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Ask HN: Of your hard learned lessons, which do you wish could’ve been easier?

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Re: Ask HN: Of your hard learned lessons, which do you wish could’ve been easier?

#21

Post by laaph »

I wish I learned to take care of my health at a younger age. Of course, I'm overdue to go to the dentist, so perhaps I'm still struggling with that.

I wish I had learned not to have a fear of other people at a younger age. It's easy to say that I was "shy". I think it went much further than that. I'm in a place where I don't speak the common language, and let me tell you how hard it is to learn a language when you are "shy".

I wish I learned to recognize abusive behaviors and asshole-ism much earlier than I did. I occasionally shock people by telling a story where awful stuff happened and at the time I didn't think anything was wrong.

I wish I learned whatever it is that makes people want to hire you in interviews. I've been through thousands of interviews, and the only jobs I've ever gotten are ones where I wasn't interviewed. Even when recommended for jobs, where I'm perfect for the position and the job is perfect for me, I've never gotten hired that way. Most jobs don't easily let you in the back door; usually you still have to go through an interview process. I still don't have this one sorted out, even if the previous two I have down much better.

Re: Ask HN: Of your hard learned lessons, which do you wish could’ve been easier?

#22

Post by abhishekjha »

sidcool wrote: post #18
abhishekjha wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Materialism is overrated. Stuff breaks. I get very attached to computers and monitors.

And it breaks a lot! So checks out.

Actually I am scared of them stopping to work one day. That hard drive crash was enough emotional turbulence already. :(

Re: Ask HN: Of your hard learned lessons, which do you wish could’ve been easier?

#23

Post by badminton1 »

Balero wrote: post #19
dasmoth wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I already conceded the “tools” issue. That’s not necessarily a huge input though — good tools last a long time. Can you find a blacksmith who would trade tools for food? I’ve never had cause to find out but it wouldn’t shock me if you could...

Also where did they get the money to start out. Land, buildings etc. And to read hacker news a screen, an internet connection, all of which made, by specialist people using specialist tools, made by other specialist people using specialist tools. All of which were developed by specialist people relying on other specialist people. Philosophically I like the idea of being a generalist. It's good to know. at least rudim…

Well said.

Even a "generalist" is [from a high-level perspective] a specialist.

Re: Ask HN: Of your hard learned lessons, which do you wish could’ve been easier?

#24

Post by badpun »

laaph wrote: post #21

I wish I learned to take care of my health at a younger age. Of course, I'm overdue to go to the dentist, so perhaps I'm still struggling with that. I wish I had learned not to have a fear of other people at a younger age. It's easy to say that I was "shy". I think it went much further than that. I'm in a place where I don't speak the common language, and let me tell you how hard it is to learn a language when you ar…

> I wish I learned whatever it is that makes people want to hire you in interviews. I've been through thousands of interviews, and the only jobs I've ever gotten are ones where I wasn't interviewed. Even when recommended for jobs, where I'm perfect for the position and the job is perfect for me, I've never gotten hired that way. Most jobs don't easily let you in the back door; usually you still have to go through an interview process. I still don't have this one sorted out, even if the previous two I have down much better.

Since this is probably connected to the "shyness" issue you mentioned, maybe try getting a good psychotherapist? It's probably one of the issues that could be greatly improved with external help and coaching/guidance.

Re: Ask HN: Of your hard learned lessons, which do you wish could’ve been easier?

#25

Post by [deleted] »

mockingbirdz wrote: post #14

1. Take good care of your health. It impacts other areas of your life - how you feel, how you think, your confidence. 2. Being right is overrated. 3. Don't get too attached to any "thing" or person. 4. Letting go of people and things won't kill you though it hurts at first. 5. Care less about what other people think.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Of your hard learned lessons, which do you wish could’ve been easier?

#26

Post by apohn »

Being more objective about and positive/negatives of major aspects of one's life.

Since this is HN, I'll talk about having a technical role/job. It's really easy to feel that something fantastic (e.g. a great business problem, the latest tech stack, a great work environment) is present at another job feel miserable because your current job doesn't have that one thing. Many times this is just your own projection (and you may not project the negatives around that one thing) You can then jump to another job based on this projection and feel even more miserable than you did before you took the job because now you realize you were only projecting that this missing thing existed at your new job.

Going along this with, you project how great that one missing thing will be, but not realize that one missing thing is going to have negatives as well.

You can also minimize the negatives - My work environment/boss/tech stack is terrible, but most jobs are like this so I'll stay. Again, you project the negatives to another place out of fear that leaving your current job will be a mistake.

It's a long and hard series of lessons to get to the point where you can be somewhat objective what's missing, what's okay to be missing, what needs to be there for you to be content, and the ways resolve this. That way you can be more balanced about what you need from a job what you need to from outside your job.

Re: Ask HN: Of your hard learned lessons, which do you wish could’ve been easier?

#27

Post by EvanKRob »

Less is more.

- You don't need that neat kitchen gadget when a knife will do just fine.

- A small number of close friends > a lot of acquaintances. As you get older and priorities change, maintaining those friendships becomes harder, closer friends will understand and help maintain that connection.

- Eat less

- Starting fewer projects at once helps get more projects done.

- Less distractions. Give yourself more time to think to formulate your thoughts w/o influence or corruption.

An exception is more travel. You'll look back and never regret a travel experience.

Re: Ask HN: Of your hard learned lessons, which do you wish could’ve been easier?

#28

Post by EvanKRob »

mockingbirdz wrote: post #14

1. Take good care of your health. It impacts other areas of your life - how you feel, how you think, your confidence. 2. Being right is overrated. 3. Don't get too attached to any "thing" or person. 4. Letting go of people and things won't kill you though it hurts at first. 5. Care less about what other people think.

2. Being right is overrated.

So true. Something I took a long time to learn. Everyone's perspective is different so be more empathetic to it and maybe you'll find you're not right after all.

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