Ask HN: How to stop feeling depressed about whether you will be successful?

Secondly, I think it is also priority. What's important to you in life? For me, I think it would be my physical and mental health, my family and other things before money. What are your priorities? Is it your top priority to be successful? Or if your priorities are like mine then where are you with that?

Lastly you can try the "vertical arrow"[1] technique which keeps asking the question "What if it was true?". So as an example:

"I will never be successful"

-> "What if it was true?"

-> "I will never have money"

-> "What if it was true?"

-> "I will never be able to impress the ladies"

-> "What if it was true?"

-> "I'll be alone"

-> "What if it was true?"

-> "Everyone will think of me as total loser", etc.

-> "What if it was true?"

Then you write the rational explanation for each with the cognitive distortions in your thoughts. I'm not an expert but do try it maybe it will help you out. It certainly is very powerful stuff to fix your mood instantly.

[1] http://webedulab.org/ows/wca/beck/vert_atech.htm

Other than that? From your question the main thing would be to stop thinking about if you will be successful, as it is not a great way to be successful. Like happiness, successfulness is not a state you reach once and for all. You can be happy at work and depressed at home, successful at your gym while still not finding the right person on Tinder.

From this, here are three personal suggestions:

- Do not only focus on work. Being successful with your friends, your family, at sports, at learning (e.g. a new language), also matters. If you are stuck at work, always have a second area where you can progress during your free time. Doing sports and learning a new language are great activities because you cannot be stuck if you actually put effort in it, and then you can share (that matters so much) with buddies you see every week at your gym or online (e.g. on Reddit).

- Write down your core values and ambitions and put them somewhere you can read them every day. I have a few post-its right in front of me right now, written 6 months ago, and they affect my life in a positive way.

- Make sure that even your shittiest days have good moments by design. E.g. I have chosen my flat so that I have to walk through a park twice a day, and even when I am not going well I still see dogs and kids enjoying life on my way from and to work. It motivates me a lot, those few minutes where I don't think about me and my problems but just enjoy the fact that things are already quite good. It makes me inspired and confident which is utterly important to be successful.

Good luck!

here is my advice to you. take care of your financial needs. engineer your life so that you are stable financially while maintaining the most modest life-style that is comfortable. in other words, get yourself to a point where the practical aspects of life no longer are a problem. no, i never said it was easy. after that, pursue the tangible aspects of success, or pursue anything you want to, without worry. i say that almost nobody said on their death-bed that they regretted not working harder or that they regretted spending too much time enjoying nature, traveling or spending time with the people they loved. use that fact as a guide-line for choosing what to do.

There are people who legitimately have trouble with that who would be thrilled if they could pull that off better.

The best advice a mentor gave me is to realize that the destination is developing the best mindset for any journey.

There is no better feeling than learning, knowing and remembering where your compass is headed and chasing after it without thinking of success, because it is success.

Results, and progress become a product of multiple destinations on the journey. What kind of mindset?

Reframe success to be having the opportunity to try things and learn things every day. If you do the right things, and become the best you can be, success will chase you.

The other is to learn a practice of patience while working hard.

In the meantime, grow. Travel to places that make you uncomfortable to widen your spectrum of human experience - it will not only stretch you apart, it will create space for new growth. The more life experience you have, the better you'll know yourself, and the more well rounded you will become. It is a self-feeding loop of positivity.