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The Key to Good Luck Is an Open Mind

nautil.us

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Re: The Key to Good Luck Is an Open Mind

#111

Post by jschwartzi »

expertentipp wrote: post #63
hokus wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I take it as a design question. Do we want a society designed for people who like to interact or do we want to design it after the desire for limiting interaction as much as possible? One time, on a crowded train, an elderly lady just started talking about her visit to her lovely grandchildren and what they had been up to since her last visit. It wasn't a short story and to her it was the most fascinating experience…

> She kept staring at him and kept telling him to just go away, go be miserable some place else, don't expect us to share your misery From my experience it’s females are more likely to use this argumentation to marginalize the enemy - “nobody wants you, you are alone, go away loser”, etc. Someone might not want to share your misery some time in the future, elderly lady.

My god, what will they do next? Start wearing clothes?

Re: The Key to Good Luck Is an Open Mind

#112

Post by jehlakj »

RangerScience wrote: post #103
jehlakj wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Step one is crucial if you can’t take rejections lightly. However, a lot of people are shy and they tend to look away. I’d say just man up and skip it. But do know when to stop if the other party isn’t reciprocating either through lack of interest or body language.

No, don't skip it, particularly in random situations. If someone isn't making _actual_ eye contact with you, they're not open to being talked to. Simple as that. If you're good enough at reading body language and talking to random people that this advice doesn't seem true.... this is probably not advice that you need. If you're like me and couldn't figure out how to determine this through other means - or are rather…

Well, it's pretty obvious when you shouldn't approach. For example, they may be walking quickly possibly deeply preoccupied with something. Basically if you have to step out of your way to introduce yourself, it's probably not the best time.

But in certain situations like waiting in line at starbucks, people nearby don't usually make eye contact. It's a bit too close and uncomfortable to even begin making eye contact unless they're at least 5-8 peoples away. People seem to glance away more often in close proximity, and it's harder to look back (just my experience when I try to make eye contact with someone). And if you find them mindlessly on their phone or staring at nothing in particular, it doesn't hurt to start a conversation.

It's really important that you shouldn't have to look like you're trying to start a conversation. It should just flow and be effortless. Having said that, I have the deepest respect for people who have gone out of their way to talk to strangers and getting rejected. I always thought it was stupid, but once you have seen it in person, it's a different story. They know they have a small chance, but they play their cards anyway. Most people don't have the confidence to do this, like me.

Re: The Key to Good Luck Is an Open Mind

#113

Post by jschwartzi »

bad-joke wrote: post #86
gowld wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's more like "Seek and you shall find". Or "the last place you look is the first place you find." You might be lucky enough to be born on top of a geyser of bubbling crude. If not, you need to go prospecting, not sit and wait for it to come to you.

This type of "seeking" behavior is easier to justify when you can afford to take more risks. Consider the stock market adage "Never invest what you can't afford to lose."

Travel the farthest afield when you have nothing left to lose.

Re: The Key to Good Luck Is an Open Mind

#115

Post by taysix »

hokus wrote: post #55
gradys wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I guess it depends on what version of the social contact you think we're all operating with. I'd say the quite minor inconvenience of someone ahead of you in line trying to start a conversation is part of what you sign up for when you go out in public. That is, as long as the initiator is prepared to take the hint when it's clear you don't want to talk.

I take it as a design question. Do we want a society designed for people who like to interact or do we want to design it after the desire for limiting interaction as much as possible? One time, on a crowded train, an elderly lady just started talking about her visit to her lovely grandchildren and what they had been up to since her last visit. It wasn't a short story and to her it was the most fascinating experience…

That was a lovely story. It really resonated with me. Thanks for sharing!

Re: The Key to Good Luck Is an Open Mind

#117

Post by Schwolop »

fcbrooklyn wrote: post #97
microtherion wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I don't talk to random people much, but I do get asked for directions all the time, even though I'm a 6'2 guy. Same for me (Even when I'm in a city for the first time). My theory was that there is a primate instinct to look for tall males for leadership — I'm calling it Silverback Syndrome .

Weird. I'm a 6 foot tall male, and I also get asked for directions a lot. The most recent absurdity was in Paris Now, I have spent a total of maybe two weeks in Paris in twenty years, I can get by in french, but it must sound like nails on a chalkboard to a native speaker, and I'm pretty obviously american once I open my mouth. Even so, the lady who asked my advice stayed right there while I looked up the address on…

http://professormarkvanvugt.com/images/files/heighlteadeship... is a good summary of this well-accepted effect. There are strong correlations between height and income, military rank, likelihood to be a manager, etc.

Re: The Key to Good Luck Is an Open Mind

#118

Post by Schwolop »

gowld wrote: post #75
frgtpsswrdlame wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But that's what I'm saying in my comment, I even directly address the issue of hard work. To be a hard worker implies all sorts of luck on its own. If you're a hard worker you've probably grown up in an environment where either the value of hard work was present and its importance was impressed on you explicitly or you've learned implicitly by having contact with hard workers and contact with not hard workers where t…

It's more like "Seek and you shall find". Or "the last place you look is the first place you find." You might be lucky enough to be born on top of a geyser of bubbling crude. If not, you need to go prospecting, not sit and wait for it to come to you.

But isn't luck is being in the right place at the right time? If so, a sensible approach is to find the right place and just hang around...

(Unless the right time was last week, in which case you're out of luck.)

Re: The Key to Good Luck Is an Open Mind

#119

Post by Woberto »

da02 wrote: post #67
phil21 wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Life experiences and personal growth. Opening yourself up to others (especially interesting others!) and entering their world is about the only way I've seen humans reliably grow and change as individuals. Something I wish I would have learned and internalized at a much younger age!

Oh ok. Thanks for clearing that up. I thought you meant stuff like skydiving. Can you give an example of "personal growth"? (I'm not sure what exactly that is, but I think I need lots of that.)

Maybe learning new things by hearing others' perspectives and experiences? I often need to remind myself to think more about how others feel and think since I'm accustomed to staying in my own head. Talking with somebody even briefly often enlightens me to interesting things

Re: The Key to Good Luck Is an Open Mind

#120

Post by Retra »

microtherion wrote: post #94
mattmanser wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The initial interaction is the point for that, not just never speaking to any one. If they politely or brusquely brush you off, it's harassment if you continue. Not for the initial interaction. There's also loads of non-verbal cues which guide you to who's open to talking to or not. I don't talk to random people much, but I do get asked for directions all the time, even though I'm a 6'2 guy. I think mainly because I'…

> I don't talk to random people much, but I do get asked for directions all the time, even though I'm a 6'2 guy. Same for me (Even when I'm in a city for the first time). My theory was that there is a primate instinct to look for tall males for leadership — I'm calling it Silverback Syndrome .

Could just be a learned behavior; Humans are born short and all the adults are tall.
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