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No, you are not "running late", you are rude & selfish

gregsavage.com.au

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Re: No, you are not "running late", you are rude & selfish

#101

Post by roel_v »

kranner wrote: post #96
roel_v wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

'Stereotyping' is just a way to extrapolate past experiences, of yourself or of others, into future situations to make reasonable assumptions about those situations. If it's customary for Indians to be late, it's perfectly reasonable for me to assume you'll be late on an appointment if I don't know anything about you. Once I get to know you, and notice that you're always on time, I will adjust my expectations of appo…

According to OS X's dashboard dictionary widget (Oxford American?) Stereotype: a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing. That "oversimplified" is what makes it an unreasonable assumption.

Ok, if you take that definition then yes, I agree that stereotypes are morally negative. I'd still say that the bad part is more in the 'fixed' than in the 'oversimplified' but that's just minor quibbling which doesn't take away from your point.

My point was coming from a slightly different notion of 'stereotype' where it's more similar to 'preconceived notion'. Maybe it's just a language thing.

Re: No, you are not "running late", you are rude & selfish

#102

Post by eduardo_f »

megablast wrote: post #45
_delirium wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I dunno, in much of southern Europe it's certainly not expected that people will be there to the minute even for one-on-one meetings. Probably not an hour late in that case, but I don't think anybody would bat an eye if you had planned to meet at a coffee shop at 2:00 and someone showed up at 2:15. You'd just get a coffee and read a book or the paper or something. (Being exactly on time, and being angry if someone's…

Yes, I found that working with people from Italy, Spain, and Greece. They also use a similar flexibility for delivery dates of programming work, schedules etc... It is considered rude in Germany, Sweden and the UK. Taking a book when going to meet someone, is also considered a little rude, but understandable.

I'm from Spain (though I live in Chicago) and I have to agree. If you get mad at every Spaniard who is late to meetings... well maybe you should stop dealing with Spaniards at all. It's what it is, and it's going to be difficult to change it.

Re: No, you are not "running late", you are rude & selfish

#103

Post by CaptainZapp »

demallien wrote: post #66
CaptainZapp wrote: post #61

I agree in general. Being late, in a Western cultural context is just damn rude. He had me until the dentist story. I don't think that a dentist actually plans to let patients wait, but it does happen. A dentist (mine at least) usually plans in contingency for emergencies, but it may still happen that he overshoots. Question: Would you rather have your dentist hand out his cell phone # after treating you on a Friday…

It's a false dichotomy - the solution to being able to handle emergencies quickly is the same as the solution to being able to see patients on time - have some slack in your schedule. Of course, that may mean that you need to charge more for your service, but I know plenty of people that would happily pay a surcharge of 20% or so on their doctor/dentist visits if it meant that they wouldn't have to be sitting around…

Ummm

"the solution to being able to handle emergencies quickly is the same as the solution to being able to see patients on time"

That's exactly what I said; just with slightly different words.

Re: No, you are not "running late", you are rude & selfish

#104

Post by nopassrecover »

gaius wrote: post #99
martinkallstrom wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Perhaps the same way dyslectics (sp?) are inconsiderate by always being unable to spell correctly. From time to time, it would be acceptable. Consider that for the person that is always late, it is probably a bigger problem than for you. She has to endure it in all parts of her life. Assuming that the problem is that she simply doesn't care is as ignorant as assuming that a dyslectic simply doesn't care to learn how…

You have to understand what lateness means. If someone is late because she was "getting ready" that means "I would rather spend time looking at myself in a mirror than spend time with you". Friends are not so disrespectful of friends.

Or spend time making themselves look respectful. If people regularly turned up unkempt (unshaved/hair in a mess/yesterday's dinner on their week-worn t-shirt) the article would be complaining about that.

Re: No, you are not "running late", you are rude & selfish

#106

Post by stuaxo »

I spend my life rushing to things. Probably some internal overestimation of quite how much can be done for some length of time. Sure, it would be nice to be on time for everything, but I was late every day to school (not for want of trying to be on time). I try to be on time, and often can be (altho arriving sweaty from running for the tube or bus). Other times it just doesn't happen. We have mobile phones these days so it's no big deal.. having to arrive for a hard and fast deadline is a lot less common than it used to be.

Re: No, you are not "running late", you are rude & selfish

#107

Post by stuaxo »

jbm wrote: post #26

While I agree with the comment in general, my norm is to immediately cancel and reschedule or go on without the person. The victimization aspect (3 wasted hours) could also be avoided by not passively sitting and waiting to start.

Yeah - surely there were other things happening during that day, to do?

Also, mobile phones .. the person being late will generally call (and maybe during 3 hours (!!) the person waiting might ring and find out whats going on).

Waiting, doing nothing for 3 hours and then complaining about it seems a bit passive aggressive, I think I would wait an hour tops.

Re: No, you are not "running late", you are rude & selfish

#108

Post by stuaxo »

JangoSteve wrote: post #40

I don't know why, but at some point I just stopped sweating this sort of thing. When others are late to a meeting, it doesn't really bother me. When someone cuts me off in traffic, whateva. These are all small things that just aren't worth the effort of getting upset. I told her I have been coming to you for 15 years but don’t take me for granted. ... Me? Am I ever late? Sure, sometimes. That’s inevitable even with t…

> But I never plan to be late.

I like this idea... everybody else is planning to be late just to annoy the OP.

Although TBH they seem quite easy to wind up... I wouldn't be suprised if from now on everybody that needs to meet them wouldn't do just that :)

Re: No, you are not "running late", you are rude & selfish

#109

Post by stuaxo »

loewenskind wrote: post #97
drusenko wrote: post #53

It's helpful to define what "being late" means. My rule of thumb is 0-5 minutes late is "on time", 5-10 minutes late is "OK but not great", 10-15 minutes late is "somewhat rude" and 15+ minutes late is "very rude". One thing that annoys me to no end: people who are very early. If I plan my schedule carefully around you being there at 2pm (or later) and you show up 20 minutes early, you are going to sit around for 20…

>and I'll feel like an asshole Why? I would try to make it as uncomfortable for them as possible so they don't do that anymore.

Sounds like a great basis for friendship and personal relationships (although maybe these are "productivity obstacles" too?)

Re: No, you are not "running late", you are rude & selfish

#110

Post by stuaxo »

nradov wrote: post #33
drivebyacct2 wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Prioritization is necessary when demands > resources (time).

That's not a valid reason. If you can't show up on time then don't agree to the appointment in the first place.

I don't think when your making the appointment you know that you'll be late... otherwise you would schedule for another time - it's not a big conspiracy by the tardy after all.

If I didn't make appointments when I knew there'd be a 20-30% chance of me turning up late I'd make no appointments at all.

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