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Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

nytimes.com

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Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#21

Post by hestipod »

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge numbers of older people in my previous work who were so terribly alone. It's hard enough when young.

A "remote social life" is not even close to the same thing and chats online or the phone with "disposable friends" and strangers who have a clear and easy disconnect from your real life don't fill the hole a lack of enduring, present human contact leaves and usually take precious energy with no real benefit. Even though I am an extremely introverted person by most standards I still need social connection to thrive and have felt the best living in big cites with lots of options but I can't find a way back.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#22

Post by gaius »

billysielu wrote: post #17

If I wanted to be social I wouldn't even know where to start. There's nowhere to go to hang out and meet people. Folks work and then go home and stay in their houses (UK commuter town). The previous generation might have gone to the pub (bar) but those have been turned into restaurants so even that doesn't work anymore. I even start thinking about going online as the best available option to be RL social. horror I th…

Check out your local Parkrun, most go to a local cafe or something afterwards and you have a built-in conversation starter. All ability levels welcome!

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#23

Post by maxxxxx »

kakarot wrote: post #11
Aaargh20318 wrote: post #7

If anything the opposite is true: severe lack of alone-time. I'm surrounded by humans all the time, even in your time alone you can't get away from people due to IM, social media, etc. I try to minimise the amount of social activity as much as possible, but I'm still getting overloaded and am slowly going crazy.

That's just your personal experience and not an objective one. I'm lonely for severe lack of being around humans all the time, and when I am around humans they're often distracted by some form of entertainment. There's nothing that indicates either of our experiences can be generalized.

"There's nothing that indicates either of our experiences can be generalized."

Please don't try to generalize. We all have very different needs and what works for one person doesn't work for the other. Acknowledgement and respect of this would be true diversity and inclusion.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#24

Post by placebo »

Aaargh20318 wrote: post #7

If anything the opposite is true: severe lack of alone-time. I'm surrounded by humans all the time, even in your time alone you can't get away from people due to IM, social media, etc. I try to minimise the amount of social activity as much as possible, but I'm still getting overloaded and am slowly going crazy.

it's not about the number of people you are surrounded by but the depth and nature of relationship with them. Wasting energy showing off one's own conformity and following other people's conformity to society's current trend for what makes you a valuable person is bound to eventually make you crazy.

I figure that If you have the bare necessities covered (roof over your head, enough income for surviving) then you're already in a good position to reassess and build your happiness on foundations which are more solid than how many likes you receive on social media.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#25

Post by jetrink »

billysielu wrote: post #17

If I wanted to be social I wouldn't even know where to start. There's nowhere to go to hang out and meet people. Folks work and then go home and stay in their houses (UK commuter town). The previous generation might have gone to the pub (bar) but those have been turned into restaurants so even that doesn't work anymore. I even start thinking about going online as the best available option to be RL social. horror I th…

When my friends moved away to pursue new jobs last year, I was left with no friends within 100 miles. I joined a club that plays board games together every Friday, a rock climbing gym and I started volunteering at a library. There are opportunies if you live in a large city and are open to new hobbies.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#26

Post by irremediable »

hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling with loneliness.

Out of interest, how are you stuck? (Obviously, feel free not to indulge me if you'd rather not discuss your situation with a well-wishing but uninformed stranger.)

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#27

Post by DrFell »

The media also tells people everything now. The truth is the accepted group opinion. Viral life truths. You must be in a relationship to be happy.

Also, this is conjecture, I think loneliness and despondent anxiety about not being in a relationship feel so similar, people mix them up.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#28

Post by majos »

_m8fo wrote: post #9

Loneliness might be the logical conclusion to a society going more and more towards metrics. Likes, dislikes, upvotes, downvotes. Dissenters are punished, perfection is idolized. Research is pretty conclusive that to have tight friendships you need vulnerability to some degree, yet if people want perfection that implies invulnerability . If you accept these premises to be true, then it seems loneliness is inevitable.…

As to your last point, I think metrics have heightened inequality in general. Friend/follower count, number of likes, retweets. It all lets you attach a number to popularity and likeability and makes for a quick and simple hierarchy. Loneliness is easy when you see socializing through the lens of who's good and who isn't (and just based on how popularity works, it's probable that a lot of your friends at least look more popular than you).

Of course there have always been more or less popular or liked people, but I seem to recall it stinging less when it wasn't readily quantifiable.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#29

Post by snarf21 »

hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

It is a real problem. I also think you can take baby steps to address this. Find a hobby whether gardening or board games or kayaking or whatever. It is hard to make friends as you get older except (imo) around hobbies. People will gladly talk endless about their favorite thing. This might not lead to a bff but it is a real human connection based on shared interest. This hobby might not be in your village, you may have to drive an hour but please do it. I think it will really really help.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#30

Post by overcast »

machinecontrol wrote: post #3

Sometimes I feel like social media actually makes us more lonely and disconnected from others.

It's not a feeling, it's a fact. We've created an entire generation of socially inept and depressed, due to only seeing the world through curated media. Tons of news coverage on this lately.
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