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It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

bbc.co.uk

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Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#71

Post by sidlls »

isolli wrote: post #3

My wife and I believe our daughter has a (thankfully) mild form of autism. It took us a while, but when the realization came, it was a relief, as we stopped being angry at her and at ourselves: 1) hopefully we did not do anything wrong to cause this, and 2) it is not our daughter's fault that she behaves this way. We did not get a specific diagnostic, and I'm not sure it's worth seeking one. As far as I know, the dia…

For us the diagnosis is a formality and a means to another end: access to resources in our child's school, protection for him from punishing him due to behavior that is a result of his condition, and formal recognition by our insurer to ease accepting claims for his therapy.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#72

Post by TomK32 »

cookiecaper wrote: post #10

Autism, like cancer, is not a single thing. Toward the start of the spectrum, including Asperger's, it seems to be essentially "clinically-significant weirdness, not otherwise specified" (on the later end of the spectrum, it's "major or profound mental retardation, not otherwise specified"). A more productive discussion might be why we feel the need to pathologize so much about ourselves. Why do we need a person to l…

Right, we all just stop playing with legos, spend more time at the playground and don't do math before the age of 5 and no more autism?

Sorry mate but cancer is something you develop later on and can influence with your lifestyle, Autism is something that burnt into your brain from the very start.

When you say diagnosis-as-scapegoat your probably refer to an increase of diagnosis, but that is simply explained by the increased knowledge of the condition.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#73

Post by mercer »

fwip wrote: post #68
mercer wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with you to the extent that it might not benefit the client to 'know' that their diagnosis is asperger's. It can be enough to be treated for the symptoms, as that's what will happen anyways. However, for the therapist it might matter more. There's some evidence, for example, that CBT, which is used for anxiety, among other things, can actually worsen the situation in someone who is on the spectrum. Furthermor…

I would be super interested to hear more about the contraindications of CBT for autism-spectrum people. A quick search is only turning up sites that are pro-CBT.

Yeah, CBT is still the default approach, AFAIK, and perhaps for good reasons.

I wish I had the article at hand, but as I recall the problem with CBT can be that it still focuses too much on the mind and thinking as a way to solve things, which can exacerbate the ASD tendency to, well, overthink in circles and get lost in (ineffective) rumination. I think the article argued that DBT could be better in those cases (perhaps because it's even more 'mindfulness/meditation' in nature??).

But I've also heard/read that DBT is kind of the Vue.js to psychology's React.js, in that it's 'New And Improved' but not quite as well-tested.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#74

Post by cacrawford »

bluetomcat wrote: post #50
olavk wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Being interested in science does not mean you have Aspergers. Neither does not having certain interests like sports or clubbing. Only a minority go to clubs anyway, so I don't even see why they are the "normal"? (I'm not disputing your self-diagnosis here, just pointing out choice of hobbies have nothing to do with it.)

I have never been formally diagnosed because autism is still not a thing in Eastern Europe, but the following self-assessment leads me to believe I am: 1. Constant fear of losing my belongings like keys, which leads me to check what's in my pocket every minute or two while I'm walking. 2. Overly obsessive about following a particular "ritual" for everyday stuff like washing my car or cleaning the house. Every small s…

I find it pretty common for people to tell me I'm not on the spectrum when I reveal it, as if in 5 minutes they have a better handle on me than I do. It's helped me understand just how annoying "mansplaining" can be (even when it's done by a woman.)

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#75

Post by bluetomcat »

TomK32 wrote: post #70
bluetomcat wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have never been formally diagnosed because autism is still not a thing in Eastern Europe, but the following self-assessment leads me to believe I am: 1. Constant fear of losing my belongings like keys, which leads me to check what's in my pocket every minute or two while I'm walking. 2. Overly obsessive about following a particular "ritual" for everyday stuff like washing my car or cleaning the house. Every small s…

That sounds more like OCD. You don't observe anything like sensoric hypersensitivity? or looking at peoples lips, not the eyes, when they talk? or somewhat lack of empathy and emotions? or a strong sense for justice?

Apart from communicating with very close friends and relatives, social interaction can be quite difficult and exhausting, to the point where I self-analyse what I have previously said, and how weirdly people may have received it. Only alcohol makes me more "social" to strangers. Strong sense for justice, yes.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#76

Post by DanBC »

BadCookie wrote: post #36
isolli wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks. We're only acting on it insofar as we read about it and try to find practical ways to deal with it. We're not going to medicate her! And when we discuss the topic, we always start with: "We believe that..."

It's not standard to medicate for autism, FYI. The standard recommendation is therapy (Applied Behavioral Analysis, occupational therapy, and speech therapy are most common). One benefit of a diagnosis is that often your insurance company will cover more therapy. The right next step is to get an actual diagnosis, in my opinion. You might be off-base in your suspicions, or it may turn out that your child is more affec…

> It's not standard to medicate for autism, FYI

Autistic people are routinely over-medicated, and that over medication one reason for the difference in life-span for autistic people.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#77

Post by sidlls »

blauditore wrote: post #11

Since the causes of autism are not really understood, it's defined and diagnosed based on behavior, or symptoms, if you will. Thus, is there an actual qualitative difference between "shy, socially anxious/clumsy" and autistic, except for the extent of those properties?

Absolutely. The autistic person will effectively understand social cues only at an academic level, after effort teaching him or her. Autists can also be shy or not, by the way.

They can interact freely and happily with others socially but miss cues in ways a shy person won't. For example, if a shy person has overcome their shyness and their play partner starts crying the shy person will empathize and possibly even try to get help, while the autistic person is as likely to simply walk away because their play partner is no longer providing stimulus.

It's difficult to describe in a comment on HN, but even mildly autistic behavior in this regard is very obviously different from normal behavior.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#78

Post by AnIdiotOnTheNet »

dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

In society we often interpret certain traits as moral failings, but if we put a label on it and make it a condition those traits become a result of bad luck instead of weak character.

The label has a net-positive value in that it can allow others, and yourself, to forgive more easily. Now if we could just learn to forgive without the labels, that'd be really valuable.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#79

Post by dkarl »

wccrawford wrote: post #58
dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

Many people struggle with the idea that they're different than others, especially in ways that society in general considers "less". "Less socially adept", for example. With a professional saying that they have a condition that's beyond their control, and labeling it for them, it helps them say "I'm different, but it's not my fault." It shouldn't matter. Be different if you want to. Don't give in to peer pressure. But…

Be different if you want to. Don't give in to peer pressure.

I think it was easier when I just saw it as peer pressure. In fact, I think the teenage maelstrom of awful social bullshit made it too easy for me to hope that maybe I wasn't the problem. Then everyone grew up, people got a lot nicer, and I had to face up to the fact that I was constantly screwing up social situations that should be very easy for everyone involved. Encountering someone friendly at a social event who wants to talk to me and is curious about where I'm from and what I do. Seeing someone who feels awkward and out of place in a situation where the right words from me could put them at ease and make them feel welcome. After talking to me these people can feel less comfortable than they did before, and not eager for a second encounter. A poor social performance can undermine good feelings and compound bad ones. When I was a kid and was a misfit for a lot of reasons, many of them positive, I could frame it as simply "not fitting in," but now I have every advantage and every opportunity and I realize I still have to be right on top of my game to avoid bringing bad feelings into the world for other people.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#80

Post by stochastic_monk »

dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

I suffered from a wide range of psychiatric conditions as a child/teenager. When I finally accepted my diagnosis, it all made sense. I understood why I was in so much pain for so long and I realized I wasn’t crazy, I just had a few tendencies that clustered together to cause the difficulties I was experiencing.
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