Empathy isn't the ability to say "I understand." Empathy is admitting that, sometimes, you don't understand, but you'll still try and be appropriately supportive.
I believe that is closer to the definition of "sympathy".
What is empathy?
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Re: What is empathy?
#12Empathy isn't the ability to say "I understand." Empathy is admitting that, sometimes, you don't understand, but you'll still try and be appropriately supportive.
You state a position, but don't present any argument to support it. You seem to contradict the dictionary definition[1], so what are you basing your definition on? Why is that a better definition and how does that relate to the research in this article? [1] "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another"
I don't agree with the notion that you need to "understand" to be empathetic. If a friend tells me that they're going through a rough time I feel like it's disingenuous for me to tell them that I understand their situation, even if I myself have been through difficult periods. I can't and don't feel like I should give the impression I can understand the nuance of their situation. I've found it's much more productive to be supportive in situations like that by saying things like, "I know I can't understand fully what you're going through right now, but that sounds really hard and if I can help in any way please let me know" versus "Yeah, I understand what you're dealing with."
If empathy is putting yourself in another person's shoes and that's the understood general definition... I don't think it's genuine to say that, "Yes, in these few seconds/minutes/hours since you've told me your problem I have gone through the effort of visualizing life from your perspective and I now understand all of your issues." Even if "I understand" is communicated with good intentions I feel like it rarely looks to productive discussion.
Re: What is empathy?
#13This is an ongoing discussion I have with many people. There is a weird idea that empathy is something that makes you good. In reality what it is is neither good nor bad. It's the ability to put yourself in the emotional state of someone else to understand things not only from their rational point of view but from the point of view of them as humans with both irrational (emotional) and rational perspectives. It can b…
The difference is between empathy and compassion. Just because I understand doesn't mean I care.
And the opposite is true; I can care without understanding.
Re: What is empathy?
#14"But an empathy box," he said, stammering in his excitement, "is the most personal possession you have! It's an extension of your body; it's the way you touch other humans, it's the way you stop being alone."
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? Philip K. Dick
Re: What is empathy?
#15Empathy isn't the ability to say "I understand." Empathy is admitting that, sometimes, you don't understand, but you'll still try and be appropriately supportive.
That's sympathy. You're thinking of sympathy. Not empathy.
Re: What is empathy?
#16Earlier quoted context omitted.
You state a position, but don't present any argument to support it. You seem to contradict the dictionary definition[1], so what are you basing your definition on? Why is that a better definition and how does that relate to the research in this article? [1] "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another"
I don't agree with the notion that you need to "understand" to be empathetic. If a friend tells me that they're going through a rough time I feel like it's disingenuous for me to tell them that I understand their situation, even if I myself have been through difficult periods. I can't and don't feel like I should give the impression I can understand the nuance of their situation. I've found it's much more productive…
Well, empathy is a word with a definition, not a directive as to what is helpful to do.
Empathy is the ability to replay another person's state in your mind so that you can understand it. It's not directly connected to what you do with that information, though. You can just as much use empathy to manipulate someone since it lets you model mental states well.
In your particular example, if what you say is true, having empathy would mean understanding that the person probably wouldn't care for you to tell them that you understand. :P
Re: What is empathy?
#17This is an ongoing discussion I have with many people. There is a weird idea that empathy is something that makes you good. In reality what it is is neither good nor bad. It's the ability to put yourself in the emotional state of someone else to understand things not only from their rational point of view but from the point of view of them as humans with both irrational (emotional) and rational perspectives. It can b…
> There is a weird idea that empathy is something that makes you good.
It's a pretty heavy prerequisite. A lot of bad things can be traced to people not understanding other people, or refusing to understand them (dehumanization). It's sufficiently fundamental and a common problem that I'm not sure how big the cohort of emphatic-but-manipulative people is. It certainly exists, but there are other issues mixed in there, such as moral detachment (i.e., people who decided they're not interested in being good).
I believe pretty much all of your typical -isms (sexism, racism, homophobia) are rooted in lack of empathy towards groups that one is physically unable to be part of. Most people don't have active empathy ability (i.e., modeling people not like them), they just empathize with their own experience only. That's why your otherwise normal people can end up with very problematic beliefs.
Empathy also requires you to understand the world in a more complete way, which also tends to break down quite a range of rationalizations, and rationalizations can lead to a lot of evil, as well.
So while you're technically right that empathy is merely a tool, it's a very major tool, and I've found people with relationship problems who are telling me they have no empathy, don't know how to do it, don't want to do it, are pretty much a dead end.
If I had a button that could suddenly make lots of people more empathetic, I would absolutely press it and be convinced that it'd make the world a much, much better place.
Re: What is empathy?
#18This is an ongoing discussion I have with many people. There is a weird idea that empathy is something that makes you good. In reality what it is is neither good nor bad. It's the ability to put yourself in the emotional state of someone else to understand things not only from their rational point of view but from the point of view of them as humans with both irrational (emotional) and rational perspectives. It can b…
I think when most people talk about empathy as a good attribute, what they really mean is the capacity for empathy.
Re: What is empathy?
#19This is an ongoing discussion I have with many people. There is a weird idea that empathy is something that makes you good. In reality what it is is neither good nor bad. It's the ability to put yourself in the emotional state of someone else to understand things not only from their rational point of view but from the point of view of them as humans with both irrational (emotional) and rational perspectives. It can b…
> There is a weird idea that empathy is something that makes you good. It's a pretty heavy prerequisite. A lot of bad things can be traced to people not understanding other people, or refusing to understand them (dehumanization). It's sufficiently fundamental and a common problem that I'm not sure how big the cohort of emphatic-but-manipulative people is. It certainly exists, but there are other issues mixed in there…
The problem with your belief is that you are assuming that it's easy to define sexism, racism, homophobia. The reality is that what a lot of people think are ex one of those three just aren't. Very few people are any of those things in any meaningful way.
In fact I would claim that your belief is exactly part of the problem in that you confuse empathy with some ethical/moral idea and end up thinking that you have the right interpretation and can judge whether someone is racist, sexist etc.
Re: What is empathy?
#20https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Thanks for sharing, powerful stuff. Reminded me of the film "Waking Life" a little.