Health IQ Careers

Is it? I mean, when the description of the company indicates "We end most standups with a feats of strengths competition," then "only fit able-bodied should apply" seems like either good advice or a suitably ironic warning, depending on your politics.

We do a daily standup where we don't discuss why something is late. Instead we each spend 10 seconds on what we actually shipped today.

So if I’m blocked on Jim, and Jim is shipping his own features and ignoring me, Jim looks good and I look bad. Cool, cool.

A track record of success. We believe winners have always won. All candidates will be asked to submit a 'brag sheet' as part of our interview process. This is a listing of every accomplishment you've ever had. If you won the spelling bee in the 2nd grade we want to know about it, etc.

Trying something hard and failing is apparently not something Health IQ can get behind. Better hope you’ve had a lot of good things happen to you since the second grade! Or have played it pretty safe since then; they don’t want the stench of your failures interrupting treadmill standup.

We don't have sugar, candy bars, soda (diet or otherwise) in our office. If you bring some it will get thrown away.

My personal dietary choices are now my employer’s business. Awesome. I would like to work there, just so I could throw out other people’s property that has even one gram of sugars in it. Fuck your milk.

Although, hey, at least they’re honest about being creepy counterproductive weirdos. It’ll make the eventual lawsuit easier.

I'm nearly sure this is a long-term marketing campaign in which they'll flip the script later with something to the tune of "see how hard things can be for people with health issues? we're here to solve that" etc.

But that's the part where I lost it – because even if this is an honest parody, this mindset is quite pervasive in real life, especially in the US. You don't just have to be great in life today, you must have always had a great life.