Earlier quoted context omitted.
Sadly, that's all some people seem capable of reacting to. Those who say that violence never solves problems have never had to live around a sociopath.
But unless you actually kill them, by beating them up, don't you just run the risk of the other person escalating the violence and ambushing you later? You've already established that he's a psychopath and doesn't live by the rules of most normal people, so if you push him down, maybe tomorrow he'll stab you with a knife, run you down with his car, or just shoot you.
Worst Roommate Ever
51–60 of 290 posts
Re: Worst Roommate Ever
#52Earlier quoted context omitted.
Variants of this comment pop up a lot. HN is a democracy. By definition, if it makes it to the front page, it belongs there.
HN is an oligarchy, the mods have a lot of arbitrary and invisibly operating power, they're not elected, not subjected to popular control. I'm not necessarily complaining, it's what make the site what it is, but it's definitely not a democracy.
Re: Worst Roommate Ever
#53As a former master tenant who had to deal with 4 sub-tenants, I lived in mortal fear of the day one of them realised that they could just stop paying me rent, and there's nothing I can do about it whatsoever. It boggles my mind the amount of legal BS you have to wade through, just to reclaim your home from someone who thinks they are entitled to free housing.
Re: Worst Roommate Ever
#54Just the thought of being forced out of my house, or even having it invaded confrontationally by someone like this who is relentless and antagonistic, immediately gives me the gut reaction that if I take a baseball bat at night, catch him while he's sleeping, and beat him badly enough to the point where I can safely call the cops and claim I just defended myself after he tried to drag me into his room and I grabbed a…
Re: Worst Roommate Ever
#55The author of ZeroMQ wrote a book on recognizing people like this, and more importantly how to get yourself out of prison they’ve put you in. The action plans have helped me. The lucky ones in the NYmag article here did many of the things he recommends. Free PDF here, look for the hard to find “read” button. https://www.gitbook.com/book/hintjens/psychopathcode/details
Re: Worst Roommate Ever
#56Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm sure this will be unpopular, but: I once had a psychopath like this turn up in my life. Like a lot of these stories, it escalated slowly, one creepy / inappropriate thing at a time. There really is a frog in hot water effect in play here. If you haven't experienced it, it might be hard to understand why someone let themselves be in that situation at all. What I don't understand, however, is why people don't deal…
How did you feel viscerally... ... in the moment when you were exacting your vengeance ... when you left the hospital the first time? ... when you were going back to visit ... when you left the second time? Your instinct resonates with me. I am intensely interested in how you processed it.
> I play because I love the game. I love hitting people. There’s a rush you get when you go out on the field, lay everything on the line and physically dominate the player across from you. This is a feeling I’m (for lack of a better word) addicted to, and I’m hard-pressed to find anywhere else.
Re: Worst Roommate Ever
#57The author of ZeroMQ wrote a book on recognizing people like this, and more importantly how to get yourself out of prison they’ve put you in. The action plans have helped me. The lucky ones in the NYmag article here did many of the things he recommends. Free PDF here, look for the hard to find “read” button. https://www.gitbook.com/book/hintjens/psychopathcode/details
I'm sure this will be unpopular, but: I once had a psychopath like this turn up in my life. Like a lot of these stories, it escalated slowly, one creepy / inappropriate thing at a time. There really is a frog in hot water effect in play here. If you haven't experienced it, it might be hard to understand why someone let themselves be in that situation at all. What I don't understand, however, is why people don't deal…
I told her to just walk out the exit confidently and directly. If people get the sense that they need to move or be bumped, they will move.
I forget what my cousin said to me, exactly, but it made me realize that she was a slight woman whereas I am a not slight man. People really will move out of my way if it appears I will plow through them. If they don't, I will push through them. For her, that strategy doesn't work as well.
My point is - there are some situations, for some people, where fighting is an option. Just like there are some people and situations where fighting isn't an option. Beating someone isn't always an option.
Re: Worst Roommate Ever
#58The kind of tenancy laws I read in articles like these, sound absolutely idiotic. If you let someone into your home, and they aren't on the lease, you should be able to kick them out anytime they overstay their welcome. If you do sign a lease with someone, and they haven't paid their rent, you should be able to throw their stuff out and change the locks as soon as their security deposit has run itself out. As a forme…
Re: Worst Roommate Ever
#59Earlier quoted context omitted.
I completely disagree. I think our "gut" is infinitely biased. No one is immune. If you believe you do not have racial, ethnic, and gender biases you are wrong. And, if you read the article, everyone's gut reaction was that this man was an unassuming, down to earth, great guy, and they got along with him very well at first. The article makes clear that their gut reaction failed them.
On the other hand, gut reactions to sociopaths and psychopaths are a thing. Too often though people take your view of it, and try to rationalize that feeling away. I’d rather trust my gut and ignore the pretty mediocre studies about unconscious bias that seem hard to replicate, thanks.
And the experiences of the victims in the article reinforce this point, at least in the first encounters: a courtly gentleman, he was very respectful.