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Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

nytimes.com

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Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#31

Post by kneel »

billysielu wrote: post #17

If I wanted to be social I wouldn't even know where to start. There's nowhere to go to hang out and meet people. Folks work and then go home and stay in their houses (UK commuter town). The previous generation might have gone to the pub (bar) but those have been turned into restaurants so even that doesn't work anymore. I even start thinking about going online as the best available option to be RL social. horror I th…

I'd recommend taking an improv class, you'll build a lot of skills needed for spontaneous interactions. Commitment to building these skills will have a snowball effect on your social life.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#33

Post by azemetre »

billysielu wrote: post #17

If I wanted to be social I wouldn't even know where to start. There's nowhere to go to hang out and meet people. Folks work and then go home and stay in their houses (UK commuter town). The previous generation might have gone to the pub (bar) but those have been turned into restaurants so even that doesn't work anymore. I even start thinking about going online as the best available option to be RL social. horror I th…

I'm assuming you have neighbors, is there any reason why you can't invite them over for dinner, bake them something, or simply introduce yourself?

Where ever I've lived I always made friends with my neighbors. These are people you're next to every day and you share a living space, might as well get acquainted with them. No they aren't going to care about all your interests and hobbies, but then again most people in life won't either.

I think it's extremely healthy to have friends of different backgrounds and walks of life, and being friends with your neighbors is one way to do this.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#34

Post by hestipod »

snarf21 wrote: post #29
hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

It is a real problem. I also think you can take baby steps to address this. Find a hobby whether gardening or board games or kayaking or whatever. It is hard to make friends as you get older except (imo) around hobbies. People will gladly talk endless about their favorite thing. This might not lead to a bff but it is a real human connection based on shared interest. This hobby might not be in your village, you may ha…

Well there is the rub...I can't do the hobbies I enjoy because of physical health or money or both. The other things that might provide SOME diversion or evolve into new hobbies aren't accessible here because I am isolated rurally. Driving for an hour requires borrowing a car, paying for gas and expenses and fearing a breakdown which I would have to pay for, creating more pain with the 2 hours of travel which sucks up my endurance window and is a net loss. When you live in a city a 5-10min tram ride somewhere is a lot easier to endure and accesses so much more.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#35

Post by timesaving101 »

billysielu wrote: post #17

If I wanted to be social I wouldn't even know where to start. There's nowhere to go to hang out and meet people. Folks work and then go home and stay in their houses (UK commuter town). The previous generation might have gone to the pub (bar) but those have been turned into restaurants so even that doesn't work anymore. I even start thinking about going online as the best available option to be RL social. horror I th…

Try couch surfing. You can meet new people without much effort.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#36

Post by hestipod »

irremediable wrote: post #26
hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling with loneliness. Out of interest, how are you stuck? (Obviously, feel free not to indulge me if you'd rather not discuss your situation with a well-wishing but uninformed stranger.)

My life was destroyed by medical errors and my present situation is the culmination of things collapsing and not being able to shrink anymore. Been saying for ages I am gonna lay the story out here and hope for some miracle plan. Intend to post tomorrow morning. Was going to today (keep stalling out of fear of negative or null results, and things keep happening) but this morning my amazing 1mpbs spotty rural internet was out due to lightning so I missed the morning rush hour.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#37

Post by brbrodude »

truculation wrote: post #12

I'm conflicted about socialising. It seems at best shallow and trivial. At worst downright exploitative. It seems like a politician's game, or a gangster's. Yet occasionally I enjoy the warmth of catching up with an old friend. 'The ape-descendant will greet [me] in return, but in deference to a million years of evolution, he will not attempt to pick fleas off [me]; Earthmen are not proud of their ancestors and never…

Age? I'm a lifelong loner in a 'healthy sense', know plenty of people but could always pick when I wanted to do my stuff or meet people. At 30, I sort of became bored of my own company and now prefer to be with other people & forget about myself, it wasn't like this before. I'd just spend uncountable hours reading on everything and it really hooked me, reading, drawing, programming, learning history, documentaries... Like, everything. But I don't feel like this anymore, I think I dried my curiosity somewhat and have gotten fed up.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#38

Post by cpsempek »

_m8fo wrote: post #9

Loneliness might be the logical conclusion to a society going more and more towards metrics. Likes, dislikes, upvotes, downvotes. Dissenters are punished, perfection is idolized. Research is pretty conclusive that to have tight friendships you need vulnerability to some degree, yet if people want perfection that implies invulnerability . If you accept these premises to be true, then it seems loneliness is inevitable.…

Research is pretty conclusive that to have tight friendships you need vulnerability to some degree

I have to admit I don't quite understand this sentence, especially how research might define a "tight friendship" and "vulnerability". Can you provide some information about said research? This topic interests me.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#39

Post by colmvp »

machinecontrol wrote: post #3

Sometimes I feel like social media actually makes us more lonely and disconnected from others.

It's one of the reasons why I stopped logging into Facebook and Instagram a year ago. I realized I wasn't actually feeling better having used it and that the friends I truly cared about kept in touch via instant messaging / email.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#40

Post by agumonkey »

_m8fo wrote: post #9

Loneliness might be the logical conclusion to a society going more and more towards metrics. Likes, dislikes, upvotes, downvotes. Dissenters are punished, perfection is idolized. Research is pretty conclusive that to have tight friendships you need vulnerability to some degree, yet if people want perfection that implies invulnerability . If you accept these premises to be true, then it seems loneliness is inevitable.…

I wonder if metrics are not a conclusion to us.

We often see society as a problem, so more and more we try to loosen our need for it. We have more flexibility to move, now more flexibility to speak to people without having much ties with them. We don't have to care much or suffer them if we don't want to.

Maybe we're crossing a line of diminishing returns (if not the case for a while already).

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