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Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

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Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#291

Post by freeflight »

StellarTabi wrote: post #249
nkrisc wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you think that flirting can be mistaken as sexual harassment then that tells me you have no idea how to flirt.

It is harassment when 30 random guys are constantly piling on unwanted flirt after unwanted flirt.

It's not like these 30 random guys have organized themselves to make their approaches as harassing as possible. These 30 don't and can't know if you've been approached before or how often.

Intent matters a whole lot and their intent is not to harass you but rather to reach out and probe for your potential interest.

Accusing people of harassment, for simply trying to approach you, is imho a seriously crappy thing to do and very unreasonable.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#292

Post by chrischen »

nojvek wrote: post #234
chrischen wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is ultimately superficial once someone knows more about you, but that doesn't stop people from setting it as their pre-filter before they see what they truly want. You ask people to improve the carriage, they'll tell you to make a faster horse. If you ask a woman what they want, they'll tell you tall dark and handsome.

Dark?

"Tall dark and handsome" is a Western cliche. You can adjust it as you see fit based on regional prejudices.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#293

Post by chrischen »

magduf wrote: post #232
kowdermeister wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> looks aren't as important That's not true for the majority. Looks are the first signal you notice of the other person. Unless you are after poets, artists or other people whose work reach other people without "the looks" then I don't see how - even subconsciously - it's not important. Pics are furthermore do indicate personality. I agree that Tinder is an industrial scale meat grinder, but the advantage is that wid…

The thing about Tinder that sucks is that you don't get a very good idea about a person from it, because all you get is a few pictures and if you're lucky, a very short free-form text session where hopefully they wrote something substantive about themselves. However, the thing that makes Tinder great (and also Bumble, though I haven't tried that one yet) is that both parties must "like" each other for any messaging t…

I think the problem with "not enough information" is that if people actually successfully progress from just using it to text each and count matches, you'll find that using just looks is extremely inefficient in actually finding quality matches. But seeing has how it's stereotypical for Tinder to be for hookups (even though most people I know use it for dating), it's probably justifiable for their intended use case.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#294

Post by JoshCole »

wpietri wrote: post #212
JoshCole wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think your confusion comes because online dating isn't dating. A date takes potentially a couple of hours at max. Online dating refers to the process of searching for someone to date via the internet. A date can take an hour or two. Looking for a date online can take hundreds of hours without any results save for a few catfish scams.

I think you've confused "going on date" with "dating". The process called "dating" has always included the initial part of sorting through possible prospects to go on a date with. Online dating is more efficient than what went before. The process has also included getting-to-know-you conversation and trust-building, neither of which this impersonation accomplishes. A date does take a couple of hours max. But if it wo…

Dating has multiple different meanings in English. Not only do I know this, but you're attempt to correct me is a re-statement of what I said in my own post: dating can refer to the process of finding someone to begin dating.

Online dating can be a long torturous experience. That is why people are saying they want to skip it and do the parts that are enjoyable. Some because it was long and people don't have time for it. Some because it can be torturous and life is too short to put up with that.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#295

Post by freeflight »

ryanwaggoner wrote: post #164
Donzo wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is actually an insane correlation between abuse and sex. Draw what inferences you will from this, but women in abusive relationships overwhelmingly report having fantastic sex lives. Anyone who’s been in a long-term, safe relationship may have noticed that it takes work, on the part of both partners, to keep the candles burning. Learning stuff like this seems to defy everything that one knows, but this is the c…

There is actually an insane correlation between abuse and sex. Draw what inferences you will from this, but women in abusive relationships overwhelmingly report having fantastic sex lives. If true, it seems like the research backing this up wouldn't be shouted from the rooftops because it makes people uncomfortable, but I'm unable to find anything backing up your fairly wild claim. In fact, here's a study showing the…

One could probably cite the immense popularity of Fifty shades of gray. It's supposed to be "BDSM themed", but actually, it's just a story about an abusive relationship build on "great sex" [0].

Most people familiar with BDSM practices/norms hate those books/movies with a passion due to how they misrepresent BDSM like it's just an abusive relationship.

The article also quotes a 2000 paper about consent by legal scholar Robin West [1], imho it's relevant to the discussion at hand as it argues that even violent and abusive marriages are often traceable back to acts of consent by the woman.

[0] https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/02/co...

[1] https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1847983

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#296

Post by Donzo »

aoeusnth1 wrote: post #266
Donzo wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is actually an insane correlation between abuse and sex. Draw what inferences you will from this, but women in abusive relationships overwhelmingly report having fantastic sex lives. Anyone who’s been in a long-term, safe relationship may have noticed that it takes work, on the part of both partners, to keep the candles burning. Learning stuff like this seems to defy everything that one knows, but this is the c…

Don't you think your comments would be more convincing if you had sources?

Yes. It would. Here's one from "The Science of Trust" by Dr. John M. Gottman, foremost expert on this subject.

"As we interview these abused women, Neil and I were astounded by one consistent story about half of these women told us. They said that the best sex they had ever had in their lives occurred right after a violent beating they took from their husbands. The very thought of having sex with someone who had just hit you was totally out of the realm of our experience. Is that the combined result of dopamine and oxytocin."

I suggest reading the whole book. It's fantastic.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#297

Post by Donzo »

ryanwaggoner wrote: post #164
Donzo wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is actually an insane correlation between abuse and sex. Draw what inferences you will from this, but women in abusive relationships overwhelmingly report having fantastic sex lives. Anyone who’s been in a long-term, safe relationship may have noticed that it takes work, on the part of both partners, to keep the candles burning. Learning stuff like this seems to defy everything that one knows, but this is the c…

There is actually an insane correlation between abuse and sex. Draw what inferences you will from this, but women in abusive relationships overwhelmingly report having fantastic sex lives. If true, it seems like the research backing this up wouldn't be shouted from the rooftops because it makes people uncomfortable, but I'm unable to find anything backing up your fairly wild claim. In fact, here's a study showing the…

As I mentioned to above poster. Here is a source from "The Science of Trust" by Dr. John M. Gottman, foremost expert on this subject.

"As we interview these abused women, Neil and I were astounded by one consistent story about half of these women told us. They said that the best sex they had ever had in their lives occurred right after a violent beating they took from their husbands. The very thought of having sex with someone who had just hit you was totally out of the realm of our experience. Is that the combined result of dopamine and oxytocin."

There is more but really I'm at a -4 for making this post, so trying to teach people uncomfortable truths is not well-rewarded around here.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#298

Post by wpietri »

JoshCole wrote: post #294
wpietri wrote: post #212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you've confused "going on date" with "dating". The process called "dating" has always included the initial part of sorting through possible prospects to go on a date with. Online dating is more efficient than what went before. The process has also included getting-to-know-you conversation and trust-building, neither of which this impersonation accomplishes. A date does take a couple of hours max. But if it wo…

Dating has multiple different meanings in English. Not only do I know this, but you're attempt to correct me is a re-statement of what I said in my own post: dating can refer to the process of finding someone to begin dating. Online dating can be a long torturous experience. That is why people are saying they want to skip it and do the parts that are enjoyable. Some because it was long and people don't have time for…

Dating can be a long, difficult experience, on line or off. So the online part is irrelevant here except that it makes fraud possible.

I understand that humans in general are lazy, and normally I am fine with that. But a) being lazy is different than not having time, b) if you don't have time to date, you also don't have time for a relationship, and c) you can't just skip the early parts of building a relationship. That's not how dating works.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#299

Post by JoshCole »

wpietri wrote: post #212
JoshCole wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think your confusion comes because online dating isn't dating. A date takes potentially a couple of hours at max. Online dating refers to the process of searching for someone to date via the internet. A date can take an hour or two. Looking for a date online can take hundreds of hours without any results save for a few catfish scams.

I think you've confused "going on date" with "dating". The process called "dating" has always included the initial part of sorting through possible prospects to go on a date with. Online dating is more efficient than what went before. The process has also included getting-to-know-you conversation and trust-building, neither of which this impersonation accomplishes. A date does take a couple of hours max. But if it wo…

Online dating is less efficient than what went before. Online dating is more efficient than what before. Both of these statements are true. There are some metrics where is it worse. There are some metrics where it is better. For example, if you are trying to maximize the number of rejections per second, than online dating is very efficient. Even speed dating doesn't have as many rejections per second as online dating.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#300

Post by ryanwaggoner »

Donzo wrote: post #297
ryanwaggoner wrote: post #164

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is actually an insane correlation between abuse and sex. Draw what inferences you will from this, but women in abusive relationships overwhelmingly report having fantastic sex lives. If true, it seems like the research backing this up wouldn't be shouted from the rooftops because it makes people uncomfortable, but I'm unable to find anything backing up your fairly wild claim. In fact, here's a study showing the…

As I mentioned to above poster. Here is a source from "The Science of Trust" by Dr. John M. Gottman, foremost expert on this subject. "As we interview these abused women, Neil and I were astounded by one consistent story about half of these women told us. They said that the best sex they had ever had in their lives occurred right after a violent beating they took from their husbands. The very thought of having sex wi…

Maybe you're being downvoted because you're spouting unsourced nonsense with a wink-wink as to why it might be true, instead of "teaching truths"?

A line in a book about interviews of abused women doesn't really equal actual research sufficient to back up your wild claim here. Further, you stated that women in abusive relationships "overwhelmingly report have fantastic sex lives", but you've posted a line from a book stating that roughly half (of some) abused women said their best sexual encounters had occurred immediately after physical abuse.

That's a world of difference, and it really draws into sharp relief the underlying point you were trying to make (your clever "draw what you will from this, but..." notwithstanding) and how far from the truth it actually lies.

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