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Worst Roommate Ever

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51–60 of 290 posts

Re: Worst Roommate Ever

#51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sadly, that's all some people seem capable of reacting to. Those who say that violence never solves problems have never had to live around a sociopath.

But unless you actually kill them, by beating them up, don't you just run the risk of the other person escalating the violence and ambushing you later? You've already established that he's a psychopath and doesn't live by the rules of most normal people, so if you push him down, maybe tomorrow he'll stab you with a knife, run you down with his car, or just shoot you.

Psychopaths are like parasites that feed on what they perceive as weakness. If they lose a fight they're much more likely to move onto someone new, in the same way that the subject of the article continually hopped roommates. Jamison's final escalation was with his brother, presumably after he'd made it clear no more bailouts were coming his way. The end of Jamison's rope was when the parasite realized his past string of roommates were fighting back, and his ability to leech off of other family members was done. Kinda comparable to how a cheetah won't attack larger animals than itself like lions will, because if it gets hurt it can't run fast and eat.

Re: Worst Roommate Ever

#52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Variants of this comment pop up a lot. HN is a democracy. By definition, if it makes it to the front page, it belongs there.

HN is an oligarchy, the mods have a lot of arbitrary and invisibly operating power, they're not elected, not subjected to popular control. I'm not necessarily complaining, it's what make the site what it is, but it's definitely not a democracy.

The mods don't place things on the front page, but they can remove them. It's democracy with some control.

Re: Worst Roommate Ever

#53
The kind of tenancy laws I read in articles like these, sound absolutely idiotic. If you let someone into your home, and they aren't on the lease, you should be able to kick them out anytime they overstay their welcome. If you do sign a lease with someone, and they haven't paid their rent, you should be able to throw their stuff out and change the locks as soon as their security deposit has run itself out.

As a former master tenant who had to deal with 4 sub-tenants, I lived in mortal fear of the day one of them realised that they could just stop paying me rent, and there's nothing I can do about it whatsoever. It boggles my mind the amount of legal BS you have to wade through, just to reclaim your home from someone who thinks they are entitled to free housing.

Re: Worst Roommate Ever

#54

Just the thought of being forced out of my house, or even having it invaded confrontationally by someone like this who is relentless and antagonistic, immediately gives me the gut reaction that if I take a baseball bat at night, catch him while he's sleeping, and beat him badly enough to the point where I can safely call the cops and claim I just defended myself after he tried to drag me into his room and I grabbed a…

Who is the crazy one here?

Re: Worst Roommate Ever

#55

The author of ZeroMQ wrote a book on recognizing people like this, and more importantly how to get yourself out of prison they’ve put you in. The action plans have helped me. The lucky ones in the NYmag article here did many of the things he recommends. Free PDF here, look for the hard to find “read” button. https://www.gitbook.com/book/hintjens/psychopathcode/details

Thanks - just downloaded the book. It looks like solid reference.

Re: Worst Roommate Ever

#56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm sure this will be unpopular, but: I once had a psychopath like this turn up in my life. Like a lot of these stories, it escalated slowly, one creepy / inappropriate thing at a time. There really is a frog in hot water effect in play here. If you haven't experienced it, it might be hard to understand why someone let themselves be in that situation at all. What I don't understand, however, is why people don't deal…

How did you feel viscerally... ... in the moment when you were exacting your vengeance ... when you left the hospital the first time? ... when you were going back to visit ... when you left the second time? Your instinct resonates with me. I am intensely interested in how you processed it.

You should take a martial arts class or something if such things appeal to you, pick a style you think seems fun. To quote an article from the NFL Player's Tribune [1]

> I play because I love the game. I love hitting people. There’s a rush you get when you go out on the field, lay everything on the line and physically dominate the player across from you. This is a feeling I’m (for lack of a better word) addicted to, and I’m hard-pressed to find anywhere else.

1. https://www.theplayerstribune.com/why-i-play-football/

Re: Worst Roommate Ever

#57

The author of ZeroMQ wrote a book on recognizing people like this, and more importantly how to get yourself out of prison they’ve put you in. The action plans have helped me. The lucky ones in the NYmag article here did many of the things he recommends. Free PDF here, look for the hard to find “read” button. https://www.gitbook.com/book/hintjens/psychopathcode/details

I'm sure this will be unpopular, but: I once had a psychopath like this turn up in my life. Like a lot of these stories, it escalated slowly, one creepy / inappropriate thing at a time. There really is a frog in hot water effect in play here. If you haven't experienced it, it might be hard to understand why someone let themselves be in that situation at all. What I don't understand, however, is why people don't deal…

While in New York, I was frustrated with my cousin because she got caught multiple times trying to get off the subway. People kept getting in her way.

I told her to just walk out the exit confidently and directly. If people get the sense that they need to move or be bumped, they will move.

I forget what my cousin said to me, exactly, but it made me realize that she was a slight woman whereas I am a not slight man. People really will move out of my way if it appears I will plow through them. If they don't, I will push through them. For her, that strategy doesn't work as well.

My point is - there are some situations, for some people, where fighting is an option. Just like there are some people and situations where fighting isn't an option. Beating someone isn't always an option.

Re: Worst Roommate Ever

#58
post #53

The kind of tenancy laws I read in articles like these, sound absolutely idiotic. If you let someone into your home, and they aren't on the lease, you should be able to kick them out anytime they overstay their welcome. If you do sign a lease with someone, and they haven't paid their rent, you should be able to throw their stuff out and change the locks as soon as their security deposit has run itself out. As a forme…

SF has pretty lenient tenancy laws but even then, if someone stops paying rent, you can evict them.

Re: Worst Roommate Ever

#59
post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I completely disagree. I think our "gut" is infinitely biased. No one is immune. If you believe you do not have racial, ethnic, and gender biases you are wrong. And, if you read the article, everyone's gut reaction was that this man was an unassuming, down to earth, great guy, and they got along with him very well at first. The article makes clear that their gut reaction failed them.

On the other hand, gut reactions to sociopaths and psychopaths are a thing. Too often though people take your view of it, and try to rationalize that feeling away. I’d rather trust my gut and ignore the pretty mediocre studies about unconscious bias that seem hard to replicate, thanks.

Gut reactions to psychopaths tend to be the opposite: they are charming, and charismatic. Theres's a very good chance that you will like them, from the first impression. That's one of the traits/signs of a psychopath. That's why you shouldn't trust your gut, at least not in this case.

And the experiences of the victims in the article reinforce this point, at least in the first encounters: a courtly gentleman, he was very respectful.

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