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Regrets of the Dying

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21–30 of 93 posts

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#21
post #5

I wonder if there is a way to bring realizations born of other people's experiences home in any meaningful way. I sometimes think about what advice I'd give my 17-year-old self if I had to attend college again, but I admit that the younger me likely wouldn't have listened. It's hard to know what to value in the moment, and I find it's equally hard to absorb what others with the benefit of hindsight tell you. I'd bet…

What advice would you have given your 17 year old self? (I am 16)

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#23
I've thought about this a lot. Say you really manage to live in such a way that you won't have these regrets. Wouldn't you, then, regret not pursuing a career? Or the thrill and excitement of climbing a ladder (hey, just putting it out there)? Not to mention that the "fulfilling your own dreams" regret is probably impossible to avoid by merely fulfilling your dreams.

I would love to hear the regrets of people that have lived a life in such a way that they don't have these modern regrets.

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#24

I have met quite a few patients that were undergoing palliative care for their treatments and I heard a lot of the same. One recurring theme I found was that ministers and priests always ended up doubting or renouncing their faith. It was terribly depressing. Whenever I think back it always reminds me to spend more time with my family- they provide the best support in these sort of situations and close families alway…

Why hast thou forsaken me?

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#26
post #21
post #5

I wonder if there is a way to bring realizations born of other people's experiences home in any meaningful way. I sometimes think about what advice I'd give my 17-year-old self if I had to attend college again, but I admit that the younger me likely wouldn't have listened. It's hard to know what to value in the moment, and I find it's equally hard to absorb what others with the benefit of hindsight tell you. I'd bet…

What advice would you have given your 17 year old self? (I am 16)

The problem is that almost everyone is lopsided in some way: they excel at something, and are deficient in other things, but almost always in unique ways. Often, the time that they lack in other areas has caused them to grow in others, and it's that growth that gives them an edge in life. Most nerds know this: often they have exchanged social skills for technical skills by the choice of how they spend their time, and how that choice reinforces itself because of how comfortable they feel in different situations.

So many of the things you learn, things you'd like your 17 year old self to know, are things that other 17 year olds already know; and vice versa.

All I can really say is to explore the boundaries, do things that stretch yourself, that scare you, to minimize the risk of getting caught in local maxima. Learn to understand how your mind plays tricks on you, tries to stop you from growing. Think of e.g. showing an older grandparent how to use a PC, and of how difficult they find it, how they can't play with it, and learn on their own, because they lack the confidence; and how frustrating it can be when you know it's not actually hard, and all they need to be is open and playful. Keep that in mind when you think something is too hard or that you're not good at it; watch out for your own mind telling you to give up.

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#27
post #4

> All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. the problem i find is that your choice is between 150% (employed) or 0% (unemployable).

Have you ever known anyone that didn't do their jobs as well as you could? That you could do what they do, in two thirds the time, and less in effort?

If you do, you already have your answer.

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#28

Interesting - this was submitted nearly four weeks ago, and yet garnered no comments at all, and only one up-vote: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1570865

pg linked to it on Twitter yesterday which likely drew a lot of attention. twitter.com/paulg

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#29
I read the book "meditations" from Marcus Aurelius recently. It's very interesting to note that the human condition hasn't changed that much. Here are a couple of quotes related to the article.

1. "How much time he saves who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks." -- Marcus Aurelius

2. Work will always be considered a waste of time when you think about it later if you don't enjoy doing it now.

Who thinks those hours debugging + testing X piece of software in language Y about 10 years ago which is now replaced by code Z wasn't a waste of time? It was fun then though.

3. "If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now." -- Marcus Aurelius

4. No comments. True friends are amazing human beings to have around. Often better than your own blood.

5. "The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature. " -- Marcus

We could all use some philosophy, it helps when things go to shit.

Re: Regrets of the Dying

#30
post #22

No one on their death bed ever said "I wish I'd spent more time alone with my computer." - D. Bunten (creator of M.U.L.E.)

I find the implied converse of this quote (and its more usual version, applying to work) less than convincing. I've had more than my fill with my parents, thanks; I don't wish they had spent less time working and more time with me. I think there's a selfishness in that, a narcissistic desire to own more of the lives of your children, who, ultimately, are going to break free of you, and live their own lives.
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