Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic? • Hacker News Board

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#161

Post by DougN7 » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 8:23 PM UTC

hestipod wrote: post #34

snarf21 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is a real problem. I also think you can take baby steps to address this. Find a hobby whether gardening or board games or kayaking or whatever. It is hard to make friends as you get older except (imo) around hobbies. People will gladly talk endless about their favorite thing. This might not lead to a bff but it is a real human connection based on shared interest. This hobby might not be in your village, you may ha…

Well there is the rub...I can't do the hobbies I enjoy because of physical health or money or both. The other things that might provide SOME diversion or evolve into new hobbies aren't accessible here because I am isolated rurally. Driving for an hour requires borrowing a car, paying for gas and expenses and fearing a breakdown which I would have to pay for, creating more pain with the 2 hours of travel which sucks u…

I'm not in your boat, but you're perfectly describing my wife. I don't know why life has to be so hard for some people. I don't have any advice - just wanted to validate you and let you know someone out here 'gets it'. Just keep doing the best you can with whatever is possible each day.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#162

Post by lifeformed » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 8:23 PM UTC

atomical wrote: post #106

doughj3 wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The church may be looking for those things; the churchgoers, however, not so much.

Q: Would you like to become a member? A: No thank you. I'm an atheist who is just here for the social interaction and community. How does this end well?

A good one would enthusiastically welcome people like that.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#163

Post by dang » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 8:24 PM UTC

owebmaster wrote: post #157

eeZah7Ux wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Much better. "we are prone to hide our mental health and true feelings/emotions" sounds like it's nature rather than nurture. [EDIT: why the downvotes, again?]

I'm asking the same myself. But we all know the answer. HN is a dictatorial space that uses censorship to unify its opinion in a liberal banner. If you have progressive ideas you are out of the club.

That's not true! lots of people here have progressive ideas. Lots of people on the other sides, too, of course. The community is divided because society is divided.

It is true that the political battle style of comment tends to get flagged and downvoted, because it's bad for the intellectual curiosity that HN exists for. But it's still possible to have thoughtful conversation about such ideas; it just unfortunately tends to degenerate quickly into not-so-thoughtful.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#164

Post by hestipod » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 8:25 PM UTC

marnett wrote: post #143

hestipod wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Gradually then suddenly" This phrase, it's context, and your follow up thought have affected me in a raw and uncomofortable way I wasn't expecting today.

In what ways? I'm interested to hear what it made you think of.

It just connected with the losses and changes of getting older and less self sufficient, and how those have been magnified in me since I was struck down before 30 with serious health issues so I experienced them earlier than I should have. It's hard to believe how long its been looking back. I feel my life sort of froze in many ways and the wounds most definitely haven't healed with time.

"Gradually, then suddenly" just seems to fit this and so many aspects of life. I suspect many people can relate.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#165

Post by marnett » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 8:25 PM UTC

davesque wrote: post #128

heydonovan wrote: post #86

As someone that struggles with this, I've noticed a sort of pattern for those who suffer from loneliness as well. Just some observations from a few of my friends that would identify with loneliness too: 1. We either work from home, or work the night shift. Even working the second shift has had such a detrimental effect in terms of no longer going out for happy hours, never having conversations in passing, and never g…

I wonder about the exercise thing. For the past few years, I've exercised fairly frequently. And, yet, I still struggle with feelings of loneliness and depression. I think exercise helps a little but maybe less than people like to imagine. As you imply with your other points, you probably have to address loneliness on multiple fronts in order to have a lasting impact on it.

There are a slew of research papers on the benefits of exercise for the clinically depressed, anxious, etc [1]. Most of the research boils down to the fact that, with enough rigor in the exercise regime (typically linked to one's heart rate passing a specific threshold), endorphins are released in the brain, providing a similar positive feeling as would morphine.

Of course, exercise will not cure depression, or remove loneliness altogether. But, as I'm sure you know, battling depression is more about having a repertoire of daily habits that shift one's focus to the positive aspects of life. There is no silver bullet, and it truly is a daily effort to ensure positivity, and more importantly self-love, is reached.

[1] https://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=endorphins+exercise+dep...

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#166

Post by castlecrasher2 » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 8:27 PM UTC

hestipod wrote: post #89

castlecrasher2 wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Alternately, people who give advice likely experienced similar issues and overcame them. I sure have, and would echo the same recommendations, but like I was, OP just gives excuses why he can't do the simplest thing like recalibrating hobby expectations. OP is reaching out for compassion but with such a tiny social net only internet strangers can help, and what else can they do but suggest their own life experiences?…

I disagree with this notion advice is mostly rooted in similar experience. 15 years of anecdata anyway have shown me differently. It's mostly rooted in well meaning of course, and I am not implying people are being malicious or anything. People do commonly ignore relevant issues that change the playing field in any given situation. Also when you do meet others in bad situations that have overcome there is a strong su…

Yes, I certainly appreciate you downplaying the mental issues I've had to overcome. I've certainly had external intervention but I feel that you suggesting my recovery is simply "survivor bias" is diminishing my experience in favor of making yourself feel better.

Your problems-barring your physical issues-aren't unique; you need your community, you need hobbies, but you say "Been saying for ages I am gonna lay the story out here and hope for some miracle plan" as if someone else is going to tell you your story. How will your life be fixed unless you fix it?

And don't mistake my church suggestion for preaching religion. If your community has social events you could otherwise attend, go for it.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#167

Post by throwaway44442 » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 8:30 PM UTC

I am an extremely lonely person, to the point where I'm suicidal, and I can't say I can pinpoint the cause, only that it's psychological(duh!). I can't equate my extreme introvertism with the rise of technology, in fact I believe that without the rise of technology I'd probably have already killed myself. This way I've managed to get a job despite my social and emotional inpetitude and felt at least a small part of belonging, that I'm at least somewhat "normal", not that it helped much. I don't think when it comes to depression and loneliness that anything has changed when it comes to people, but instead the internet has provided a place where we can write self-loathing walls of which has brought this ever-present issue to the worlds attention, which is in line with the article's message.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#168

Post by jij290sdj » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 8:30 PM UTC

oldcynic wrote: post #52

Interesting. No one has yet mentioned today's lack of community. We don't share a sense of place any more, we move around from job to job, families spread around the country or globe. We rarely share an emotional connection and sense of place with our neighbours that our grandparents would have known. We haven't even kept the sense of virtual community that the BBS's had - social networks amplify dissent and engageme…

We seem convinced that pushing people to go out in the world, settle into family life, and such is what we should be shooting for.

But a lot of this comes from traditional values/plant boundaries for acceptable social patterns.

Perhaps we really need more alone time and less forced "sell yourself to survive."

Human societies seem to be full of stretches of coming together, then short, traumatic periods of divisiveness, that end with new norms. We seem to be in something like that now.

There's literally no where else to go. We'll still tacitly be around one another. I can't help but think though, that our culture is pushing "socialize at X level" because of the modern wins: it enforces adherence to popular meme. It's like religion and missionary work; socialize a lot, get in someone's face with your ideas, always be peddling it.

What if it's not a literal loneliness we need, but ideological? To reclaim our imaginations. Power up an ability to imagine and think for ourselves, that's yanked away by Slack dings, and hitting next quarters metrics.

We over socialized. Is it a dramatic pullback and loss of shared community?

Hardly. That may be what you feel, but outside your feelings, I don't see it. Honestly, I'm all about not having to be in people's faces or here them as much as I do.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#169

Post by marnett » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 8:31 PM UTC

machinecontrol wrote: post #3

Sometimes I feel like social media actually makes us more lonely and disconnected from others.

It is. Get off of it. Ask cashiers how they are doing before they talk to you. Smile at strangers. Make small talk when standing around. Eventually you will find someone who is not indoctrinated into these isolation chambers tossed at us by corporations profiting off of our attention. When you do find someone on the same wavelength (perhaps it might be me!) you can enjoy, even if briefly, a real human interaction - eye contact, smiling, and general positivity in this increasingly more digitized, isolated world.

Write letters to your loved ones. Ask friends out to get coffee or dinner to talk about life.

The world needs more ludd-lights (my term for luddites, but not so extreme) now more than ever.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#170

Post by marnett » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 8:32 PM UTC

anvandare wrote: post #32

"You see, loneliness is the price we have to pay for being born in this modern age, so full of freedom, independence, and our own egotistical selves." - Sōseki, Kokoro

Do you recommend this book? Is this a core theme of the novel? I've never heard of it, but I'd love to read about thoughts on social isolation caused from modernism that are 101 years old!