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Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

nytimes.com

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Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#71

Post by wccrawford »

billysielu wrote: post #17

If I wanted to be social I wouldn't even know where to start. There's nowhere to go to hang out and meet people. Folks work and then go home and stay in their houses (UK commuter town). The previous generation might have gone to the pub (bar) but those have been turned into restaurants so even that doesn't work anymore. I even start thinking about going online as the best available option to be RL social. horror I th…

Meetup.com. Find something you know or want to know, and join a group about it. Show up regularly. You'll get to know the others that show up regularly and being to bond with them.

I joined a Meetup group for learning Japanese and went a half dozen times, and then just stopped going. I still consider going back, and I feel a little bad for abandoning them... Even after like a year or 2 now. (I also want to continue learning Japanese, so that's some of the pull, but I feel bad about the people there, too.)

If you don't have a skill you want to learn or practice, there are groups for things like board games, too.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#72

Post by hestipod »

simion314 wrote: post #53
hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

Hi, I am in a similar situation, isolated in a village,I have disabilities, maybe we could exchange emails sometimes.

Hi. I am sorry to hear your situation is similar. My email is in my profile but I will be honest up front that I am dealing with so much right now that I wouldn't be a good friend and hate disappointing anyone so please don't expect much or feel slighted.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#74

Post by imoldfella »

hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

Go to church, what have you got to lose? With all its problems every church is filled with nice people and I guarantee with a few calls (probably 1) you will find someone that will pick you up and take you. No matter how rural you are, there is a church close by.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#75

Post by abledon »

hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

You'd really like the 3rd act of the movie "Certain Women" (2016). It's about rural life for people with small, or non-existent support nets.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#76

Post by gnode »

hinkley wrote: post #61
DoofusOfDeath wrote: post #41

I've heard an assertion that people on the Asperberg's-ish end of the autism spectrum are over-represented amongst software developers. If that's true, I wonder it's a contributing factor for some software developers having trouble making friends once they're out of school, especially once they have kids.

There’s something else called HSP which gets misdiagnosed as spectrum. Your senses are particularly intense and they behave badly when overextended. The difference is that in the morning they understand what they did wrong and leads to a cycle of guilt. This turns them into introverts. This difference also makes it hard to make friends because they expect a lot of insight conversationally and they pick up tells from…

The condition itself referred to as Sensory Processing Sensitivity:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_processing_sensitivity

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#77

Post by innocentoldguy »

colmvp wrote: post #57

I think loneliness is especially bad for men as we are prone to hide our mental health and true feelings/emotions, not seek medical attention when we need it, and generally have less intimate discussions with friends as compared to women. So a lot of men end up suffering loneliness for a long period of time without any emotional support. It feels like one of those things which creeps on you, and before you know it, y…

I agree with you regarding the benefits of finding a group to meet with. I was in an accident last year and shattered my spine. The place I worked fired me the very next day, right after I got out of surgery. I've spent a year now cooped up in my house. I've never been a very social individual, but a couple of months ago, I wandered down to a church building that is about a block from my house. The people were welcoming and I found myself going down there more and more frequently. They started offering free classes, about three weeks ago, on how to run your own business. Since it has been nigh unto impossible to find regular work, I started going to the classes to work on starting my own thing. I wasn't aware there was a problem with loneliness in my life until I started taking those classes and making friends with the other people attending. It has made an incredible difference.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#78

Post by doughj3 »

hestipod wrote: post #62
doughj3 wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> A "remote social life" is not even close to the same thing and chats online or the phone with "disposable friends" and strangers who have a clear and easy disconnect from your real life don't fill the hole a lack of enduring, present human contact leaves and usually take precious energy with no real benefit. Maybe this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Anecdotally, I and others I know have formed deep, meaningful rela…

I've been in this situation to worsening degrees for 15 years...It really upsets me to hear people say I am causing it (self fulfilling) or not doing it right. I am glad you were able to make connections online...it's not something that replaces that need in me. I need real life face to face interaction. It is also farther down the list than my immediate problems and having a new friend is not going to fix my life or…

You don't come off as rude and I didn't mean to imply you're causing it; sorry if my comment was upsetting. I was trying to point out that it's easy to get stuck in your kind of situation and become, for lack of a better word, pessimistic. Obviously everyone is different and, as you say, "online socialization" may just not fill that need for you (and others). Given the situation of relative isolation physically / geographically ("rural unconnected America"), I was only trying to offer the idea that connecting to people online can be possible for some, though it does take time and effort which may be hard to expend after years of feeling there is no return on that investment. Again, apologies if I painted with too broad a brush.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#79

Post by castlecrasher2 »

jsmthrowaway wrote: post #51
snarf21 wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I understand that it isn't an easy road but nothing is. Gardening or photography is a hobby you can start yourself with almost no cost and health isn't a real barrier. If there is no club, you could start one. Or maybe join the mall walking club which may also help with your physical health. There is something out there for you. You're worth it so put forth the effort. The return will surprise you.

I get you have good intentions, but be careful not to assume you have a handle on what the physical health troubles are, nor that you understand the exact circumstances preventing action that seem easily surmountable to you. It can be more harmful than good to suggest stuff like this if you've missed the mark in your assumptions, speaking as someone who experiences a lot of well-wishing advice for similar reasons. So…

Alternately, people who give advice likely experienced similar issues and overcame them. I sure have, and would echo the same recommendations, but like I was, OP just gives excuses why he can't do the simplest thing like recalibrating hobby expectations.

OP is reaching out for compassion but with such a tiny social net only internet strangers can help, and what else can they do but suggest their own life experiences? It sounds like OP has no family or friends to interact with let alone get help with tasks, so if he wants a good avenue of support then he should contact a local church asking for a ride to attend then get to know people there.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#80

Post by adamsea »

hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

Two quick thoughts - a language class or a cooking class. No idea if those would be appropriate to your circumstances, however they exist all over, in a variety of intensities, and are things on my own "to-do" list. Shared w/good intentions.
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