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Regrets of the Dying

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Re: Regrets of the Dying

#61

Post by aik »

neilk wrote: post #54

Sometimes I think that I might be one of the few people who will be on my deathbed, regretting not working harder. When I look back on my life, it's mostly been unfinished projects, or good ideas that didn't get far. I've always been told how much potential I have, and I even feel this in myself. But so far, there's not a lot to show for it. Sometimes I've spent years not doing much of anything except looking at suns…

My take is that the sunsets would be a replacement for the less-fruitful things one does in life - watch mindless TV, spend a lot of time on hygiene, [enter time-wasting task], etc. I don't think it's a replacement for actually accomplishing dreams.

It sounds like if you actually have passions to accomplish things, then by all means do whatever you can to bring yourself to act now. You're in the minority here and should be thankful. I say act before you become TOO comfortable.

My guess is that once you do start accomplishing your goals, that feeling of "there's not a lot to show for my life" will decrease immensely. At that point I'd be curious if you'd have the same outlook.

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#62

Post by petercooper »

I'm with the "never have any regrets" crowd. The biggest regret should be wasting your valuable time unproductively regretting stuff when you don't have long left to live and could, instead, be preparing yourself and enjoying the company of those close to you.

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#63

Post by hugh3 »

sz wrote: post #17

Interesting how the answers to "what will I wish I'd have done now in 5 years?" and "what will I wish I'd have done now on my deathbed?" can be so different. The second one is better, I think. With the first, you never stop.

This brings up an interesting point: should we trust people about their deathbed regrets?

I mean, let's face it. You're lying there, surrounded by your relatives, and everybody is sad. You're going to want to say something life-affirming about how you wish you'd spent more time with your children or smelled more flowers or listened to the wind blowing through the trees or something like that... something that sounds appropriate for the situation, and something that people will think well of you for.

You don't want to say "I wish I'd married a different woman" or "I should have stopped after my first two children" or "If only I'd gone to law school", even if those are your deepest regrets. There's a certain amount of social pressure to only talk about pleasant life-affirming things, so that's pretty much what you're going to get.

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#64

Post by [deleted] »

sz wrote: post #17

Interesting how the answers to "what will I wish I'd have done now in 5 years?" and "what will I wish I'd have done now on my deathbed?" can be so different. The second one is better, I think. With the first, you never stop.

[deleted]

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#65

Post by pm »

lionhearted wrote: post #45
hbt wrote: post #29

I read the book "meditations" from Marcus Aurelius recently. It's very interesting to note that the human condition hasn't changed that much. Here are a couple of quotes related to the article. 1. "How much time he saves who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks." -- Marcus Aurelius 2. Work will always be considered a waste of time when you think about it later if you don't enjoy doing it now.…

> Who thinks those hours debugging + testing X piece of software in language Y about 10 years ago which is now replaced by code Z wasn't a waste of time? It was fun then though. Indeed, and things that build your skills and character always have some value. > "If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now." -…

Hah, I did that while I was in Hong Kong too. It was quite fun.

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#66

Post by sz »

hugh3 wrote: post #63
sz wrote: post #17

Interesting how the answers to "what will I wish I'd have done now in 5 years?" and "what will I wish I'd have done now on my deathbed?" can be so different. The second one is better, I think. With the first, you never stop.

This brings up an interesting point: should we trust people about their deathbed regrets? I mean, let's face it. You're lying there, surrounded by your relatives, and everybody is sad. You're going to want to say something life-affirming about how you wish you'd spent more time with your children or smelled more flowers or listened to the wind blowing through the trees or something like that... something that sounds…

On the other hand, if someone has been lying all their life, if they're ever going to tell the truth, it's going to be on their deathbed.

This idea actually appears in our legal system: in court, hearsay (Person X testifies that they heard Person Y say something about Event Z) is usually rejected because there's no way of knowing whether Person Y was lying, even if Person X was truthful. But there are exceptions for circumstances under which Person Y is considered likely to be telling the truth. One of them is a dying declaration; statements made on a deathbed.

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#67

Post by hugh3 »

wslh wrote: post #60
F_J_H wrote: post #49

I have already posted this once in a similar thread, but thought I would post it again as it quite relevant to the article and others who have not seen it before may appreciate it: "Instantes" by Jorge Luis Borges: If I were able to live my life anew, In the next I would try to commit more errors. I would not try to be so perfect, I would relax more. I would be more foolish than I've been, In fact, I would take few t…

Sounds nice, but it's important to note that it's apocryphe, it was not written by JLB. A note from Martin Hadis: http://www.internetaleph.com/detail/showdetail.asp?objtype=4...

It should be some kind of Law:

Anything written in Spanish will eventually be attributed to Jorge Luis Borges.

(Except maybe Don Quixote, which as we all know is the work of Pierre Menard.)

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#68

Post by hugh3 »

hbt wrote: post #29

I read the book "meditations" from Marcus Aurelius recently. It's very interesting to note that the human condition hasn't changed that much. Here are a couple of quotes related to the article. 1. "How much time he saves who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks." -- Marcus Aurelius 2. Work will always be considered a waste of time when you think about it later if you don't enjoy doing it now.…

"How much time he saves who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks." -- Marcus Aurelius

Y'see, this is the problem I have with Marcus Aurelius. It must have been relatively easy for him to not care what other people think. For those of us who aren't the goddamn Emperor of Rome, well, we occasionally have the sorts of practical issues which didn't affect him so much.

I was also recently reading some of the letters of Seneca. He spends nine tenths of his time talking about how awesome it is to be a stoic emotionally detached from material posessions as well as the ups and downs of life, but the remainder letting slip his day-to-day concerns overseeing his vast estates, huge wealth and thousands of slaves.

Are there any good stoic philosophers who weren't fabulously wealthy?

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#69

Post by lachyg »

binarybits wrote: post #51
thaumaturgy wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here are some things I wish I understood when I was 17: 1. Being "unique" doesn't mean trying to alienate everyone else. Many of the people that you meet, and who seem simple or uninteresting, have a great story to tell or a special talent to share. So, trying to "fit in" a little bit and getting to know lots of people doesn't make you a lesser person in any way; it makes you greater for the broader perspectives that…

"In 10 years you'll barely remember any of the message boards that are so important to you now." I couldn't disagree more. The majority of my closest friendships and professional opportunities have come from time spent on the Internet. I'm probably an extreme case, but people "on the Internet" are no more real than people you meet face-to-face, and online friendships can and do turn into real-life friendships, and vi…

Agreed, I met a few of my business partners on the 'net. Then proceeded to meet them in London earlier this year. They're great friends now, and I'm sure they'll continue to be for the rest of my life.

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#70

Post by CoreDumpling »

hugh3 wrote: post #68
hbt wrote: post #29

I read the book "meditations" from Marcus Aurelius recently. It's very interesting to note that the human condition hasn't changed that much. Here are a couple of quotes related to the article. 1. "How much time he saves who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks." -- Marcus Aurelius 2. Work will always be considered a waste of time when you think about it later if you don't enjoy doing it now.…

"How much time he saves who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks." -- Marcus Aurelius Y'see, this is the problem I have with Marcus Aurelius. It must have been relatively easy for him to not care what other people think. For those of us who aren't the goddamn Emperor of Rome, well, we occasionally have the sorts of practical issues which didn't affect him so much. I was also recently reading…

Though he predates Stoicism by a bit, I think Diogenes of Sinope [1] did a fine job of practicing what he preached. Also, while Stoicism might be difficult to accept through the conduit of someone like Marcus Aurelius, he was strongly influenced by and frequently quoted Epictetus [2], who also fits your criteria to a tee.

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diogenes_of_Sinope

[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epictetus

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