41–50 of 266 posts
If that's true, I wonder it's a contributing factor for some software developers having trouble making friends once they're out of school, especially once they have kids.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
It is a real problem. I also think you can take baby steps to address this. Find a hobby whether gardening or board games or kayaking or whatever. It is hard to make friends as you get older except (imo) around hobbies. People will gladly talk endless about their favorite thing. This might not lead to a bff but it is a real human connection based on shared interest. This hobby might not be in your village, you may ha…
Well there is the rub...I can't do the hobbies I enjoy because of physical health or money or both. The other things that might provide SOME diversion or evolve into new hobbies aren't accessible here because I am isolated rurally. Driving for an hour requires borrowing a car, paying for gas and expenses and fearing a breakdown which I would have to pay for, creating more pain with the 2 hours of travel which sucks u…
Gardening or photography is a hobby you can start yourself with almost no cost and health isn't a real barrier. If there is no club, you could start one. Or maybe join the mall walking club which may also help with your physical health. There is something out there for you. You're worth it so put forth the effort. The return will surprise you.
If I wanted to be social I wouldn't even know where to start. There's nowhere to go to hang out and meet people. Folks work and then go home and stay in their houses (UK commuter town). The previous generation might have gone to the pub (bar) but those have been turned into restaurants so even that doesn't work anymore. I even start thinking about going online as the best available option to be RL social. horror I th…
Even if you aren't religious, churches are a great way to meet new people. We have a few atheists who come to our church activities just for the social aspect of it and we are glad to have them.
http://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2018/01/23/the-loneliness-epidem...
Vivek Murthy, former surgeon general, answering to "Why is it important to use that word (epidemic)?"
> We have used the word 'epidemic' to refer to infectious diseases that have spread in populations, but what we see with loneliness is that it is impacting far more people than many of the infectious diseases that we have worried about in the past that we have termed epidemics. So, you know, this is an epidemic just by virtue of the sheer number of people that this is impacting and how significantly it has spread in the population.
This one is a little older but also relevant: http://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2017/03/23/men-middle-age-friend...
Loneliness might be the logical conclusion to a society going more and more towards metrics. Likes, dislikes, upvotes, downvotes. Dissenters are punished, perfection is idolized. Research is pretty conclusive that to have tight friendships you need vulnerability to some degree, yet if people want perfection that implies invulnerability . If you accept these premises to be true, then it seems loneliness is inevitable.…
I'd say poverty just amplifies the feeling of loneliness. Japan has the same problem of loneliness [0] and they have a pretty good Gini coefficient compared to the rest of the OECD.[1]
[0] https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/30/world/asia/japan-lonely-d...
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_income_eq...
Loneliness might be the logical conclusion to a society going more and more towards metrics. Likes, dislikes, upvotes, downvotes. Dissenters are punished, perfection is idolized. Research is pretty conclusive that to have tight friendships you need vulnerability to some degree, yet if people want perfection that implies invulnerability . If you accept these premises to be true, then it seems loneliness is inevitable.…
Research is pretty conclusive that to have tight friendships you need vulnerability to some degree I have to admit I don't quite understand this sentence, especially how research might define a "tight friendship" and "vulnerability". Can you provide some information about said research? This topic interests me.
Her research seems to be mostly qualitative rather than quantitative.
If I wanted to be social I wouldn't even know where to start. There's nowhere to go to hang out and meet people. Folks work and then go home and stay in their houses (UK commuter town). The previous generation might have gone to the pub (bar) but those have been turned into restaurants so even that doesn't work anymore. I even start thinking about going online as the best available option to be RL social. horror I th…
If you are at all bent that way I recommend the latter. Even if you don’t hit it off with anyone the positive energy is good for lifting your mood and improving your outlook.
If I wanted to be social I wouldn't even know where to start. There's nowhere to go to hang out and meet people. Folks work and then go home and stay in their houses (UK commuter town). The previous generation might have gone to the pub (bar) but those have been turned into restaurants so even that doesn't work anymore. I even start thinking about going online as the best available option to be RL social. horror I th…
The previous generation also went to church. A sizable minority of the current generations still do, though it seems to be impolite to discuss or recommend.
There's a completely nonsemantic point on lonliness causing physical ailments too, and I think the evidence here is as convincing as anything related to happiness and mental health.
Sometimes we think too hard. Put a chimp or sheep or donkey into a bad social setting (no peers, peers change daily, peers hate you...) and they will show signs of distress. Create an environment where these are more prevelant, the ailments will be more prevelant. People too.
Lonliness is related to people's relationship s. These have changed. Community is weaker, as our it's institutions. Modern society is more indivualistic, with less social obligation... or contact above a very basic level of commitment.
Do you send your kids to clean out ms hegarty's shed, because your aunt told you that she needs help and was good to your mum? Culture has changed, and many of the loneliness-combating relationships are gone.
IMO, corporate life has crowded out everything else. This is another point I'm confident about but can't substantiate: work relationships are very low nutrition, and they form most of many of our diets. Some people don't even have that.
On May's department of lonliness... What "normally" helps prevent lonliness, is friends, neighbors, family, community.... our modern world has a lot less of that. I don't think the answer is government institutions instead. I think the answer is social institutions. Maybe May should focus on cheerleading instead of doing, try to encourage social institutions that exist, or could.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Well there is the rub...I can't do the hobbies I enjoy because of physical health or money or both. The other things that might provide SOME diversion or evolve into new hobbies aren't accessible here because I am isolated rurally. Driving for an hour requires borrowing a car, paying for gas and expenses and fearing a breakdown which I would have to pay for, creating more pain with the 2 hours of travel which sucks u…
I understand that it isn't an easy road but nothing is. Gardening or photography is a hobby you can start yourself with almost no cost and health isn't a real barrier. If there is no club, you could start one. Or maybe join the mall walking club which may also help with your physical health. There is something out there for you. You're worth it so put forth the effort. The return will surprise you.
I really wish people would not do the "you have to work at it and it's worth it" thing as if someone in my position is lazy or doesn't want to have a better life. They keep throwing out things they think are so simple and obvious but can't seem to accept there are real, practical reasons certain things won't work. In addition you can't force someone to like something they simply don't just because it's "available". Please believe me that none of this is my lack of effort or attitude. Nobody would choose this life if there was a realistic way out but many people live like this. I do the best I can but it's crushing.