Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps • Hacker News Board

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#181

Post by walrus01 » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:31 PM UTC

throw0984320 wrote: post #178

walrus01 wrote: post #168

If you really want to see something weird (from an American perspective) take a look at "matrimonial" websites such as shaadi.com , and Indian dating apps. The selection criteria for ethnic groups and religions! In the North American melting pot it's crude and racist to put blunt preferences in a dating ad, in India (and Pakistan, and Bangaldesh) apparently it's the norm.

I don't see what's wrong in being upfront about what you want and facilitating that. It keeps the process simple and works as a pretty good initial filter. While you're talking about the melting pot in the western world, it just so happens that eventually most whites end up with just whites, and blacks just blacks. Most beautiful women end up with rich men, and religious people end up with religious people. Long term…

I didn't say that it's wrong, just that it's weird and different from American cultural norms. Things americans do are weird and different to Indians. I think one of the main differences, and this is a gross overgeneralization, is that south asian dating sites and apps are much more aimed at people who are looking for marriage. Whereas Americans enjoy "casual dating" - good luck getting a casual dating app to take off in Peshawar, Pakistan.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#182

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:33 PM UTC

heartbreak wrote: post #143

Double_a_92 wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Men shotgun and women pick and choose. The problem is that that is a vicious cycle. The more men shotgun the more women have to be picky. So nobody answers and man have to write to even more women... Usually this get's "fixed" by limiting the amount of messages men can send. But that doesn't really work. There should be a system that "punishes" women for being picky and men for being desperate. Maybe publicly show…

> There should be a system that "punishes" women for being picky I don’t want to misinterpret you, so is this what you meant to write?

[deleted]

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#183

Post by car_invasion » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:35 PM UTC

watwut wrote: post #125

factsaresacred wrote: post #121

His blog may not be to everyone's taste, but the writer 'Delicious Tacos' pioneered this with OK Cupid years ago. On his blog he shares his online dating exploits along with some nice openers ("You are attractive, and I want to go out with you. Basically" being one that I stole and overused). Anyway, all that online dating made him horribly cynical. But damn if it doesn't make for good writing: > If she doesn’t give…

> Maybe means no. Hesitation means no. Not sure it is cynical. It might just be interpreting contemporary human communication correctly. In other contexts, "maybe" tends to be used when the other person don't really want to do whatever you want them to do. If you just spent two days trying to convince someone to go white water kayaking, then it normally means he dont want to be kayaking, it is the same.

Such thinking work as a quick filter so you don't get to get committed a lot.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#184

Post by ddorian43 » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:36 PM UTC

magduf wrote: post #161

kofejnik wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

okcupid published some nice research into this, iirc women consider ~80% males to be "below average". So female standards are seriously skewed towards a small number of super-alphas, who, given a totally free market, would get all the dates

Yeah, but what about the flip side? Not all women are desirable to men: fat, unattractive, already have kids, etc. There's a lot of women who just never get a date, because their photos aren't very attractive and men want pretty women (I'm a man and I'll admit this readily: if a woman is a little overweight that's an automatic disqualifier for me).

Are you overweight yourself at all ?

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#185

Post by tossaway1 » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:37 PM UTC

walrus01 wrote: post #181

throw0984320 wrote: post #178

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't see what's wrong in being upfront about what you want and facilitating that. It keeps the process simple and works as a pretty good initial filter. While you're talking about the melting pot in the western world, it just so happens that eventually most whites end up with just whites, and blacks just blacks. Most beautiful women end up with rich men, and religious people end up with religious people. Long term…

I didn't say that it's wrong, just that it's weird and different from American cultural norms. Things americans do are weird and different to Indians. I think one of the main differences, and this is a gross overgeneralization, is that south asian dating sites and apps are much more aimed at people who are looking for marriage. Whereas Americans enjoy "casual dating" - good luck getting a casual dating app to take of…

What makes you say it's weird and different? Match.com lets you filter by ethnicity and faith...

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#186

Post by throwaway413 » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:39 PM UTC

ionised wrote: post #150

lumberjack wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The "natural urge" is to procreate, not to simply have sex.

I've read things that stated the opposite was true for men, that their natural urge is to have sex, not to create children. The children are just the product of successful sex, and we are just vessels for our genes. My own experience confirms this, as I greatly desire sex and have no inclination whatsoever to have children. Though before the advent of contraception I likely would have ended up with children regardles…

Your sex drive is a naturally evolved mechanism to get you to have those kids. Whether or not you consciously want those kids is more about conditioning. The whole reason sex feels so good is to get us to divert such focus and energy to getting laid and making kids. Getting in each others’ jeans is, like, in our genes man.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#187

Post by throw0984320 » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:39 PM UTC

walrus01 wrote: post #181

throw0984320 wrote: post #178

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't see what's wrong in being upfront about what you want and facilitating that. It keeps the process simple and works as a pretty good initial filter. While you're talking about the melting pot in the western world, it just so happens that eventually most whites end up with just whites, and blacks just blacks. Most beautiful women end up with rich men, and religious people end up with religious people. Long term…

I didn't say that it's wrong, just that it's weird and different from American cultural norms. Things americans do are weird and different to Indians. I think one of the main differences, and this is a gross overgeneralization, is that south asian dating sites and apps are much more aimed at people who are looking for marriage. Whereas Americans enjoy "casual dating" - good luck getting a casual dating app to take of…

Totally agree about the difference in purpose. Casual dating or pre-marital sex is frowned upon in South Asian (and middle eastern) countries which makes dating sites a hard sell.

Since your comment was on top, I wanted to throw my two cents about how if one were to unabashedly formalize the requirements for viable long term relationships to optimize for search time, that's what you'll end up with.

Casual dating and short term relationships are a whole different thing.

(wanted to throw my two cents before folks start overgeneralizing about people from other nations/cultures. Which you're not, but others reading it might)

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#188

Post by walrus01 » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:40 PM UTC

tossaway1 wrote: post #185

walrus01 wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I didn't say that it's wrong, just that it's weird and different from American cultural norms. Things americans do are weird and different to Indians. I think one of the main differences, and this is a gross overgeneralization, is that south asian dating sites and apps are much more aimed at people who are looking for marriage. Whereas Americans enjoy "casual dating" - good luck getting a casual dating app to take of…

What makes you say it's weird and different? Match.com lets you filter by ethnicity and faith...

here's some more "traditional" matrimonial ads:

http://www.thehindu.com/classifieds/matrimonial/

there's a whole jargon and set of acronyms that takes some puzzling out. I guess what I was trying to write in my original post, is that if someone is developing software/database/backend (or presentation layer) for a dating website or app, that there's a considerable diversity of ways people search for certain criteria, other than those that are commonly seen on a site like plenty of fish, bumble, etc.

sort of like this problem: https://www.kalzumeus.com/2010/06/17/falsehoods-programmers-...

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#189

Post by csomar » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:41 PM UTC

dr1337 wrote: post #115

Double_a_92 wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> they will use the app endlessly if real women are there Do they actually? I've spoken to many men and those apps don't seem to work at all. Usually gets deleted after a few days of usage. Like what's the point of being there if absolutely noone wants to write?

Hope - the best commodity that you can sell. It's no wonder Tinder is up there on the Play Store as the second highest grossing app alongside all the online gambling apps. That's because Tinder and all the online dating platforms are exactly designed to mimic gambling. You can't win if you're not in the game.

The experience is not the same everywhere and in every country. In some countries Tinder has worked for me tremendously.

Re: Impersonators who are paid to flirt on dating apps

#190

Post by maroonblazer » Fri, Apr 27, 2018, 1:42 PM UTC

CiPHPerCoder wrote: post #175

dhimes wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It took me half a lifetime to realize this, but you are correct. It's the man's job to try, and it's the woman's job to choose. It's honestly changed the way I think about relationships.

> It's the man's job to try, and it's the woman's job to choose. Is that a descriptive or prescriptive statement? Or put another way: Are you observing and remarking on cultural norms, or stating "This is how things should be?" I only ask because when someone says "It's X's job to [whatever]" the connotation is "X should [whatever]" but the context surrounding this made it ambiguous.

Not the parent but it's definitely descriptive.

Should it be that way? The answer likely depends on whether you're a man or a woman. From the male's POV changing the game benefits us since there's less work to do. If you're a woman then it's the opposite and a net negative.

This sexual dynamic evolved for a reason, so changing it seems like the epitome of an uphill battle.