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Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

gizmodo.com

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Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#31

Post by bearcherian »

> researchers then looked at 736 online reviews left by parents and kids (ages 8 to 19) of 37 parental control apps available on Google Play

Wait, so their source of data is Google Play reviews?!

The title of the article makes it seem that there is a one-to-one correlation between the app and the impact on the relationship, but the author herself says "The takeaway here is that parents should not treat parental control apps as a magic bullet to keep their teens safe online". So, this is really about parents who use these apps as the sole parenting device without doing any parenting and interacting with their child themselves. I mean, if you don't try to have a relationship with your kid, you're not going to have a good relationship with your kid.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#32

Post by marsrover »

I'm having a daughter soon and plan on white listing websites through the router. I don't plan to monitor anything but I do know there are things out there that would be detrimental for her to see.

We will add sites to the white list as we go.

Just to be clear, at a certain age I will give her full access.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#33

Post by throwaway84742 »

asaph wrote: post #28
throwaway84742 wrote: post #15

Here are my results so far: 1. MS Family Safety: can be easily turned off by the child 2. Kaspersky Safe Kids: doesn’t really work at all. 3. Qustodio: doesn’t block apps, so kinda useless. It blocks some, but not others. I would pay good money for something that does work. As things are now, my 14 yo can only use his computer under adult supervision to do his homework. Otherwise he doesn’t do it at all. I don’t even…

What would you have done at his age? Would you have done your homework promptly or played video games first? Did you ever skip your homework altogether? Be honest.

Computers were primitive when I was his age, but I did have one. I never had any problems with homework. The context here is that I did not grow up in the US, and not doing one’s homework and having shitty grades was not “socially acceptable“ in the peer group. My son is not as fortunate.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#35

Post by throwaway84742 »

mieseratte wrote: post #27
throwaway84742 wrote: post #15

Here are my results so far: 1. MS Family Safety: can be easily turned off by the child 2. Kaspersky Safe Kids: doesn’t really work at all. 3. Qustodio: doesn’t block apps, so kinda useless. It blocks some, but not others. I would pay good money for something that does work. As things are now, my 14 yo can only use his computer under adult supervision to do his homework. Otherwise he doesn’t do it at all. I don’t even…

If you're lucky, you'll accidentally turn your child into a hacker.

I’m ok with that. At least it’s better than “YouTube watcher”, or “Minecraft player”.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#36

Post by erispoe »

marsrover wrote: post #32

I'm having a daughter soon and plan on white listing websites through the router. I don't plan to monitor anything but I do know there are things out there that would be detrimental for her to see. We will add sites to the white list as we go. Just to be clear, at a certain age I will give her full access.

I'm curious, what do you think is the right age to give full access?

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#37

Post by sathackr »

erispoe wrote: post #13
nickthegreek wrote: post #6

When I was a young boy in the 90s, my libertarian aligned father let me use the computer and access the internet. He explained to me that I shouldn't visit certain type of sites, I should never give out my name or address and that he had software installed to monitor what happened on the computer. He explained that this wasn't a breach of trust between us as I was using his equipment and that I had to abide by his ru…

It's not so much about the breach of trust than about raising independent, well-functioning individuals. There's good evidence than sheltering kids and not allowing them to experiment on their own terms, including by experiencing the consequences of their own actions, does not create well adapted adults. Parents who install monitoring systems are prioritizing their own short-term well-being and peace of mind at the e…

What consequences could you imagine a parent should allow a 10 year old to experience?

The consequences of an abnormal sexual development or an unhealthy attitude towards females due to stumbling across hardcore porn and becoming addicted to it at a young age?

The consequences of mistaking someone on the internet as a friend and giving them your full address and name so they could bring you ice cream?

There are things on the internet that a young mind is not sufficiently developed to handle, and the consequences of exposure can last a lifetime. Hell, there are things on the internet that most adult minds are not capable of handling. Some things cannot be 'unseen'.

By installing a monitoring and filtering system and informing my child of this and developing in him an idea of what is acceptable and appropriate and what is not and protecting him from potentially life-altering harm.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#38

Post by jackvalentine »

sathackr wrote: post #37
erispoe wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not so much about the breach of trust than about raising independent, well-functioning individuals. There's good evidence than sheltering kids and not allowing them to experiment on their own terms, including by experiencing the consequences of their own actions, does not create well adapted adults. Parents who install monitoring systems are prioritizing their own short-term well-being and peace of mind at the e…

What consequences could you imagine a parent should allow a 10 year old to experience? The consequences of an abnormal sexual development or an unhealthy attitude towards females due to stumbling across hardcore porn and becoming addicted to it at a young age? The consequences of mistaking someone on the internet as a friend and giving them your full address and name so they could bring you ice cream? There are thing…

> By installing a monitoring and filtering system and informing my child of this and developing in him an idea of what is acceptable and appropriate and what is not and protecting him from potentially life-altering harm.

I think OP's point though is at what cost?

It's a given that protecting kids from harm is good, but to be convincing in your case I want to see that you can enumerate the downsides and state why they're good tradeoffs.

Too often do I see courses of action being advocated for because they're short term "obviously" right.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#39

Post by briandear »

As a parent of four little kids, my biggest concern is really that they understand consequences of online activity (sharing data for example.) An app generally doesn’t teach that — it’s called “parenting.”

“Find my Friends” on iPhone is also nice, just for safety but not as a tool for helicopter parenting. My wife and I have it enabled on our devices for each other, but it’s rarely used — it’s just an additional layer of safety. It’s especialy great if I am out in the hills climbing — if I get hurt, at least she has my last known location.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#40

Post by marsrover »

erispoe wrote: post #36
marsrover wrote: post #32

I'm having a daughter soon and plan on white listing websites through the router. I don't plan to monitor anything but I do know there are things out there that would be detrimental for her to see. We will add sites to the white list as we go. Just to be clear, at a certain age I will give her full access.

I'm curious, what do you think is the right age to give full access?

I haven't really decided yet. Right now I'm leaning toward 15. Hopefully by then we have mapped out a vast majority of the sites she actually uses and it's not much of a transition.
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