or something similar. The thing that turns me off in interpersonal interaction is the rote manner of interaction that I don't know, and don't want to learn. When people interact as they really are is what interests me. For instance, a teacher challeng…
I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "rote manner of interaction that I don't know, and don't want to learn."
If you mean the talking about the weather thing, that's what talking people in bars should teach you to get beyond.
Re: Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?
#80Earlier quoted context omitted.
What he says is my problem though. I can't connect at the small talk level. I have an easy time talking with people like xlnt about abstract ideas and philosophy, but I suck at talking about "real" things.
"it's a feature not a bug" what do you imagine would be the great benefits of having more casual social interactions?
I don't really know. I suspect you are right, that it is part of my nature to be this way. But it is hard for me to be convinced, since almost everyone I respect thinks differently and encourages me to be more social.